Page 21 of Tamed Wolf (Rejected Mates of the Shelter #4)

Lark, Now

My eyes ping between the three of them when they finally run out of words, my mouth opening and closing a few times because at first, I don’t know what to say in return.

It seems to shock the hell out of Beckett when I grab each of their hands as best as I can between my two, connecting us all. “Nobody deserves to be treated like that. I guess not everybody gets that fairy tale magic mating we all grew up learning about. Thank you for taking such good care of me during my heat. I've never experienced something like that before. They've always been something I dreaded, because I never really had a good option for them.”

“Why do I feel as if you're trying to brush us off, Lark?” Blake’s eyes turn accusatory, but they need to hear me out.

“You’re all… incredible. I love your ideas and hopes for a brighter future for this pack, and how kind you are to me. You're good, honorable men with a baby, and I'm, well, I'm a stripper . That's the extent of my worth.” I can already feel my heart breaking, because doing the right thing is hardly ever easy. “You can't bring somebody like me into your life, because I'm no good for you. You deserve to have somebody wholesome and good, somebody without all this baggage I have. Someone that can take your word at face value and believe you, instead of mistrusting and dissecting everything you're going to say. I don't know how to fight for myself anymore, I've been tamed for years, unable to break away from the bonds inflicted on me.”

I can read the room, and I know that they're upset, as they should be. They dropped everything to help me through my heat and this is how I repay them? It's not fair to them, but I couldn’t control what my body needed or how they responded to it broadcasting that need.

Blake is nearly shaking, and he smacks his hand hard on the table as he stands, commanding my attention. “That is unacceptable, Lark. Would you like to try that again?”

I bring my hands back to myself, tucking them into my body so that I don't do anything embarrassing with them. “I don't understand.”

His chair makes an awful screeching sound as he kicks it behind him, rounding the table to confront me. I flinch back because that's how I’ve been conditioned to react to such outbursts, and that seems to break him.

Blake hangs his head low, breathing hard for a minute as if to contain himself before speaking. His voice is so much lower, so much kinder when he's ready to talk again. “What is your worth, Lark? I'll give you a hint. It's not tied to the roles those assholes forced upon you; it's not tied to what anybody has done to you. It's tied to who you are in here,” he says as he taps on my chest, right above my heart. “Even the goddess can make mistakes and be disappointed in people. We have to believe mother moon will right her wrongs, though, and take care of us. Sometimes, that means we have to be patient for everything to work out. Sometimes that means that the first letdown was not a stumbling block, but a step towards what we actually deserve.

“I don't regret what we got from our nonexistent relationship with Arabella, because it brought us Rowan. That kid is perfect. We had to go through those trials in order to understand what kind of a pack we truly wanted and what we will and will not settle for in a mate. Your strength is what defines you, Lark. How old were you when you met Trevor and Ivan, again? You were a teenager, right?”

“16,” I tell them in a clear voice.

“And they're what, about 10 years older than you? I just know somehow that they took advantage of you and your inexperience.”

I find myself shaking my head, which disgusts me. But it's a habit so ingrained in me to defend them, that I don't know how else to behave. “We weren't physical until just before my 17th birthday,” I explain. “They took care of me before that point though, respected me.”

Blake takes my hands in his, making sure I'm still looking at him and nowhere else in the room. “Did they actually respect you, Lark? Or did they make you feel as if you owed them something because of the bond you didn't ask for? Tell me, did they make you feel bad for not giving in to them, or make you feel as if you had to give them something if you wanted them to stick around?”

I don't know how he's reading me this well; maybe he's just a really good judge of character and can figure things out without somebody actually telling him point blank. Embarrassingly, I feel tears start to leak out of my eyes as I remember some of the earliest memories of when my life started to spiral out of control. “My parents have an age gap as well,” I tell the room. I might just be speaking to Blake, but I know the others are right next to us and listening, taking everything in as well. “They were happy for me when I brought Trevor and Ivan home that first time; my mother immediately started talking about planning a mating. I guess it was exciting, because here I was, 16 years old, and I'd found my mates.

“They were older than me, had this whole bad boy thing going on and I felt important. I was able to get some counselling while I was in the shelter, so I know now that they started separating me from my parents immediately. They didn't want me relying on anyone but themselves for anything, so maybe it shouldn't have been a surprise when less than a year later, my parents informed me they sold the house I had grown up in and planned on traveling without me.”

