Page 14 of TAINTED by TWINS

That night, I tucked my mother in bed and went to my room. I sat in front of my dresser drunk, out of my mind, staring at my own reflection—one I didn't recognize. After I removed my make up, I lathered skin with moisturizer and serums. But instead of going to bed...

I absent-mindedly wiped my skin tint all over my cheeks, aiming to cover the scars left by puberty. Tears well up in my eyes as I realized I need to cover more, until my skin is no longer visible.

I covered my mouth, my eyebrows, lathered it on until it became a mess on my face, tears making streaks that remove it. I cried, I sobbed. I don't even know who this face belongs to. I don't even know who wants to love this face if it isn't covered.

I went downstairs to open the pantry, only to find no wine. Empty shelves. My mother drank the entire bottle. I eyed the car keys on the table...

Two women in both my arms, but I was more interested in the red cocktail that reminded me of Lian Miller. I feel horrible... being a part of the reason he's upset, suffering. My twin texted me, and I informed him I'm in Nightingale.

"Drink, baby!" The redhead offered me one, but I ignored the tequila and went straight for the Bloody Mary. They both yell out, "Cheers!"

??I wanted you to know,

that I am ready to go ??

The bass thundered through my chest, syncing with the slow throb of my pulse. Bodies swayed under strobing lights—neon reds and deep violets painting everything in sin.

All I could think about was him. How he lit up the darkness in my eyes—he infected me! Made me bleed, made me care enough to cry blood. Made me feel guilty. And I've tortured gangsters without remorse!

Lian. F*ck, Lian! My hand is holding the rim of the glass, and all I could see was his wrist wrapped around my hand as I pulled him close—

"Babe, come on!" Two women hung off me, laughing, brushing their hands along my arms and chest. One of them leaned close, breath sweet with liquor and smoke, flaring before she exhaled straight against my lips.

I didn't blink. Didn't flinch.

But I didn't see her either.

All I saw was Lian.

??heartbeat, my heart beat??

No, really. I saw him. Is this a hallucination? Was that him between the lights, hunched over the bar counter with three glasses in front of him? I'm not hallucinating.

The bartender is smiling at him, teasing him for asking for another drink. Lian—as dumb as he is, threw the guy his ID and demanded more alcohol. I have to confirm if this is a hallucination or not.

"Why don't you get yourselves dessert, ladies?" I threw them a couple hundred bills before I walked over to the bar.

??I wanted you to know,

whenever you are around,

I can't speak...??

"You have a nice name, Lian Miller. But I legally can't give you anymore drinks."

"Oh come on, I only had three!" He groaned.

"You were already drunk coming in... should I call someone to pick you up? Or I could clock out early to—"

I slammed my hand between them, glaring at the bartender. "Stay on the clock, Derek."

He surrendered his hands. "Whoa, I didn't know he was yours, Jade. You swing that way?"

"I can swing my fist through your ears—you better stay the f*ck away from—" I snarled, but all of a sudden Lian grabbed my face and laughed.

"Jade, why are you here—did you do your homework?! This isn't Friday, y'know—" he slurred with barely open eyes as his face is dangerously closed to mine.

"You're real," I whispered, "Lian, why the f*ck are you here?!"

"No sweetheart? D*mn, I really liked it when you call me sweetheart," he laughed at me with an angelic smile before he slumped over me. "I'm gonna puke..."

"Not the f*ck again, b*tch..." I pulled him off the bar stools and dragged him to the restroom.

"Where are we going?! Why are you angry... don't be angry at me, you're scary—" after we entered the restroom, I faced him angrily.

"You should be scared! I was about to kill a motherf*cker in public, and it's all because of you!" I yelled at him, making him look at me wide eyed. "I'm f*cking angry at you, Lian. What are you even here, just to flirt with men?! Why, huh?! Did Chris cheat on you again?!"

Tears pooled in his eyes, "I... I... we ran out of wine at home, I was... I was just gonna buy wine..."

