Page 15

Friday 11 November

Good Samaritan Goes Bad

Local charity worker Natasha Tompkins was convicted yesterday of running an organised-crime ring through her extensive charitable endeavours.

Tompkins, 44, of Chestnut Drive, appeared in Westmouth Crown Court yesterday, charged with illegal money lending, money laundering, possession with intent to supply Class A drugs and a supply and production penalty following the largest seizure of prescription drugs in the force’s history.

Known amongst the local criminal fraternity as Tash ‘The Stash’, Ms Tompkins had reportedly been running her illegal enterprises for many years.

‘She was a smart one, all right,’ said an associate who wished to remain anonymous. ‘Found channels none of the rest of us could touch. The Stash used church groups, food banks, soup kitchens – you name it, all a front. She used to shift a load of horse through the village fair. If you asked for her ‘special sponge mix’, you could bet your a**e you were gonna get baked.’

‘Tash could spot a hole in the market like no one – and she knew her customers,’ another anonymous source revealed. ‘A lot of her clients were the middle-aged yummy mummy crowd, so lately she’s been making a killing selling black market HRT for women who can’t get a prescription. You saw all those women sobbing at her trial? You can be expecting plenty more of them.’

Tompkins was sentenced to seven years’ imprisonment. She was also fined ￡10,000, which the Flatford branch of the Women’s Institute have pledged to finance with a kickstarter campaign.

Council Defends Library ‘Regeneration’ Plan

‘It’ll still have books as a Tesco Metro,’ pledges council chief.

Local Centenarian Signs Up For London Marathon

‘Maybe this’ll do the ****ing trick,’ says the 104-year-old novice runner.

Robocoppers

Priya, Al, Tanya

Friday 11 Nov

07.12

Priya

IN YOUR FACE BIATCHES!!!

Friday 11 November

Good Samaritan Goes Bad

Al

It is WAY too early for this. . .

Is it too much to hope you’re going to spare us the smug?

Priya

Told you so!

Tash Tompkins is a crime boss.

And someone killed Claudia Stitchwell.

Al

God help us.

Tanya

I had no idea Tash had been arrested.

(Although where the hell I go for my extra Oestrogel now, I have no bloody clue.)

Priya

I’m glad one of us is on the case. . .

So while I was at BuyRite yesterday, I got chatting with Matt Fisher.

Al

Kiera’s fella?

Tanya

He’s such a lovely guy.

Priya

Sure.

Bit gullible.

But nice enough.

And lousy taste in partners. . .

Al

Claws away, dear.

Priya

You know how Ben went shopping on the night of the murder?

Guess what he bought?