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“They don’t deliver.”

“Blasphemy.” He seemed to like that word, so I didn’t quip at it. “It’s no longer the stone ages. Who doesn’t deliver?”

“Are you driving or am I?”

“We’re going together?”

“Figured we would.” I shrugged, but I could already feel my silly cheeks turning red.

I truly had no explanation for why I always turned apple red around this gorilla of a man.

Honestly, it was humiliating enough that I caught myself staring at him when I really shouldn’t be staring.

So to have my cheeks do this funny heat thing kind of killed me a little. Just a little.

“Right, then I’m driving. No way in hell I’ll be able to fit in that thing you call a car.”

“It’s a bug and she’s beautiful.”

“It’s tiny.”

“Are you saying tiny isn’t beautiful?” I demanded, sliding my feet into my cute gray Uggs with the statement button on the side.

“Not at all.” He smirked that grin that made my belly flip and flop all uncomfortably. “Tiny looks beautiful on you.”

I rolled my eyes, playing at being unaffected. In truth, I was affected. Oh, was I ever affected. “Do those lines ever actually work?”

“Usually.”

Well, at least he was honest.

“You’re ridiculous.”

“Come, little one,” he tossed his arm around my shoulder as he guided me from the condo and into the hall. “Let’s get a move on so we can grab our grub.”

The words sounded like a ringing buzz in my ear. Every time he touched me, this happened. My blood heated and my body froze. I wanted to snuggle in close and I wanted to run. My mind and body practically tore me in two as they dueled over desire and cowardice.

Still, apart from the one morning in the kitchen, my desire always seemed to triumph when it came to Beckett.

And now, even though I knew he sensed my stiffness and could probably hear the wild beating of my heart, he didn’t tighten or loosen his arm around my shoulder.

He held me gently, letting me know silently that if I chose, I could escape him.

And maybe that was why I didn’t want to. Maybe it was because I knew that I could be free, that I actually liked his gentle captivity.

So that was how I stayed as he walked us to the elevator, and then through the lobby to the parking lot.

Beckett, in all his gallant manliness gave me the underground parking stall.

He said it would snow soon and I shouldn’t have to brush it off my car if I didn’t have to.

He didn’t seem to consider that it was much easier for me to brush the snow off my little bug rather than the work he had to do to brush it off his massive truck.

Still, I didn’t fight his kindness. And that too, surprised me.

“Whoa,” Beckett tore me from my thoughts and I looked up at him.

“What?”

“Got foggy.”

“Yeah,” I nodded. “They were calling for it. Apparently visibility tomorrow is supposed to be awful.”

“Weird.”

“I know.” This year had been weird weather-wise.

Normally we had loads of snow in the forecast, but this year we’d had sunshine and fog.

If I had to choose, though, I would take the bitter chill that came with a heavy snowfall over the wet nip of a misty winter.

The wet cold came with a chill that sunk deep into your bones.

It was that kind of cold that one never seemed to escape no matter how hard they tried.

“The city looks different with all the fog, don’t you think?”

“It does.” I admitted. “I kind of like it. It’s pretty.”

“A little eerie.”

He opened the door of the passenger side and I hiked myself up before he could help me. Then I turned to him and teased, “Is someone afraid of fog?”

“If I was, would you cuddle me all night long?” Shocker alert; I was speechless. He chuckled, his hand on the door. “Just playing with you, peanut.”

I didn’t have time to reply before he closed the door.

I watched as he rounded the truck with the smile still dressing his cut jaw.

In so many ways, Beckett would be most girls’ dream guy.

If I had to pick a dream guy, I’d name Beckett.

He had the kind of eyes that made a woman feel all melty.

I totally know that’s not a word, but I’m making it one here and now.

Beckett made me feel melty when he looked at me, up and down, before those full lips of his curled into his signature grin.

He had the kind of gold blond hair that was so thick; it was impossible not to think about running your fingers through it.

And his latte skin—that was something else altogether.

I’d wondered if it was a summer tan thing, but with the cooler days we’d had I knew it wasn’t.

The man was creamy cappuccino delicious, as Raina would say.

