Page 7 of Tamed Wolf (Rejected Mates of the Shelter #4)

Ivan, After

“This place smells like gravy.”

I nod at Trevor and stay as still as I can, not wanting to lose count in my head.

“What the fuck is taking her so long? This place can’t be that big. You’d think she might be a little excited to see us. It’s been what, eight or nine months? How long are shifter pregnancies? She probably had the kid, right?”

“You’re fucking stupid. I sent you that app to track the baby’s growth the week after we brought her here. You haven’t been reading at all, have you? You been lying about it all this time?”

He shrugs and I just don’t even fucking care. Not worth fighting over. That’s all we’ve done since we cut the bonds with Lark.

It could have been any baby cry anywhere, but somehow, I know it belongs to my son. Nobody notified us when he was born, so we just waited a little extra to make sure we were well past the possible due date before showing up.

Seeing her hurts much worse than I expected.

I thought sending here would free all of us up to live lives separately so we could just move on from a terrible pairing by the goddess, but time hasn’t done her any damn favors.

Her hair is greasy, and her clothes are old and don’t fit right, and the bags under her eyes feel like a mirror of my own. But I know she’s got it worse, because she had to go through the whole pregnancy and childbirth and recovery process without anyone there to care for her.

I’ve never deserved her, and that is so glaringly obvious right now.

I reach out and she pulls back, the accusation in her eyes loud.

“Why aren’t you wearing anything we sent? I thought we sent in some clothes a few weeks ago when your body became your own again.”

She glares at Trevor, and I simply rub the bridge of my nose.

“Do either of you even know how to take care of a baby? Do you know the first thing about feeding schedules or diapering or formula? I’m breastfeeding him and he’s going to be pissed when you take me away and try to give him a bottle. Do you have a crib with a safe sleep space, and are you aware he wakes about 4-5 times a night for food or diaper changes? You do realize how much babies cry, right?”

“We’re not here to take him, Lark.”

She narrows her eyes at me, challenging me. “Then why the fuck are you here? No one wants you here.”

“Wasn’t expecting a warm welcome,” I smirk. “I wanted to see him. Wanted to see you. This idiot found out and demanded to tag along.”

“Well, you’ve seen us both. You can rest easy knowing I was capable enough to give birth and that we’re both still breathing, no thanks to either of you.” She turns and starts to stalk out, my hollow arms aching.

“Wait, can I…can I just hold him? Please? If he’s the only one I’m going to get, I want to know what it’s like to hold him when he’s still so small.”

“Glad you’re admitting you’re not getting anywhere near me again.”

“We don’t have to make this difficult, you know? We made our choices, and you made yours. I’d like to be able to keep you in his life when we’re ready to bring him home, but if you can’t be decent to us, I don’t know how that’s going to work.” The words hurt as they spew from my mouth, but dealing with her just makes me fucking crazy, always has. I don’t know what it is about the girl that just zaps every ounce of compassion I have, but it’s a damn talent.

She steps towards us but the venom in her eyes is clearer than the ugly specks on the linoleum tile we’re standing on.

“Coercion. Classy. If you want to touch him, you need to wash your hands first. I don’t know where the fuck those hands have been.”

I get up calmly and cuff Trevor on the back of the head to make him come with me, soaping up and drying them off without a single argument across the room at the kitchenette that was likely installed 30-40 years ago. I can respect that she’s trying to keep the baby healthy.

I extend my hands when I get close enough, tunnel vision on the bundle tucked close to her body. I can’t see his face the way she’s holding him, but I know it’s a boy. I’ve known since we found out she was pregnant. It’s like the goddess implanted the knowledge into my head.

She’s shaking as she hands him over, tears instantly flowing from her eyes like she’s imagining me running off with him and never looking back.

“You really love him, don’t you?”

“I grew him in my body for six months and spent day and night nourishing him from my body and caring for him. He’s the only bright spot I have left. Only a monster could go through everything I went through and not feel anything other than absolute adoration for the child they went through it for.”

I relax a bit, because if nothing else, I know she’s a good mom, even if she is young.

The second I get a look at his wrinkly little face and those hazel eyes that are a near direct translation of mine blink open, all the frustrations from the last few months melt away. I created something good. Me, a total fuckup that can’t do a damn thing right.

“He’s perfect,” I say in awe.

Even Trevor is silent as he takes in our son. He leans forward and kisses his tiny little forehead, and I can almost feel the flashes he’s experiencing of those early days when we first found Lark and felt hope. Because I’m experiencing them too. There may be a decent future for us yet.

“I feel like I could stare at him all day,” I admit.

Trevor snaps some pictures of us together, and then he gets to hold him while I snap some pictures, and it’s then I realize I haven’t even asked what she named him.

My eyes snap up to the tear-filled ones of Lark, watching her crumpled up and leaning against the woman that led her in, and I almost want to be the man that is there for her, comforting her, even if I know that we’re bad together. “What’s his name?”

“Oh, yeah, I guess he’ll be needing one of those. I’m partial to Trevor Jr.,” the idiot says with a smile.

“I went through the labor, I get to choose. You both lost the right to have any say in his name when you abandoned us. His name is Camden James.”

“Cute.”

Her fingers are twitching as we handle the baby, and I know she’s probably dying to hold him again so she knows he’s safe.

When we hand him back over, she lets out a big sob and takes several steps backwards immediately, planting space between us as a form of protection.

“Do you…need anything?”

She shakes her head as she buries her face into the tiny little body, and I reach for my wallet anyway. “Here. We were assholes when we brought you here the way we did. I want to apologize for not leaving you with the clothes you were wearing or for letting you take anything from the house. It’s all still there, if you want me to bring some of it for you. Or all of it. Or maybe you could come stay the weekend sometime?”