I'm an adult woman, damn it, I should not be hurt by the actions that 16-year-old me experienced. But I am, because there's a deep hurt in me that I don't think I'll ever actually get over.

Blake sucks in a breath, and his thumbs begin to trace soothing circles over my hands. “Whose choice was it to get physical?”

I shrug because maybe it was me, but he's right; I was pressured. “I tried to talk some sense into my father,” I recall out loud, casting my memory back to the night that changed everything. “I remember screaming at my parents, asking them what I was supposed to do because I was still in high school. Asking them what was wrong with me, why they didn't want to be my parents anymore. My brother had just moved in with his own pack, and I know my mom and dad were sick of the responsibility of having me around. I think they used my meeting Trevor and Ivan as the excuse they needed to abandon their responsibility to me. They talked themselves into believing it was okay for them to do that, because I wouldn't be alone. I had mates that were more than capable of providing for me financially, and for all they knew, they were more than willing to do so.”

“But even back then,” Brooks asks, also seeming to understand what I'm not saying, “your so-called mates didn't really take care of you, did they?”

I shake my head again and steel myself with a deep breath, wanting the catharsis that comes from ridding myself of all these demons that have been locked inside of me for so long. “You know what they said to me the night we met? That they couldn't wait to tell their girlfriend about me. That she was going to think I was adorable.

“The night that fight happened with my father, when he slapped me and I knew I had to get out of his house, I called Ivan crying, wanting nothing more than for them to come pick me up and make everything better. My foundation was falling apart underneath me, and I needed something to hold me up.

“So, I turned to my mates, because that's what I had been conditioned and instructed to do. My father made me feel as if I was being selfish and immature by not moving forward with the guys, for being cautious as I went through high school. My mother told me it was my duty to take care of my mates. But when I called the guys and told them what happened…” I let out a little sob because after replaying this situation in my head countless times over the years, after putting together all the clues of being in their club directly after, I know exactly why Ivan was out of breath when he was on the phone with me. “He was at work, and he changed rooms when I called him.

“While I was pouring my heart out, he was getting sucked off by one of his employees. And they brought me to their club after I packed up all my stuff, after I stupidly gave myself to Ivan because he convinced me it would be a good fuck you to my parents after the way they treated me, for them to know what we did in my room. He took things too far when he bit me without me giving him permission to do so.

“When we got to the club, I told myself I was okay with what was going to happen, because I knew there was nothing to do about it. They had been clear from the start that whatever I did with one of them the other one was owed as well. So as soon as Trevor saw the bite and knew what we had gotten up to, he acted like he was going to take care of me and make it sweet, but they were never careful with me. They always just took what they wanted without any consideration for how it felt for me or that the way they did things might be uncomfortable or even downright painful. I never enjoyed it. Not once did I actually enjoy myself with them when we were intimate.

“And I don't mean just that they never got me off without significant assistance from my own hand, because that's also true; I mean not once did I come away from a coupling with them feeling closer to them or feeling as if it meant anything more to them than just a way to relieve their balls.

“I felt every damn time they slept with somebody else. I don't think they were smart enough to figure that out, I had to tell them in plain words after Camden was born. Had to use my own voice to explain to them that every time they let somebody else touch them, or they touched somebody else, which was often, mind you, I basically got a front row seat.

“I hated that bond. I hated it so much. But I was trapped. I was young, I had nowhere else to go. They had very methodically cut me off from all my other friends.” I'm full-on crying now, but Blake is quick to sweep me up and carry me to the living room, sinking onto their couch and holding me firmly against him. He's wrapping his arms around me and trying to comfort me, letting me cry without making me feel bad for getting his shirt all gross.

I don't think I've ever felt like I was allowed to actually cry, to feel this deeply. I've always had to suppress it, always pressured to be strong for everybody else's sake.

Blake doesn't tell me to shush, he doesn't tell me everything's going to be okay, he just holds me. He lets me break apart, giving me a safe space to do so. And Brooks and Beckett are on either side of me, wordlessly lending me their strength as well, waiting for me to feel ready to move on.