The only thing I didn’t find particularly perfect about the man was his size.

Beckett was literally massive. The man dwarfed me in every way.

Standing an entire foot (maybe more) taller than me, he made me feel not only delicate, but also fragile, and in a way, helpless.

He made me feel both safe with him while the possibility that he could be a threat hung over my head.

He was thick. Everywhere. His wrist had to be two, maybe two and a half times the size of mine.

His shoulders were so broad and his arms were so thick, bulging with heavy muscles, that if he wanted, he could knock me straight into oblivion.

He stood on legs that were even thicker than his arms, and that frightened me too.

The thought that, if he wanted he could kick me and probably steal my very last breath with the impact obliterated any sense of safety I thought I had grasped.

All in all, I believed he wouldn’t hurt me. I trusted that I was safe with him, but I was still terrified of his size. When he got too close, I sometimes wondered how quickly protection could morph into danger as laughter fell away to lust.

I’d lived to see how quickly danger could form in the wake of promised protection when lust played a part in the game. I’d watched the comfort of laughter flutter like ashes in the wind as unrestrained desire abolished any sense of honor.

I’d survived the pain of a blow.

I knew the power behind a kick.

And worst of all, I knew the guilt-coated shame that followed with tender displays and the vowed “never again.”

I hadn’t shared my fears with anyone, but I knew that eventually I’d have to.

I would have to because I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

I’d even bought a lock for my bedroom door.

Both a door lock and a chain lock, as a precaution, of course.

I’d learned that if you took precautions, you were less likely to live through the horrors that lived in the night or behind closed doors.

I’d learned and it had been a hard lesson.

But the hard lessons are the lessons less forgotten.

The truck bounced beneath Beckett’s weight as he hoisted his big body into the seat beside mine. The truck, already started, was quickly engaged as Beckett shifted the gear into reverse, and then we were on the road.

I gave Beckett instructions to the Chinese place I’d ordered from.

It was one Raina and I had frequented when I was feeling lazy toward the stove.

I didn’t love cooking, but I didn’t hate it either.

It’s a necessary thing one does to survive, and in order to survive living in a house with Raina; one takes the title of cook seriously or else they eat yogurt, marshmallows, and chips endlessly.

I didn’t like to eat anything endlessly, even icing.

But on the nights Raina did make dinner, I had to admit she threw together the best ever peanut butter and mini marshmallow sandwich. It sounds disgusting, but it’s shockingly delicious.

“You’re suddenly quiet.” Beckett announced. “Did I say something wrong?”

“What? No, of course not.”

“Good.” He smiled, but this one didn’t reach those warm eyes. “I thought maybe the idea of cuddling a frightened boy made you uncomfortable.”

I snorted. “I wouldn’t call you a boy.”

“What would you call me?”

“A man.” My eyes roamed the length of his long body in the drivers seat. “A very large man who shouldn’t be afraid of fog.”

“You think I’m a large man who fears nothing?”

“I don’t know.” When he said it like that it sounded a little silly. “Do you fear?”

“Course I do. Anyone ever tells you they fear nothing, don’t trust em and run fast and far.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Anyone who loves anything fears. Even if all they love is themselves they’ll still fear.”

“That makes enough sense.” I admitted, even more curious about the big man Kaiden met while backpacking in Europe. “Why did you decide to take a year off to travel?”

He raises a brow, “Do I get to ask you a question if I answer?”

“You can ask.”

“Will you answer?”

“Maybe.”

“Suppose I’ll take my chances,” he sighed. “I’ve always wanted to see the world, but I also want to be a Doctor. I’ve always admired my parents and I like helping people. Doctors are what I know.”

“I spent so much time in the hospital with my Mom or Dad when they were called in on an emergency that they just started feeling like home. When I was a kid, I’d spend a lot of my time in the hospital daycare so Mom or Dad could visit easily enough while on shift, then my nanny would usually take me home from there.

I liked it. It was like a second home and as I grew older I knew it was where I was supposed to be.

But being a Doctor is demanding, and I’d like to be a surgeon like my Dad.

