Page 22 of Tamed Wolf (Rejected Mates of the Shelter #4)

Lark, Now

My hands are trembling as we walk up the front steps of the Alpha House, my heart racing. After another shower I could tell the guys were itching to get their baby back, and since I'm feeling clingy as hell, here I am, accompanying them.

At least this time I'm in my own clothes, even if they're the shabby ones I have from the shelter. But even in these old rags, the guys still make me feel beautiful. They don't berate me for not looking nice or make fun of me for how worn out everything is, they just smiled at me when I came out of the bathroom and told me how comfortable and relaxed I looked.

Brooks opens the door for us all, keeping a hand on my back when he follows me through. I've never been here before, but it's warm and nearly as welcoming as the guys' cabin. It's got huge soaring ceilings and activity everywhere you look, people coming and going with smiles on their faces.

It feels like a sham that everybody could be so happy when there's members of their pack suffering in the shelter. I've never understood how nobody cares that we're there, that nobody has tried before now to make things better.

Oops, my bitterness is showing again.

I can feel eyes on us as the guys lead me expertly through the place, nodding at people that call out a greeting, but not stopping to talk to them.

It's a maze of hallways, and I didn't know what I was expecting, but the alpha's quarters aren't very lavish at all. They're just as simple and comfortable as the rest of the large lodge style building, modest even.

I can hear Rowan babbling before we get through the door, and my heart lurches in my chest. I'm scared to feel a connection to him because I've basically already lost one child. But knowing that Rowan is part of the incredible men that seem to want everything with me has me reaching for him the second the door is open.

The moment is heavy as their mother and Luna of the pack puts him into my arms, smiling at me with tears in her eyes. But I can’t look away from their pup.

I blindly sink into a rocking chair tucked into the corner, holding the adorable pile of chub in front of me. He reaches for my hair, wrapping his meaty fists around it and pulling his face towards my cheek with a slobbery open mouth. And I don't mind. In fact, I love it. He smells so good, like baby lotion and sweet things, and his eyes are locked on me.

“Hey there, Rowan,” I say quiet enough for just him to hear. I know these guys want to step forward and see him, that they must be missing him like crazy, but they all give me space to greet their son, to bond with him for a moment.

He babbles back at me, but when eyes track to where his dads are all standing, I turn into chopped liver. “Alright, alright, yes, yes, your daddies are here. Sorry,” I tell the guys. “I tend to get dumb around babies.”

I hand the baby over and step back as they greet their son, feeling a twinge of guilt that it was because of me they were parted from him.

Those age-old thoughts are racing behind my eyes, asking me what the hell I think I'm doing here, why I'm here when I'm not needed. But then their mother is next to me, wrapping an arm around my waist and pulling me into her. “You look so much better dear,” she tells me quietly. “I didn't see you very long when they brought you in, but you had everybody so worried.”

“It was rough, that's for sure.” Not sure what else to say about it, but she lingers as if there's something else she wants to talk about. Without turning my head away from the family reunion, I try to open up a line of conversation with her. “Your sons, they’re... incredible.”

She looks at me, rolling her lips in. “Thank you,” she finally says. And then after waiting a few more minutes while we watch her grown children interact with their own, she says, “You know, I didn't believe my husband when he told me you had formed a trauma mate bond with our sons, but I believe him now.”

I turn my head to her, feeling awkward and unprepared for a conversation like this with somebody so important to the pack, so I have to tell myself to think of her as the guys’ mom and nothing more so I don't come off even crazier than I am. “That's... an unexpected development,” I admit. “I don't want you to think I'm using them or anything.”

“You don't think you're good enough for them, do you?”

At that question, all eyes in the room rove to me and wait for my answer. “It's clear as day I'm not,” I say to my own embarrassment.

“I disagree, though you're not what I would have expected for them to fall for. You're beautiful, of course—

“Mom.” Blake interrupts her before she says anything she might regret, then strides across the room and tucks me under his arm, kissing the top of my head.

“This isn't up for debate,” he tells her. And then to me he says, “She's never really interacted with a rejected wolf before.”

Feeling defiant, I find the fire within me to stand up for myself. “We're not some different species, you know? I'm exactly the same as you. I was simply given mates that didn't give a shit about me from the beginning. Nothing I've been through is my fault.”

“Amen to that,” Beckett says, eyes still on his son but looking proud of me, nonetheless.

“It's just the stories we hear about that place...”

“You've never been there?” I ask her, unimpressed. “Why would you? You have everything you need right here. Comfortable lodging, supportive people... you know, sometimes we need to make ourselves uncomfortable when we're given the power to help other people.”

With that, I see myself out, shrugging away from Blake. I remember most of the turns we took to get back to the part of the lodge we’re in, but I decide to get lost instead. I'm sure one of the guys is following me, but I don't really feel like apologizing for the way I just spoke to their mother.

It's hard not to feel unwanted as well as rejected as I stand in this pack house meant for the entirety of the pack. I've never gotten to be invited here, never got to join in any events. First I was too young, then not included by my family, forbidden by my mates, and then unable to because my shelter address.

When I make it to the main hallway where everything leads off from, I stop before a tapestry we'd walked by earlier.

It's massive, spanning several stories high and depicting in great detail the history of the Storm Pack.

It's clear the pack has pride, that they're proud of where they come from and what they stand for, but to me as an outsider, it means nothing.

I feel lost. I want to go back to the shelter and hide, go back to what I'm used to, what's comfortable, but the last time I was there something bad happened to me, so it doesn't feel like a safe place anymore.

Blake slides up behind me silently, wrapping his arms around me and giving me exactly what I was looking for. “What are you crying for, Lark? Talk to me.”