I keep my head against Blake’s chest because it's comfortable, and because he smells like sun-soaked sage and I can’t get enough of it. “I was terrified when that pregnancy test came back positive.” My voice is quiet, but I know they can hear every word I'm saying. “I just wanted time to come to grips with it. I was 17 and pregnant and they talked me into dropping out of high school, so I had a pretty good idea of what my future with them was going to look like. They controlled every aspect of my life and knew how to use everything I wanted against me. I knew they would use my pregnancy to further control me.

“So, I hid it. I didn't tell them immediately. I knew that I had to sooner rather than later, but I wanted some sort of plan first. In my disbelief and disquiet about the pregnancy test results, I forgot that wolves could smell when their mates become pregnant. They figured it out and they were pissed when they realized I didn't tell them the second I found out. They ignored me the entire day, made me follow them around their meetings doing pointless tasks, barely fed me, and then they dropped me off at the shelter.

“They ruined me and then ruined me some more. It didn't matter how desperate I was when I begged them not to leave me there, they did it anyway. They didn't want me, but they made it clear that they were going to be back at some point for the baby. Made it seem like when I was older and more mature, we could try again, but they liked not being nagged too much to ever consider that option seriously. Not that I would have taken them back after everything went down the way it did.

“They came to visit me a few weeks after Camden was born, and I thought they were going to take him then, but I think the idea of caring for someone so wholly dependent scared the shit out of them.” That actually makes me laugh, helping my sobs to get somewhat under control. “I got a few years with Camden where we were mostly happy, or as happy as we could be under the circumstances. I got him to myself, and I had other women at the shelter helping me through everything, going through similar things themselves. I had a job there and childcare, and food to sustain me.

“But they came back, because of course they did. I don't think they intended to take me with them, I just knew I couldn't let my son leave me. So, I did what I had to do to stay in his life, and I gave all my pride to move in with them. I became their live-in maid, their servant. I felt my son slip farther and farther away from me as they turned their thinking into his thinking, and I jumped every time they asked me to. I was so sure I’d be able to carry the strength and identity I had worked so hard to establish in the shelter with me, that I’d be able to come through everything remade and strong, but it only took them a month or so to break me again. I guess I’m not strong at all.

“I took dance classes and trained at their club, then became their highest earning dancer, all so they wouldn't take away access to my son. I found out later the only reason they even wanted him was because of some inheritance clause that Ivan had; to gain control of the club and everything that went with it, he had to not only have an heir, but custody of said heir. He comes from a line of shitty men, apparently. And naturally, that club and that money was way more fucking important to them than anything, and I had entered some sort of sick game where they tried everything they could think of to humiliate and use me, because they knew I’d do anything for Camden.

“By the time I realized why they were so motivated, my son didn't want anything to do with me because of who I had morphed into; my transformation was complete. They had me sleeping in a dog kennel, tamed to within an inch of my life. I don't think I had a single independent thought for myself from then on. I had no aspirations, no hope for a better future, until the three of you walked into my club and I got to touch you.”

I wipe my eyes as best I can, and I take a deep breath as I look between the three alpha wolves sitting around me. The alphas that all alphas should measure themselves against. “It felt wrong wanting you the way I did, because I could tell how much younger than me you were. I didn't want to come off as predatory, the way I had experienced. I know you were adults, so it was a completely different situation, but the whole time I was dancing for you guys, I was getting lost in the fantasy that you were mine. I was there dancing for you because I meant something to you. And you flirted right back.” I shake my head, because that night still feels like I was in some sort of a trance.

“Of course we flirted back,” Beckett tells me. “We were lost to you the second we caught your scent. And then you came walking into that room like a damn fantasy brought to life, all curves, and gorgeous smile, and sultry voice, the very definition of temptation.”

Brooks smiles at me and reaches forward to tuck my hair behind my ear. “I told myself there was no way you danced that well for other customers. I was so convinced of our connection that I was shocked when you just walked away at the end of the allotted time.”

I let out another small laugh, surprisingly. It's crazy to think that this all started because of a lap dance that my estranged son coordinated. Talk about needing therapy. “I definitely didn't dance like that for other people. With you, I was different. I don't know how to explain it, other than to say I wanted it to mean something. That session with you was the one rare bit of happiness I'd been granted in who knows how long, and I was determined to give my time with you my all so that I could think about it later when I was alone again.”