I’m thinking cardiology, but I won’t know until I get in there, you know what I mean? ”

“Sure,” the man amazed me more and more every day.

“Anyway, getting back to your question,” he signaled into the parking lot and twisted to face me.

“I want a demanding career, but I also wanted to make some memories in my younger years. I didn’t want all of my twenties to be filled with school and work, so I took the year to do what I wanted. One year. And I’ll never regret it.”

“Why Europe though?”

“I think it’s my turn to question.” He laughed when I blinked. Then he answered. “It’s old. I wanted to be somewhere with a history and Budapest seemed a little too dangerous to go at alone.”

“Budapest?” I straightened. “I’ve always wanted to go. Always. I’ve never known anyone else who actually wanted that!”

His eyes softened. “Maybe this summer we’ll take a week or two?”

“I don’t know about that,” I fell against my seat again. “It’s expensive and as you pointed out, dangerous.”

“We’ll keep it in mind.”

The way he was looking at me made me feel that melty feeling again, so I unbuckled and opened my door. “I should go in. It’s probably ready.”

I didn’t give him a chance to say anything, but before I made it to the door, Beckett was beside me. “Tell me something about you. Anything you want to share.”

“What?”

“I have a feeling I won’t get far if I ask a question, so I’m asking you to choose something you want to share.”

“My favorite color is purple.”

“I guessed as much by the purple walls I helped you paint.”

“Raspberry Fuzz.” I corrected. I knew my walls were purple, but fighting about this one thing with Beckett was too fun to pass up. “They aren’t purple.”

“They’re purple, peanut.”

I huffed a sigh as I tugged on the door. Beckett caught it, opening it the rest of the way as I slipped inside the warm, deliciously scented restaurant. That was when I felt it, his hand on my back. The thrill ran down the length of my spine as I moved to the front desk.

“Pickup for Bloom.” Beckett said, giving the hostess my last name. She smiled big up at him and for the first time in my life, I truly resented another girl and her ability to smile so freely, or even at all, at a man.

“Right here,” she lifted the enormous bag with a dinner for six inside and placed it on the counter. When Beckett pulled out his wallet, I shook my head.

“I got it.”

“You’re not paying for my weekends worth of meals.” He handed his card to the girl and she giggled. I glared, but Beckett continued. “This one is on me.”

I had a feeling that Beckett was the kind of man who insisted every meal was a meal on him. I thought about arguing before I snapped my mouth shut.

When the transaction had been approved and Beckett lifted the bag of food, I wondered why I’d even gotten out of the truck.

I’d been useful for absolutely nothing. Hell, I wasn’t even arm candy.

Women like the hostess with their long blonde hair and bubble gum smiles were arm candy material. Not me.

Beckett seemed to sense my mood as he opened my door. “Something wrong?”

“Nope.”

“Right.” He handed me the food and I placed it on my lap. “You’ve got thirty seconds to figure out what you’re going to tell me. I’m going to close the door, walk around to my side and I want you to be ready. A deal’s a deal.”

“I didn’t agree to any deal.”

“It’s the principle of it, beautiful.” He said, and then he closed the door.

I wasn’t thinking when he opened the door to sit beside me again. I wasn’t thinking at all, because if I were thinking I never would have said what I said.

“You call me beautiful, but I was never adopted. Nobody ever thought I was beautiful enough to make me a part of their family. Not really.” I’d started and now I couldn’t stop.

“Sure, people wanted me. Men wanted to screw me and girls wanted to be my friend, because I was beautiful enough for that. But nobody ever wanted to love me. I wasn’t beautiful enough for that.

I wasn’t funny enough. Smart enough. Lovable enough.

” I didn’t cry even though I wanted to. I kept my tone hard and unaffected.

“I was four when I lost my parents and it wasn’t until I was eleven that I felt even a little loved again, but I lost them too.

After that, it wasn’t until I met Joss, my boss at the Library, and then Raina and Maddy, that I actually felt someone cared for me.

For the me beneath the beauty of my skin. ”

“Amara,”

“Is that enough, Beckett?” I asked coldly. “Is that what you wanted to know? Have I completed my end of the deal?”