Page 11

I should have been studying, but I wasn’t. Instead, I was at the gym with Kaiden. I’d made it to the gym two days in a row. This deserved comment as working out was coming to be a rare thing for me. And that comment was something Kaiden gave in excess.

“I know,” I said in reply to the fourth exclamation. “I’ve been slacking lately.”

“I wouldn’t say you’ve been slacking. More like eating, breathing, shitting school.” He laughed at his joke. “But not slacking.”

“Ain’t that the truth?” I muttered.

“So do you wanna talk about it?” Kai asked and I set the weight I’d been lifting down.

“Talk about what?”

“The fight you had with Mar,”

I gave my friend a look and then I decided I didn’t like the idea of having friends who were couples. Couples seemed to talk about everything.

“I didn’t have a fight with Amara.”

“That’s not what Raina said.”

“And how would Raina know?”

Kaiden shook his head. “Mar talks to Raina.”

For some reason, I found myself feeling a little irritated and a little excited that Amara had been talking to Raina about me. I liked it because she was talking about me. I wanted her talking about me, and thinking about me, and daydreaming about me. For fuck sakes, I just wanted the girl.

But I didn’t want her talking to her friend about our arguments—especially when I didn’t know we were arguing.

“Didn’t know it was a fight.”

“What happened?”

“I told her to quit acting lonely.” I shrugged. “I kind of just—well, I guess I lost it a little.”

“You lost it and you don’t think you had a fight?” He chuckled. “I know you’ve never dated, but dude . . .”

“I walked away before I actually lost it.”

This time, Kaiden laughed. Hard. “Buddy, you walked away from the girl after giving her a piece of your mind. How can you think she wouldn’t view that as a fight?”

“I don’t know.”

“On top of that, you’ve met me here the last two nights. You’ve chosen to come to the gym over being home with her,” he said, stating the obvious. “Why wouldn’t you think she’d think you’re pissed?”

“Fuck,” I rubbed my brow. “Everything I try with her backfires.”

“Again, that’s not what Raina says.”

My eyes snapped to his. “What does Raina tell you, exactly?”

“She says she thinks Mar’s falling for you.” His eyes never left mine. He didn’t grin and his eyes weren’t laughing. He was trying to see through my mask. But I wasn’t trying to hide anything from him.

“She’s hard to get to know.”

“That’s a given.”

“Man, I didn’t expect to feel this way for her.” I couldn’t believe I was talking about this. “I didn’t expect to be so affected by her unhappiness.”

“I don’t think she’s unhappy.”

“The girl doesn’t smile.”

“Yeah, I know. But that doesn’t mean she isn’t happy.”

I cocked my head. “What does it mean?”

“Could mean she’s afraid to show the world she’s happy. Could be that every time she’s shown the world she’s happy, her happiness gets taken away. Could be she feels she’s safer hiding it.”

The thought killed me. I hated the idea that the sweet woman with all her crazy kitten sass had been hurt so many times, she’d given up on showing her happy. I hated thinking that maybe I’d never get to see the evidence of the happiness I hoped to give her.

I’d tried to be funny. I’d tried to push her every button, make her wild, and make her crazy. Nothing worked. It’d been months and I hadn’t seen her smile, not even a slight quirk to her lips.

“Maybe.”

“I bought a ring.” Kaiden said, changing the topic to one I didn’t expect. But as soon as he said the words, I felt my mood shift. Instantly, I was ecstatic for my friend.

My happiness, unlike the woman I was falling for, showed itself on my face. My happiness wasn’t a secret or a burden.

My happiness was free.

“When?”

“Last weekend.”

“Kaiden,” I gave him a heavy pat on the shoulder. “Congratulations.”

“I’m going to ask her this Christmas.”

“Wow,” I nodded. “That’s just over a month away. Think you can hold onto the ring that long without giving it away?”

He laughed, “I got no choice. I have a plan and I’m sticking to it. But I need your help.”

“Let’s hear it.” I said eagerly. “Anything.”

“I want to plan a ski trip.”

“A ski trip?”

“Yeah, with everyone. She’d want Mar and Maddy there, and you know I want you there too. I already talked to her parents and mine. They’re in but they never plan trips out this way for Christmas so I don’t want them planning anything. Raina can get suspicious. It’s gotta be her idea.”

I chuckled, “I think we can manage this. We’ll plant the idea on Saturday.”

“You’ll plant the idea. I don’t want her to get any ideas about me pressing for anything.”

“All right,” I agreed. “I’ll plant the idea.”

“Thanks,”

“Any time.”

“You know you’ll be my best man, right?” His voice cracked and I knew he was thinking about his younger brother who was no longer here with him.

It was while Kaiden was mourning Austin in Europe that I’d met him.

He’d become the brother I never had and I hoped that, to him, I was a brother, even if he’d already had one and lost.

“I’d be honored.”

Me: Don’t worry about dinner. Picking up pizza.

I stared down at my phone, waiting for Amara to reply as I stood in line waiting to pick up my order. It wasn’t until I was in the truck, about to drive, that my phone chimed.

Amara: Sounds great!

Me: You home?

Amara: About 2 leave Library.

Me: Stay. I’m close. Pick u up.

Amara: K.

I wasted no time in driving from the pizza place to the Library.

It was only just past six so I didn’t know what she was doing at work.

Amara typically had Wednesday’s off, but things changed; she could have gotten called in.

She loved being at the Library so I suspected that if she were called in, she’d take it.

It was when I pulled up to the big brick building and saw her standing on the stairs waiting for me, that I realized Kaiden was right.

She thought we’d had a fight and even though it hadn’t been intentional, I had been avoiding her.

I was an ass. Being an ass unintentionally didn’t change the facts. I was still an ass.

She wore a gray beanie with a knit flower on the side and her dark gray winter jacket.

Purple mittens hid her hands; I knew they were purple because everything the girl picked for herself was some shade or another of purple.

And her cheeks were rosy from the cold. Big white flakes had started falling from the sky to coat the ground, and I thought that she’d never been more beautiful as my headlights grazed over her body before I pulled up next to the big set of concrete stairs.

I watched as she climbed down the stairs, jolting into gentleman mode just in time to jump down and run for the passenger door. I opened it and she gave me a curious look, her head tipped back and her lips positioned in a pouty frown.

I counted my lucky stars that she wasn’t glaring at me. The woman had the glare to scare a man mastered.

“You know I can open my own door.”

“I happen to remember a sassy little thing asking me where on the gentleman scale I capped out.”

“I wouldn’t say that’s how it was worded.”

“It was something like that,” I leaned down and caught sight of the small parting of her pretty lips. Every male hormone in my body flared to life with the evidence of just how my nearness affected her. “And I made it my mission that day to show you, that when it comes to you, I’ll never cap out.”

“Every guy caps out.”

“Not me. Not with you.”

Her eyes broke the connection with mine. Her flushed cheeks turned even pinker as she breathed out a low breath. Then she looked back up at me. “What do you want from me, Beckett?”

Well, shit. Of all the words that could have come from those lips, I wasn’t prepared for these. Not even a little bit.

“I want what you want.”

“I don’t want anything.”

A lie. We both knew it. She wanted so much more, but she wasn’t ready to admit it to me or to herself.

I could wait. I would wait. For this woman I would wait as long as it took.

“I want your friendship. I want your honesty. I want you to be happy and I wouldn’t mind being your reason one day.”

“My reason?”

“For being happy. One day I’d like to be your reason.”

She didn’t say anything as she pulled her little body into my big truck. I’d give anything to have the trust I needed to put my hands on her hips and lift her up, but we weren’t there yet. One day we would be. But that wasn’t today.