Page 24
Story: That’ll Teach Her
Saturday 26 November
Local Bursar Pays Ultimate Price
The community of St Nonnatus Primary School was left in shock last night by the violent death of their business manager, Clive Baxendale.
Mr Baxendale (57) was pronounced dead at his home in Arcadia Mews, apparently the victim of an armed burglary. Neighbours report hearing gun shots at around 11pm, immediately alerting the authorities.
The police are keen to speak to Andrew Duggan (55, no fixed address) who was recently known to be staying with Mr Baxendale and who hasn’t been seen since before the attack.
‘We urge Mr Duggan to come forward to assist us with our enquiries,’ Constable Robert Alsorp appealed. ‘If anyone has seen or has any information regarding the whereabouts of Mr Duggan, we ask that you contact us in confidence, rather than approaching him directly. He may be armed and dangerous. Although to give the fella his due, he made one helluva Bloody Mary.’
An anonymous tip-off to the Flatford Gazette suggested that Mr Baxendale’s involvement in illegal financial dealings might have been responsible for his death. St Nonnatus Primary declined to comment when approached.
Mr Baxendale will be laid to rest in a private burial next week. He leaves no family.
Local Library Gets Reprieve
The council has reversed its controversial decision to close Flatford Library. ‘You can’t put a price on community,’ says council chief in a far-ranging speech that includes cuts to the youth centre, a raft of council tax increases and the abolition of free cinema tickets for pensioners.
Lucky Gambler Wins Record Casino Jackpot
‘Reckon I’ll get me boobs done,’ says new millionaire, 59.
Robocoppers
Priya, Al, Tanya
Saturday 26 Nov
07.34
Al
Fucking hell. . .
I can’t sleep for thinking about Clive.
Tanya
Me neither. . . it’s just too awful.
Priya
Shhhh.
I was sleeping perfectly well until you bastards woke me.
What did Hattie put in that punch. . .
Al
Behave.
I mean, the guy was an arsehole, but. . .
Tanya
Do you think. . . ?
Al
What?
Tanya
I’m spending too much time with Robocop.
But do you think it’s connected to Miss Stitchwell?
Al
I don’t know what to think.
The most exciting thing that used to happen in Flatford was the new Costa.
And now we’re like gangland LA. . .
Come on then, Flatford’s answer to Poirot?
I’m sure you have views. . .
Tanya
So presumably we can knock Clive off the suspect list now?
Al
Well. . . not entirely.
Just because he’s dead doesn’t mean he didn’t do it.
Indeed, could be dead because he did.
Tanya
Really?
You think anyone cared about Stitchwell enough to avenge her?
Al
No.
But they might have hated Clive enough.
Or he knew too much. . .
Jesus.
I’m even starting to sound like Pri. . .
Priya
SHHHHHHHHHH!
I’m dying.
Al
Oh Christ!
You say her name and she appears!
Like the Candyman.
Tanya
Or Sue’s mum.
Al
Get an egg butty down you, you’ll be fine.
Priya
I’m awake now.
So thanks for that.
And you’re both right.
I do think Clive’s death is related to Stitchwell’s.
And it also doesn’t mean he didn’t do it.
Al
Andy?
The evidence doesn’t look good.
Priya
The evidence looks too good.
Murder is rarely that neat and tidy.
And there was all that kerfuffle in the hall. . .
Al
Yeah. . . what was all that about?
Priya
Not 100% clear.
My razor-sharp instincts are a little. . . dull this morning.
Al
I missed it.
Matt Fisher was on his third victory lap of the hall.
Tanya
My razor sharp instincts are a little . . . dull this morning.
You mean you can’t remember, you boozehound?
Well I was driving, so I can tell you exactly what happened:
Andy was accused of taking the kids’ stuff.
Ben fired him.
Clive defended Andy.
Hattie then comes charging over accusing Clive of assaulting Kiera.
Ben punched Clive. Hard.
Al
Jesus. . . is Kiera okay?
Tanya
I tried to call last night.
No answer.
Priya
Bloody hell.
Why do I always miss the good stuff?
Al
PRIYA????
Priya
Oh FFS, not Kiera, that’s hideous.
And one helluva motive.
(Fully justified.)
Tanya
I agree.
I want to believe in the law.
But if Clive attacked Kiera, he got what was coming to him.
Priya
But the question is – who gave it to him?
Al
I need a coffee.
Priya
I need three.
Fancy meeting up this morning?
We could even go to Costa if you like. . .
Al
IN!
(Casey had a row with her mum, so she’s staying over!)
Tanya
I can’t, I’m taking Verity to ballet.
But Pri?
You will let me know as soon as you hear something?
About the cake?
Priya
The very second.
We’re going to be a step closer to the truth.
Hang on in there.
And now I’m off to vom xxx