"THIS ISN'T THE STORE!" I grab him by the shoulders and held him close to my face. Indeed, he smelled more like wine instead of the margaritas he drank at the bar. "You were already drunk..."

"I had to drink! I had to drink to get the truth from my mother!" He cried, hitting me in the chest, so I released him.

He leaned against the wall in distress, looking at me with the same eyes he did at the cliff.

Once again, I felt guilty.

.

.

"I'm no different from my mother. I'm exactly like her... I'm in a relationship, but in love with someone else..."

In love? I tilt my head at him, before grabbing the door pushing him into it, using his body to slam the door shut. "In love? With who? Who do you dare fall in love with if it isn't your scumbag of a boyfriend?"

He gasps out, "Jade—"

"You shouldn't even be with him!" I begged him, face so close I can smell the toxin of the rose. "I'm trying to protect you from the man my mother used to spy on you long ago, until he decided you were f*ckable! The one messing around with Sasha Petrovna because you're no longer the dependent kid you were!"

"Jade, that's not true!" I gently pinned his head against the door with my own, threatening to kiss him if he keeps those lips parted as if inviting me. He looked up at me with pure, terrified eyes.

"I'm trying to protect you and you're making it really hard for me!" Why look at me like that, Lian? Are you seducing me? Don't even look at my lips, you're making it worse.

"Jade, please..." he breathes out, realizing my knee is pressed between his legs. "I'm scared..."

"Tell me..." I whisper while putting my hand on his neck, "I can't have you falling in love with anyone. Jonah needs you, I—he loves you. He won't stop until he gets you, don't make this anymore difficult for me! You're making it very difficult for me to protect you!"

My jobs are usually easy. Blackmail, extortion, informant for both dealers and cops. I take no sides: I get the job done, I leave. Jonah gave me the easiest job of all... chain Lian to his side. I'm holding the chains. I can't lock it.

I could've just kidnapped Lian and tied him to Jonah's bed. I'll never have to see him again, and my brother could have his imprisoned angel. But it's too difficult... leaving Lian in the hands of my brother. I can't... I can't leave him alone.

I begged him, "Please... don't fall in love with someone else..."

"What if..." He says a whisper so soft, it hit my brain harder than that Bloody Mary, "What if... it was you?"

"..." I stared at him, stunned. His eyes look scared. Not of me, but for what's about to happen. I feared he was looking at someone else. But that someone being me?

I'm even more terrified. He likes me.

His eyes tell me he means it, even if he's hyperventilating. "Y-you... told me you'll protect me. You did, you've always done so and I can't help but search for you every time I feel cornered like you'll defend me from the world! Is it too much to ask for someone to love me like that? But you won't even like someone like me, WHO AM I TO BE LOVED LIKE THAT?!"

"Li... I'm," I softly answer, all anger evaporating from my body like it was exorcised by the hyperventilating angel. "I'm here. I've been here. Always... here to..."

No longer am I confused or questioning, for my anger has been explain by the fact that I...

And I leaned into him, waiting for him to confirm his feelings.

He was unsure, I can feel it, but like any scared pup he breathes out and submits to the curious monster holding him.

My hands immediately grabbed his head as if he'll get away anytime soon, my lips claiming him and making sure to bite hard on his bottom lip so his heart will pause long enough to return to its normal beating.

He needed to breathe, so I turned to kissing his jaw while mumbling, "Don't be scared, sweetheart. I want to love you like you wanted. So much—it hurts. It hurts because it's not supposed to happen, it hurts because I want to be yours..."

I grab his hair and pushed it up so he will look up at me, and at the same time show everything to me. "I can't hide it anymore. I want nothing more than to take you..."

His lips parted. I opened it up with my thumb, before leaning in to kiss but stopped when he sobbed, "I want you too, Jade... I'm sorry that I do..."