Brooks gently gets hold of my chin and tilts my face back towards him. “Lark, what's really holding you back? Is it that you don't see yourself being happy with us? Is it the age difference? Is it our lifestyle? I know you said it wasn't Rowan, but we want to know if it is. We're committed to seeing this through. This is the mating we all were meant to find from the very beginning. I hate that you had to go through everything you did to get to this point, but you have to understand that when I say we're going to take such good care of you, I mean it more than anybody has ever meant anything they've ever said.

“We want to learn everything about you. We want to provide a safe home for you, somewhere you feel free and comfortable, somewhere where you can pursue whatever you want to pursue. We want to feed you and make this a real home. Selfishly, we want to see you with Rowan. What you've been doing with your life up until this point is irrelevant, especially considering none of it was actually your choice. We could never hold your career against you. You are not worth so little. Feeling you give in to us during your heat was incredible. It was a snapshot of how great this pack could be if we give it the breathing room it needs to flourish.”

“What if I'm not ready for all of that?”

Beckett steals my attention next, shrugging. “Then we do whatever you’re comfortable with. You can move into the pack house until we find you something more permanent. You'd be safe as hell there. We could get you a job there if you wanted. Or you can just rest and heal.”

“Or,” Brooks suggests, pulling me onto his lap, “you give in to this crazy thing I know you feel, too, and decide to ignore all of the little voices in your head telling you it's not going to work. You do something you want to do for once, and you throw caution to the wind for all the right reasons. You allow yourself to truly get to know us and understand us and you come to realize how flawless we could be together. I know you're scared, Lark. We're scared too.”

“You are?” I ask dumbly.

He nods his head. “Of course we are. We have a lot at stake here, too. A lot of eyes are on us as heirs to the pack, and we want to do right by our son. It would be unwise not to be terrified of this, whatever it is currently. However, the idea of never seeing how this could all play out scares me more. That's how I know this is the right decision.”

That logic hits me square in the chest, it makes me see things clearer. He's right.

It's downright terrifying to just decide to give this a go on what feels like a whim; to try and build a relationship unlike anything I've ever built before. To put my trust in people I barely know but seem to trust, nevertheless.

But if I walk away and decide this is a bad idea or that the timing is off, I know that I'll be right back to hating myself and I’m terrified of learning what it's like to lose this tentative connection we've already built. That terror is far greater than the uncertainty I feel in putting my heart in their hands.

“Is it okay if I wake up some days and want to go slow, and other days I'm ready to race towards forever? Will it be okay still if I go back and forth 100 times before I stop doubting my own mind? Is it going to be okay when I come to you with concerns about the same thing for the 50th time and you have to explain to me, yet again, that you meant every word you told me? Are you going to grow to resent me when you realize how long it's going to take me to stop waiting for something bad to happen to us?”

“Lark, I want you to do something for us,” Beckett tells me. “I want you to tell us all the reasons why you want to try something with us. Give us the reasons why building a pack with us is the right thing for you. Not why you think we want to, but why you want to.”

I swallow nervously, feeling completely put on the spot as I search through my head and my heart to give them an answer that feels genuine. “I never felt as if Ivan and Trevor were the best choice for me, I only felt like they were my only option. I think, in this pack, with everything you're already offering me, it's not my only option. I want to be with you, because...”

I close my eyes, willing the courage to keep flowing through me. And I keep them closed until I'm done talking. “I want to be with you, because I like who I am when I'm with you. I like the version of myself that you bring out, and I like the thoughts my brain has when you're touching me. I like the way I felt when I first walked into your home, how quickly I felt comfortable here, and how perfect Rowan feels in my arms.

“I want to be with you, because you're giving me a choice. I want to be with you because I choose to do so. Because I don't like when the negative thoughts win, because I don't like the voice in my head that tells me to be quiet and stay out of people's way.”

I open my eyes finally, my conscience clearing. “I feel strong when I'm with you three. And maybe that's a crazy thing to say given how little time we've actually spent together when naked body parts weren’t involved, but I can already feel the bond that wants to grow between us, and it feels healthy. It feels like my every dream come true; I think, no I know, that I deserve to be happy just like everybody else.”

Brooks looks like he might cry and everybody's silent as my words echo in the quiet spaces between us, hanging over our heads like a threat that's quickly disappearing. Like the storm clouds are dispersing and there's incandescent sunshine on the way.