Trevor starts laughing. “Rich. Grow some backbone, man. Why the fuck you apologizing? Do you not remember what put us in this position in the first place? Her lies? She doesn’t have need for that nice stuff here. I bet she’s perfectly content with what she’s got now, aren’t you sweetheart?”

I swear to the fucking goddess I will murder this man someday. I settle for a sharp elbow to the kidney. “Don’t be a fucking asshole. Can’t you see how much she’s suffering?”

“Fuck you. She’s just a little washed up. Looks like she’s got enough anger in her flabby body to incinerate us if she wanted to.”

The woman with Lark is quick to intercede. “That’s enough. If you have no more business with Ms. Drake, I’ll just ask you to be on your way.”

Hearing my name attached to hers hits me good. “Can I just have a moment of your time? Please? Without Trevor?”

“Fine. I’ll fucking wait outside, you pussy. Go kiss up and make yourself feel better for putting her somewhere that’s been literally providing for her. Bet she complains about everything here, too. You get jealous when the matron helps other residents, Lark? I remember how much you used to whine about us touching our employees.”

“I said, that’s enough! Leave now or I will have you removed and banned. Your lack of sensitivity is appalling.”

“Whatever. Peace. Congratulations on not fucking up your pregnancy.”

He walks out, and the second he’s out of the building, something inside of me cracks.

I slump down in the nearest chair and bury my face in my arms, exhausted. “As you can see, it’s not so great without you, Lark. I know we weren’t perfect, but losing you made me and Trevor a totally empty pack. Our bond is basically destroyed too. We’ve been living apart, only seeing each other at work.”

She sits next to me, draping a blanket over her shoulder when the baby starts to fuss, then uses the cover to feed him. “Do you expect me to feel bad for you, Ivan? I don’t think you understand how completely you fucked up my life. I’m living in a shelter, for fuck’s sake. Him saying all my needs are being met is incredibly ignorant.”

“You always were so smart, using big words. Would you consider trying again with me? We can keep Trevor out of it; I think he’s always pushed me to be a worse version of myself and I just always seem to let him take me there.”

“You’re joking, right? You mated me against my will, pressured me into sleeping with you, never made me come once, and then dumped me here the day you found out you knocked me up because you ‘didn’t want to see me get fat’. And I very much do not comprehend the saltiness about me not wanting you two to touch other women. Do you have any idea what that was like? How hellish it was to feel through the bond when you’d be getting off with someone else?”

“You could feel that?”

“Do you fucking know anything at all about shifters, asshole? Of course I could feel that. Every damn time one of them made you come I’d get a rush of pleasure down the bond that made me sick to my fucking stomach.

“I’m a fucking kid, Ivan. When we met, we all agreed to wait to start anything until I graduated high school so I could bring my best self into the mating.”

“You forced our hand when you asked to move in with us early.”

“You mean when my parents fucking left me homeless unless I agreed to move in with the two guys that were nearly ten years my senior and owned a fucking strip club? You honestly think that was my plan A? And that is no excuse for the way you’ve treated me; if you had any respect for me as your mate, you’d have encouraged me to graduate and supported me while I became the adult I should have been allowed to morph into. Not hold me back and then cut my feet out from under me.”

I sigh, letting go of the fight. I don’t have it in me to continue to hash things out with her. It’s clear we’re not going to get anywhere. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry you got mated to us. You should have been mated to someone closer to your age that wasn’t told how stupid they were their whole life. You should have been cherished and fucking cared for, and we didn’t really do that, did we?”

“I’m not even going to dignify that with a response, not after everything you took away from me. You didn’t get hit like I did when you dumped me here because you’re the one that rejected me, but the pain you thrust upon me was so much worse than labor. It’s something I actively have to fight every damn day here. The sadness inside of me has embedded itself into my bones, and I can’t shake it. The depression…thank the goddess for Camden because he’s the only thing that makes me strive to complete basic self-care tasks.”

“You really won’t take my money?”

“Will I take the money you made by exploiting women and/or fucking them in between sets? No. I don’t want anything you have to offer, Ivan.”

I stand and press a kiss to the top of her head, fighting tears. It feels impossible to go against every instinct my wolf has, because he still recognizes her as our lost mate, and wants to wrap her up and protect her from everything. He wants to feed her and care for our young and provide a good home.

But we’re just shit on her shoe, and even if she doesn’t get yet that living here is a step up from living with me, I do. Maybe she’ll get it someday. “No matter what you think, I still care about you, Lark. My need for other women doesn’t diminish that.”

“Just fucking stop, already.”

“I’ll come back and visit at some point so we can work out custody. I want you to have this time with him though, because I think it’s important for him to have time with his mother in the early part of his life.”

“You’re really going to take him from me, aren’t you?”

“It’s pack law, Lark.”

“Not a requirement though. What the hell are you going to do with a kid? You going to make your girlfriends take care of him? This is a child, Ivan, not a trophy for you to show off. He is the only thing I have. Please, don’t take him from me.”

“You know I have to. Not today, but someday.”

I walk out of that room that does indeed smell of gravy, pain in my chest convincing me I’m in imminent threat of a heart attack even if they’re nearly unheard of in shifters.

I can’t tell her that having a kid is the only way to get my inheritance, because then she’ll really know how weak I am. Especially because that makes it obvious that my number one priority is always myself, not how my actions or needs affect those around me.

Trevor is just sitting next to the car smoking, but I don’t miss the ragged way he breathes or the redness in his eyes that matches the need to cry in mine.

We’re both fucked up, but there’s nothing for it.