As he wrapped his arms around me to kiss me, I opened my eyes to look at the mirror on the wall beside me. I could only see a blonde haired man in the reflection, but that doesn't matter. All that matters is the angel's wings curled around my fist.

I carried him up the elevator, scowling at my reflection. When suddenly, he woke up. "... Jade?"

I swallowed my guilt. "Yes, sweetheart?"

He smiled blissfully. "I'm happy you're here..."

F*ck. "I'm happy I'm with you, too."

I threw my head back, God, if this is heaven, I never should've done things that made me deserve hell.

He's so pure. Innocent beyond his body, too trusting. I do deserve hell. I don't deserve this angel.

"I knew I could count on you, Jade!" Jonah was in the living room watching a movie, clapping happily. "Consider yourself forgiven for telling Lian... you did your job well."

I sat on the sofa with Lian still on me; his legs now across my lap as he leaned against my shoulder. But he pulled away, confused why Jonah is here, and he is pushing his hair behind his ears to look at him closer.

"...? I'm not... home?"

"You are home, with us!" Jonah exclaims, "God, he's beautiful. Take that sh*t off his face, and it'll be perfect. No one will ever look at him..."

"I would."

"What did you say?" Jonah squints his eyes at me.

I took a deep breath, "Nothing. Take him, I'd rather not be here to see you assault him. I'm going to bed—"

"No, you should stay. He wants you to stay." Jonah smiled at me as he caress' Lian's head. The boy nuzzled against his hands like it was a place of comfort, probably unaware that it's not me. He's smiling the same way he did when he said he was happy to be here. "Didn't you like him too, Jade?"

"I don't."

"As if I don't know when you'll lie..." he smiles widely at Lian as he pulled the charcuterie board off the table and offers it to him. "Hungry, darling?"

"Wow... a bis-cut tray?" Lian slurs as he picked ham off the charcuterie board. "I've... never had this before..."

"You like to try stuff you haven't tried before?" Jonah asked him like offering candy to a kid. I curled my fist tightly.

Lian nods enthusiastically as Jonah takes ham and cheese off the board and stacks it between biscuits. "Here... try this, darling."

"Wow!" Lian's face lit up at the taste of excellent quality cheese and a sweet and savory ham. "Mmm, this is so good..."

Jonah's smile grew wider and I shift in my own seat hearing that breathy moan. It doesn't help that his legs are on top of my lap.

I'm caressing it absent-minded, wanting to take the angel away from this hell I brought him. I bitterly say, "You can eat as much as you want, just stay quiet during the movie..."

Jonah whispers, "He likes this movie a lot."

Lian snickers with Jonah as the brown haired twin arranges more treat combinations for him. Lian was so impressed with the cured meat and milk cheese, and Jonah fed him the fruits. They were whispering to each other, "You like that?"

"Mmm..."

I used the movie to keep my mind off their flirting, but I was too distracted watching Lian interact with my twin as if Jonah doesn't have ulterior motives. I can't block the giggles and moans from when Lian tastes new cheeses.

Jonah handfed him some ham, with both of us watching his fingers remain inside Lian's mouth for a while, a second long enough for me to burn up in hell.

Thankfully, Lian moved his legs to sit properly so he's no longer on me. Part of me is relieved, part of me wants to snatch him away from that devil. But I can't... I promised Jonah. It's his angel.

"Good?"

"So good," Lian moaned to compliment the treats. I find myself uncomfortably breathing deep, focusing on the movie. I couldn't help but steal glances at Lian who is unaware of Jonah's intent. He mumbles, "Oh wow, Lestat is so handsome..."

"That's Tom Cruise..." Jonah whispers while putting his hand on Lian's thigh, casually smoothing over it, "You think he's handsome?"

"Oh yeah..." Lian whispered, "The long hair and all... kind of looks like you."

Jonah and I shared a look. Lian seems to be distracted from the movie and treats that he didn't mind Jonah's hand on his thigh. Then he moved it to rest across Lian's shoulders.