“This only works if we can all talk about what we need,” Beckett tells us all. “You can't be afraid to tell us what you need, Lark, because we want you to be able to speak for yourself. Don't assume that we know, even if we might. We want you to feel emboldened to tell us exactly what you want, exactly what you need. And maybe we're not going to provide a lavish lifestyle for you, but we'll make sure you have the things you need, no matter what it takes to do so.”

“Never in my life have I been granted that freedom.”

“Does that scare you?” Brooks asks me. Nobody tries to talk over me or guess what I'm going to say, they just sit there patiently, waiting for me to gather my thoughts and speak them aloud. Yet another first.

“The only thing scary about that is it means I'll be responsible for my happiness, for what my future holds. If nobody's holding me back, I won't have anybody to blame if things go south again.”

“We understand that you've tempered yourself to expect things to go badly,” Beckett says as he leans forward to brush a kiss on my shoulder. “And I think the only thing that will cure you of that is time with people who want nothing more than to see you flourish. I can't promise you we’ll never fight, but I can promise you we’ll never intentionally hurt you or be cruel to you, and I can promise you we'll wake up every day and choose to put in the effort we've so desperately been wanting to give somebody. Nobody's been worthy of that until now. Until you.”

With all the new freedom coursing through my veins, and the high of the last few days still embedded into every inch of my skin, the only thing I can think to ask for in this moment is just more of them. More of everything we've already been doing.

“You're biting your lip, baby. Is there something you thought of? Something you want? Your entire look just changed.”

My first tendency or impulse is to look away from them and lower my eyes as a show of submission, but I'm emboldened by the power they're putting in me. So instead, I keep my eyes on theirs as I answer Beckett’s question. “What I want more than anything right now, is to be with you with a clear head. I need something to hold on to that isn't flush with the haze of my heat. A memory that won't be tainted by the fog that's been over me since they began to drug me.”

Brooks' lips are on mine the second I finish speaking my command, not dominating me or trying to lead me a certain way but letting me know instead that he's fully on board with this plan. “I’d take you to bed, but we haven't gotten around to changing those sheets and I think they're pretty rank right now. Think we can make the couch work?” He asks between kisses.

I press myself more into him, showing him with my body that I don't want to move. During my heat, I know they enjoyed themselves, but I know that they were doing it because I needed it, not because they felt free to give themselves to me. But the way Brooks is holding me and touching me and kissing me now is very different. He's pressing me between himself and Blake, and the thought of taking more than them at once has my chest flushing with heat.

“Both of you together,” I demand as I twist my head to Blake to kiss him as well. And to make sure they know I haven't forgotten that there is in fact a third replica of them, I reach out to Beckett and put my hands on him, greedily running over his shoulders until I feel ready to pull away from my kiss with Blake.

I should be sore and exhausted and wanting nothing to do with sex, but I need this proof that when I’m completely sober, they’re just as intoxicating. I want to be selfish for once in my life. I want to feel adored, wanted. I want to feel like I’m somebody worthy of connection.

I don't have to do any of the work of removing my clothing, their hands are steady as they pull off my borrowed clothing, smoothing my freshly cleaned hair away from my face they start to twist themselves in different ways so that I can touch all of them at once.

“Before this goes any further, Lark, I want to reassure you that none of us are going to bite you. Not yet, that is. This isn't for that. You are going to make the decision when and if you want that from us, alright?”

I nod in response to Beckett’s statement as I continue to be ravished by his brothers. The way Brooks is touching me makes me feel completely sensual, and then I can feel the rougher touch of Blake as he works his hands between my legs, feeling the parts of me he's learned so well over the last few days.

I gasp out loud when I’m lifted and sat on a very bare and exposed Blake, not realizing he was ready for me; but Brooks doesn't waste any time using that to his advantage. He does a sneaky move that has Blake laying on the couch, me continuing to be impaled by him with my back facing his front. I'm sitting up, giving Brooks ample room to straddle his brother with a moderate apology. Brooks' fingers begin to probe my backside, stretching a part of me I've never enjoyed having touched. Sure, Ivan and Trevor took that from me as well, but it was just one more thing that was painful and something to get through instead of being enjoyed.

I find that the slow gentle touches Brooks is offering me takes all of the sting away though, igniting the nerve endings and making the heat within my body raise several degrees in anticipation.

