Page 48 of Surrendering His Heart (Buena Hills #4)

Under any other circumstances, Christian would’ve liked Paul.

The man seemed to carry himself with integrity and humility.

Every member of his family adored him, and he matched well with Mom’s fun-loving energy.

Plus, he’d treated her with nothing but respectful reverence all afternoon.

In every aspect, the guy appeared to be a saint.

It wasn’t that Christian didn’t like him; he just didn’t like the idea of him dating his mother. Not at the expense of forgetting Dad.

After helping Penelope wash her hands, he’d sent her back outside to play, needing a reprieve from the social crush outside.

Alone in Mom’s kitchen, he’d occupied himself by emptying and loading the dishwasher.

Next, he’d moved onto scrubbing the entire sink, then wiping off the counters on either side of it. Maybe he’d do the windows next.

Man, he really must be stressed if he’d resorted to cleaning to relieve his mind of his troubles. Or maybe Hallie was rubbing off on him.

The sound of the sliding glass door opening caught his attention as Mom stepped inside.

“I’ll tell you what.” She held up the half-eaten cream puff in her hand. “Your Hallie is a keeper, especially if she continues bringing scrumptious treats like these around.” She popped the rest of it into her mouth.

Christian pulled another disinfectant wipe from the container, sparing only the briefest glance in her direction. “Yeah, she’s great.” He attacked the stove with the wipe.

Mom came up beside him, stopping his cleaning with a hand on his arm. “What’s wrong? I’ve never known you to willingly volunteer to clean my kitchen.”

“I’m fine.”

His muttered comment earned him one of her signature Mom looks. “Honey, I’ve had the privilege of watching you grow up for twenty-seven years. I know when you’re lying to me. Is it Paul?”

“Paul’s great.”

“Then what is it?”

Christian sighed, turning to face her. “I don’t know, Mom. Everything’s just happening so fast. You spend two weeks with the guy and now we’re meeting his family? Are you going to call me tomorrow to say you’re getting married?” He went back to furiously attacking the burners with the wipe.

Mom stayed silent for a moment before a lengthy exhale preceded her next comment. “I see. You’re thinking about Dad.”

How does she do that? Her ability to read his mind had always freaked him out. He’d never been able to keep anything from her. If she were a superhero, reading minds would be her power.

“It kind of seems like you’re trying to replace him,” Christian admitted softly.

“Honey, look at me.”

Slowly, he turned toward her, and she gently cupped his upper arms with her hands. “Your father was my first real love. I could never replace him. I’m sorry that’s what you think.”

Christian swallowed hard, doing a poor job of keeping his sadness at bay. “Do you still miss him?”

Mom touched his cheek. “Every single day. Most nights, I fall asleep thinking about him. When we’re all together, I wish he were here too. And I miss him whenever you and Dani do things to remind me of him.”

“I remind you of him?”

“So much.” Mom smiled. “Especially now that you have your own kids. You’d give anything for your sweet family.

Just like your father. Paul’s the same way.

I think that’s what drew me to him so quickly.

Neither of us are trying to replace our spouses.

But there’s a comfort in sharing that grief with someone who understands what it feels like to lose your first love.

I am falling for Paul. But it’s a different kind of love than it was with Dad.

And that will never go away, no matter where things lead with Paul. ”

Her words hit him like a Mack truck, taking his breath away. For years, he’d doubted that lasting love existed. That emotion, as forceful as it might be at the start, always fizzled out eventually.

But here was his mother, proclaiming her continued love for her late husband, even after fifteen years without him.

That realization sent his mind cycling through more examples of lasting love.

Tyler had shown his devotion to his wife on many occasions, both in word and action.

Even Brad, a guy who Christian would never have expected to settle down with anyone, proved that with the right person, true love could change someone for the better.

Maybe his problem wasn’t that it didn’t exist. Maybe it was that he trusted the wrong person, including himself. And that one mistake made it impossible to fall in love with the right woman.

Until now.

Feeling lighter, he took his mother in his arms. “I’m sorry I’ve been such a grump.”

“It’s okay.” She patted his chest. “I handled your mood swings during puberty. I can take a little grumpiness now and then.”

“Mo-om,” he groaned, smiling at the laugh bubbling from her. “I’ll try harder to keep an open mind about all this.”

“Thank you, son. I hope you can think of Paul as a friend. That’s all I’m asking. I’ll never expect you to call him Dad.”

“Good, because I’m not going to.” He stared out the window at all the people roaming the yard. He spotted the girls playing soccer with Paul’s sons and a few grandkids. Hallie sat in casual conversation with Jenna.