“I just I don't fit in here. I don't fit in anywhere. I’m always going to be the freak, the odd one out. The anomaly everybody wants to know about.”

I feel his head shake back and forth above mine. “Mom needed to hear that. We've been trying to get her to the shelter for a while, to interact with the wolves there. I think too many people from my pack have gotten too comfortable and forgotten the true meaning of the word ‘pack’. For generations, rejected mates have been talked about like they’re a contagious disease, something to fear. We need to change the narrative.”

I spin in his arms, inhaling his herby scent that puts me at ease every time I get a whiff of it. “I don't know where I belong,” I admit. “They got into the shelter before, so I can't go there. I don't fit here; nobody wants a rejected wolf walking around these sacred halls.”

“You have just as much right to be here as I do,” he informs me. “If it makes other people uncomfortable, they can go fuck themselves. Come with me, I want to show you something.”

He tugs me to an office space a few halls over, shutting the door behind us and then pulling me onto his lap as he sits in a chair in front of a computer. He types in passwords and clicks on programs, opening up a file that looks like a quickly illustrated visual of a new construction building.

“What's this?” I ask.

“We told you we've been working with Heroes for a while, that group that works behind the scenes to aid rejected wolves in any way they can. This… is something I’ve been toying around with. The current shelter should have been replaced years ago. I thought building little cabins like this might be a better fit. Wolves that needed them would have their own quarters with access to pack events, and the ability cook and even make a home.”

“There's no way there's a budget for something like this though,” I volley back. “Where would they even go? And how are you going to get every other pack on board?”

“For now, I need to help wolves in our pack. That's where we need to start. I'm hoping once we get this program running, we can work with alphas from other packs to get something similar going on their own lands.”

I hate that, but I get it.

“As far as financing,” he starts, “we’re looking into different options. One of the things we want to spearhead as we start to get more power in the pack, is a mating tribunal. We want to make a council, for when a wolf is rejected.

“It’s blown my mind for years, that anybody can reject their mate, and they automatically have to go live in poverty. It'll take a little bit of time to really implement, but the idea is that when somebody is rejected, part of the in-processing for the shelter will be to take an account of what happened.”

“Good luck with that,” I say snarkily. “Do you have any idea how hard it is to simply function after being rejected? I highly doubt anybody's going to be able to sit down and calmly explain what went down so that blame can be appropriately placed. Assuming that’s the point of the tribunal.”

He nods, confirming my assumption. “That's why the pack that rejects them will have to chip in for their mate to stay in a medical rehab facility until they're well enough to have a discussion,” he explains. “Being rejected is treated as an inconvenience, when really with our species, it should be treated medically. Sedation should be offered for instance, and comfort. We want to build a clinic to service women in those initial weeks, to get them stable.”

“That would actually be really helpful,” I reply in a quiet voice, wondering why that's never been thought of before.

“It's going to take time, Lark,” he says as he turns me on his lap, making me look him in the face. “None of this is going to happen easily or quickly. Would you be interested in helping us, though? You have insight we don't. You know what would be likely to work and what wouldn’t, what things those wolves will be able to handle and what they won’t. You’re the best resource we have for helping the rest of our pack that’s stuck in that goddess forbidden shelter.”

“Uh, yeah; but can I ask why this is such a passion project of yours? It doesn't seem as if you were raised in a way that would expose you to the plight of rejected wolves nor to becoming a champion for them.”

“You're right,” he admits. “My brothers and I have always known we'd take over the pack one day. Therefore, we've always been looking for ways we could make it better for everyone. The rejected wolves are still part of our pack, even though they're treated as if they're not. They're not just rejected by their mates— they're effectively rejected by the entirety of the pack.

“That's always bothered me. When I got involved with the Heroes, I started to hear some of the stories, and it was impossible to let go of. It…affected me. I heard Aspen’s story, witnessed the evil that people like Arabella were capable of, how they were able to take advantage of a system that in no way serves the wolves that really need it. This feels like the thing we need to focus on to make our pack great.”

It’s almost too good to wish for. Just thinking of other, younger wolves going through everything I had to deal with twists up my insides, because there has to be a better way. “Do you really think other packs would change if we did?”

He shrugs. “It's worth a shot. There's a forum every year where all the packs get together. If this program is successful, we're hoping to present it then, and we’re hoping we can show some of the positive outcomes. If we were to empower the wolves that get rejected, imagine all they could accomplish.”

“And you’re sure you want me to help?”

“We’re courting you. Of course we want you involved.”

That’s news. “You are?”

“Fuck. I was supposed to wait to tell you that. Beckett had this whole thing planned.”

Warmth blooms in my chest. “He did?”

Blake nods.

“I can…pretend to be surprised.”

“It's just us two right now, Lark. One of us can totally give up our room if it will make you more comfortable, but we want nothing more than to have you under our roof.”

“That feels sudden.”

He shrugs again. “We're not human. Hard to feel like things are moving too quickly when you have a goddess giving you proof that you belong together. And as a reminder, you know moving in with us doesn't mean you're giving us permission for anything else.”

“What about Rowan? Won’t that confuse him?”

“You're really cute with him, you know that?”

“He’s a cute baby.”

“I know we jumped into the deep end because of the heat, but I'd like to think we'd be in this position either way. Do you see yourself building a family with us? Becoming part of our family?”

“You just love offering me things I shouldn't say yes to.”

His smile is so big it nearly falls off his face. “But you want to?”

“I wouldn't want to offend the goddess or anything,” I reply self-consciously, trying to rein in the hope blooming inside of me.