He stretches me so swiftly, so efficiently, that I find myself leaning forward across Blake's legs to grant Brooks better access. And weirdly, my mouth opens of its own accord, silently begging Beckett to fill my mouth as well.

Convenient that there're three holes on my body and three of them to plug them.

“Never seen anything so perfect,” Brooks murmurs as he starts gathering slick from my body to coat the easing of his passage. The rate at which I'm leaking slick for them means there's zero friction when he starts pressing himself into me, making me burn in such a concentrated way that I have to pull away from Beckett so I can moan.

“And fuck if I don’t want to be where you are right now,” Beckett says under his breath to his brother that’s filling me so beautifully. “Fuck it. I need to see.” He moves himself, stepping off the couch to get behind my shoulders where Brooks is gently pushing me down against Blake's legs, moving himself slowly further into my body and making it feel completely at capacity in the best way possible.

Beckett disappears for just a moment and comes back with a bottle of lube, dripping it all over his brother so the entry is even better. It's pure slide now as he starts to push into me more, working himself into me and rubbing against his brother through my body.

My mouth feels empty though, and I'm turning my head, seeking out Beckett again.

Never one to disappoint me, he knows exactly what I want. “Good girl,” he says as he slides himself against my tongue. “Taking your three mates so well, aren't you?”

I whimper when he calls himself that, loving the way it sounds coming out of his mouth, directed at me.

“You liked that baby, didn't you? You like when we call you our mate?”

I nod even as he's lodged in my throat, swallowing around him as he pushes as deep into my mouth as he can go, completely cutting off my air supply. Who needs oxygen though when you have glorious dick?

“ Gods , the way your throat is just taking me so damn well. You look so beautiful with your lips wrapped around me, Lark. Perfect fucking woman for us.”

I get lost in their sweet words, letting them use my body as they continue to praise me. My orgasm sneaks up on me so fast I don't even have time to scream before another one piles on right next to it.

For the first time in my life, I'm in a situation where I'm lucid enough and relaxed enough to not understand if I'm experiencing one extraordinarily long orgasm, or a chain of them separated by the tiniest of breaks.

I use the hips I've perfected to ride the two alphas underneath me, working myself onto them, moving fluidly, then I'm tasting the delicious salty precum slowly dripping into my mouth from Beckett. His hand in my hair is gripping tighter, and I know he's getting close. If they're going to offer me everything I've ever wanted on a silver platter, then maybe it's time to blow their minds. Just a little.

I pull off of Beckett enough to get a good breath and regulate my breathing, making eye contact with him as I pull away from all three men. I'm hovering right above Brooks and Blake, my lips just millimeters away from Beckett.

Keeping eye contact with the alpha in front of me, I let the two alphas under me back inside my body, pushing and pushing incessantly until their knots are flush against my body. Only then do I take Beckett back into my mouth, easing him down my throat. With a fortifying inhale of air, I use the core muscles the good goddess gave me, pushing my body down and getting not one, but two alpha’s knots wedged inside of my body at the same time.

It's impossible, really, and I know my ass is going to hurt like crazy later, but the way they're pushing on every single nerve ending inside of me has me gushing all over them, screaming as I force Beckett even farther down my throat, getting his massive knot behind my teeth and locking it in place as I try to breathe through my nose.

They all start whimpering at the same time, shaking against me as the overwhelm of sensation overcomes them, crying out my name as I grip onto all three of them, trying to milk them for all they’re worth. My orgasm has me nearly blacking out, but the discomfort and the delicious stretch my body is undergoing keeps me conscious.

I feel the warmth down my throat first, my air supply coming back in a slow trickle through my nose, my body fluttering and clamping around Brooks and Blake, cramping up my entire body in the process.

I'm completely boneless, maybe more so than after my heat by the time my orgasm has fully passed. I wait breathlessly for their knots to deflate, and there's an obscene amount of cum in all the holes they can realistically possess. Even though Beckett shot straight down my throat, somehow my mouth is still full of him.

I make eye contact with Beckett and open my mouth enough to show him, swallowing with intention as I flop sideways on the couch. The squelch my body makes as Brooks and Blake fall out of me would be comical if I hadn't just sucked the life out of all three of them.

“Oh yeah, we're keeping her,” Blake pants as he tries to catch his breath next to me.