Jonah decided to give Lian the can of beer he was drinking before we arrived. "Here... wash that down with this. It tastes like lemon soda—"

"Jonah, he's already drunk," I spat at him, holding Liam's waist and subtly pulling him close. I'm burning up, both from desire and possessiveness.

"Jade! I've wanted a drink since the club," Lian laughs, taking the beer. "Don't be so stingy..."

"Let him have fun, Jade..." Jonah nods, impressed. "He's been a good boy."

That little compliment made Lian's ears go red as he takes the drink offered to him.

This is too much, Jonah...

We need to loosen him up, Jade.

We can't read each other's minds, but microfacial expressions like my furrowed eyebrows while staring at the beer, replied by Jonah slightly shrugging off the issue makes it easy for both of is to silently communicate.

Being with each other from birth gives us a strong enough bond that does not need words.

It was halfway through the movie, and the two of them are getting noisy. Lian had a red face and was laughing while arguing with Jonah, "He loves him! Lestat loves him!"

"It's not a gay romance, Lian..."

Lian sat on his knees and grabbed a laughing Jonah by his shoulders, "Look at him! Look at him, Jonah! Those eyes want Brad Pitt, I know I would! LOOK AT IT Jonah! He's beautiful, I'd want him!"

"Don't worry darling, I'll only want you..."

I couldn't look, but the one time I do, my heart suffers silently. I held his neck to calm him down, "Are you drunk, Li? You're super loud."

"No?!" Lian fell back on me laughing, and I watched Jonah move one of his legs so he'll be between them. My twin is smitten, itching to have Lian for himself as was promised. But Lian started to feel nervous while his back laid on me. "Sh-should I go home... I think I'll go home... I don't want to bother..."

I made a deal with Jonah.

"Don't," I said, wrapping one arm around his chest from behind and kissing his forehead. He's leaning on the person he's hoping will protect him. "You can bother us all you want... have fun all you want. I'm glad you're here, Lian."

I can't protect you from Jonah.

Lestat and Louis were seducing a woman in the TV, while Jonah stares at Lian who is leaning against me. Lian asks me, "Which vampire do you want, Jade? Hehe..."

"I'm not gay..." he slightly sat up to face me.

"That's not what I saw in the restroom, you kissed me like that..." he giggles, making Jonah tilt his head in interest.

F*ck, Lian. You just had to say that! I caressed his hair gently, afraid to pluck out the white feathers. "Did you hate it?"

"I... like what we did," Lian says shyly, his eyes undeniably looking down on my lips. Lian was turning red. "Y-yeah..."

"Didn't you like my brother, too?" I gently hold his face and makes it turn towards my twin, who can't help but hungrily stare him down.

"J-Jonah is... nice, but..."

"But?" Only look at me, Lian.

Lian looks at Jonah, his eyes softening with admiration. He relaxed in my hold, "I don't know. You... have the same eyes..."

His eyes are full of innocence, like a homeless cat looking at Jonah with giant black pupils. The blonde couldn't take it and leans toward Lian's neck to take in his scent, kneeling between his legs. "Lian... oh god, you drive me nuts..."

My hands tighten against his jaw, making him gasp.

"Wh-why...?" Lian asks, gasping at Jonah's lips on his neck and the nose taking in his scent. His hands are against Jonah, but too weak to push away. "Jonah..."

His sound, that sweet breath, is doing something to me. Maybe I've always shared the same feeling with him; maybe it's Jonah's fault I'm like this. But Lian's voice alone is making me want to climb to heaven.

Jonah lifts his right arm to kiss his wrist, "You can't have just one, Lian... you'd have to take care of the two of us."

"T-two?" Lian was confused, but also feeling hot from Jonah on top of him and me behind him. "But I-"

"Yes, baby... you have to take care of the two of us..." Jonah whispers. With the dim light of the TV, we really do look the same. It's like looking at a reflection; same dark desires behind our eyes. "You can have me, and you can have Jade."

"You can have both."