Mom followed his gaze out the window. “Maybe one of these days, we can double date with you and Hallie.”

Christian tossed a side eye down at her. “There’s no way to spin that so it’s not weird.”

She smacked his chest with the back of her hand, making a noise that was half laugh, half gasp. “Don’t get smart with me, young man. I changed your diapers.”

“You always hold that over me like I had a choice.”

“That reminds me, I need to go find the photo albums. I’m sure Hallie would love to see all those gems of you growing up. Perhaps the one when you got into my mascara and smeared it all over your?—”

“Mom!” His indignation didn’t prevent the laugh bursting from his gut.

His mother grinned back at him. “It’s nice seeing you happy again, son. I’ve missed your levity.”

The lightness brewing in his chest dwindled. “Sometimes it feels like I’m not worthy to be happy after what happened with Sabrina.”

“Oh, Christian.” Mom pulled him into a motherly embrace.

“You’re the only one punishing yourself for that.

You did nothing wrong. It may not have turned out the way you hoped, but you’ve done the best you possibly could in a difficult situation.

I’m so proud of the way you’ve handled yourself through all this. ”

He clung to her, and for a moment, it was as though he were a young boy again, grasping for the safety that only she could provide.

She stepped back enough to look up at him. “There’s a pretty fantastic woman outside who seems to think very highly of you regardless of your past. Maybe you should start seeing yourself as she does.”

Right on cue, the sliding door opened, and that same fantastic woman burst into the kitchen, bringing all the sunshine with her. She stopped short when she spotted them.

“Sorry.” She backed up toward the yard. “I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

Mom shook her head. “You didn’t. I was just heading back outside. I want to snag another of your delicious cream puffs before they’re gone.”

Hallie laughed. “You better hurry, I think I saw a couple left.”

“My name is written all over them.” She winked as she left the kitchen .

“What’s up?” he asked as soon as they were alone.

Hallie could have lit up a dark runway with the brightness of her countenance. “I got a gig. A big one.”

“What? How?”

She bit her bottom lip, resembling an excited Penelope by the way she bounced a little on the balls of her feet. “I’ve been talking to Jenna about her dad—he’s really fascinating. Did you know he owns his own business?”

“No.” There was still so much he didn’t know about the man. He intended to change that.

She continued talking animatedly. “He built it from nothing. He’s actually quite wealthy. Anyway, Jenna asked me to cater their foundation Christmas party next month. Can you believe that?”

“Hal, that’s incredible!” Christian tugged on her hand, drawing her closer.

She stepped into his embrace but didn’t stay there long, beaming as she continued talking.

“That’s not all. Apparently, Paul’s late wife was the one who encouraged him to branch out on his own.

When she died, he set up a foundation in her honor that offers grants to small businesses looking to scale up.

Jenna wants me to apply for it. I’m not sure I’m going to, though. ”

He gaped at her. “What’re you talking about? This is the break you’ve been wanting. Why wouldn’t you take it?”

Her shoulders lifted as she began pacing around the kitchen. “I was really excited at first. But then I realized something. If my bakery gets off the ground, I won’t be able to keep watching the girls. I’d let them down. And I’d put you in a difficult situation with the whole nanny thing.”

Christian’s heart dropped. She didn’t want to disappoint him?

No. He refused to keep her from fulfilling her dreams. “We always knew our arrangement would be temporary.”

“I don’t want my relationship with the girls to change.” She rubbed the back of her hand against her nose as if holding in her emotion. “What if they forget about me?”

Approaching her, Christian stopped her pacing by cupping his hands around her cheeks.

“You have no idea how grateful I am to have you in my life. Besides my mom and Dani, no one has ever loved my girls as purely as you have. You might think you’re not ready to step in as their mom, but being willing to sacrifice your business for them? Honey, you’re already acting like one.”

Tears pooled in her eyes. “I don’t want to abandon them. But I don’t know how to do both.”

“You won’t be doing either one alone.” He brushed his thumb along her cheekbone. “When’s the event?”

“Six weeks from now.”

His brain began forming a plan. “I have some vacation time I can use that week to stay with the girls while you bake for the party. And I’ll help you put together your proposal for the grant. Whatever comes after that, we’ll figure it out together.”

Her mouth lifted a little. “I like the sound of that.”

He pressed a lingering kiss to her forehead, then tugged her to him, wrapping his arms around her. “Me too.”

Together.

He hadn’t been referring to her potential business opportunities. No, he was thinking in terms of a more permanent togetherness.

Like forever.