Page 42 of Surrendering His Heart (Buena Hills #4)

The bell above the door to Scoops and Shakes jingled when Christian opened it, allowing Hallie to lead the way from the shop.

“I swear you let me win,” she said, stirring the strawberry cheesecake ice cream in her cup as they walked in the direction of Village Green Park.

Attempting to keep his expression innocent, he dug out a spoonful of double chocolate brownie. “I did not. I’m just really bad at foosball.”

He totally let her win. And he didn’t feel bad about it one bit.

On the way back to Buena Hills, they’d driven past the arcade on the outskirts of town. Instead of heading straight toward Scoops and Shakes, he’d challenged her to a friendly game of foosball, so they’d joined the weekend throngs of tweens inside the joint.

Christian hadn’t been to the place since he was the age of most of the kids buzzing around the coin operated machines.

Yet he didn’t think he’d ever had as much fun.

Talking with Brad had forced him to finally accept his feelings for Hallie, and he silently vowed to give the idea of dating again a fair shot.

Only for her. For them. And maybe for the girls too.

Once he’d made a conscious effort to let down his walls, even flirting with her had been surprisingly easy. And exhilarating.

But along with it came a sense of urgency to figure out where to go from here. He just needed the right moment to start the conversation.

“I don’t believe you for a second.” She shot him a laughing smile, discernible by the iron lanterns they passed. “I’m the world’s worst foosball player and you made me look like Lionel Messi. ”

He quirked an eyebrow, his spoon hovering above his cup. “Look at you, coming in hot with the soccer references.”

Her muffled laugh came around a spoonful of her ice cream. “When you grow up in a family full of sports obsessed men, even the most clueless person tends to pick up a few big names.”

“Fair enough.”

They fell into companionable silence as they continued their walk down Main Street, looking in shop windows, most of them closed for the night.

“You seem different tonight,” Hallie said after a minute.

Christian eyed her sidelong. “How so?”

She stopped walking and faced him. “I don’t know. Less burdened. Happier, I guess.”

“Tonight has been an unexpected reprieve in a lot of ways.” He tossed his cup into the metal garbage can at the curb. “I love my girls—I’d never trade being their dad. But between taking care of them and my job, I rarely have time for myself.”

She threw her own cup away, then looped both her arms through one of his. “I’m glad you’ve had time to reset.”

“Me too.” He smiled down at her.

They continued walking until they got to the empty store at the end of the street. He watched her studying the For Sale sign in the window. She’d once told him she liked to come down here and dream about her bakery. Was she thinking about that now?

“Have you applied for any more bakery positions?” he asked.

She sighed. “A couple, but I don’t think they’ll amount to much. Don’t worry, you’re not in any danger of losing your nanny quite yet.”

Did she really think that was the reason behind his question? “That’s not why I asked. What makes you think they won’t work?”

He felt her shoulder shrug against his arm. Her discouragement cut through him as if it were his own.

“They all want someone with years of experience. How does one even break into this business? Even my culinary classes, a lifetime of practice and polishing, and owning a business doesn’t seem to fit the requirements these places are asking for.

At this point, I’ve even considered putting my business aside and going back to waiting tables.

I know I can get a job doing that. But the idea of letting go of my bakery hurts my heart.

I’ve wanted this ever since I was a kid in Santiago, helping Senor Rosales. ”

“Who?”

“He was the sweet man at the panadería in our neighborhood. He never had his own children, but all the expat kids flocked to his place after school. He and his wife loved them all like their own.” Fondness entered Hallie’s eyes as she talked.

“I’ve wanted my own bakery ever since. I just didn’t realize it would be this hard. ”

She rubbed her nose with the back of her hand. For once, Christian followed his instinct to reach for her, and she willingly stepped into his embrace. “This is important to you. It’s okay to be frustrated that it isn’t happening fast enough. Don’t give up. I know you’ll figure it out.”

She looked up at him, a misty smile gracing her lovely face. “Sorry, I don’t know what’s up with me lately. I’m not usually this emotional.”

“Don’t apologize.” He dropped his arms, finding her hands instead. “Your feelings are valid.”

“Spoken like a true dad.” She yawned, covering her mouth with a hand. “Sorry, I got up early to start Isla’s cake.”

Keeping one of her hands in his, he turned them in the direction of the car. “Let’s get you home then.”

When they arrived back at her house, Christian walked her to the door, facing her when they’d reached the porch. Nerves bubbled in his stomach. If they were going to have a conversation about where they stood, now was the time to have it.

“Earlier you said you were confused.” He shoved his hands into the pockets of his fleece jacket. “Can we talk about that?”

Something akin to panic flashed in her eyes. It was subtle, and gone in an instant, but definitely there.

She lowered her gaze to his chest. “Right. We probably should.” Taking a deep breath, she steeled her shoulders. “The truth is, I like you Christian. A lot. But … I’m scared. ”

“About what?”

She wrapped her arms around her middle, her focus shifting to the front door. “Don’t take this the wrong way. I adore your girls. But the idea of stepping in as their mom is really overwhelming. Dating you would be like saying I’m willing to do that. I just don’t know if I’m ready to be all in.”

Her admission sent a trickle of dread sliding into his stomach. He understood why she’d feel that way. Heck, he had his own related fears. But it still hurt. “It’s a big responsibility.”

“But I also feel like maybe I’m jumping to conclusions.” She plopped down on the top step, looking up at him expectantly until he joined her. “I don’t even know where your head’s at. My feelings could be completely one-sided.”

Christian set his hand on top of hers where they were balled in her lap. “Trust me, they’re not one-sided.”

“But you said you don’t believe in love.”

He wracked his brain. Had he mentioned that when he’d told her about Sabrina? He couldn’t remember everything that had come out. “I didn’t think I knew what love was anymore. But I’m starting to figure it out.”

She sucked in a breath.

“I’ve tried to fight my feelings because you’re not the only one who’s scared.

” He stared at the pavement in front of him, barely illuminated by the glow of the porch light.

“Sabrina messed me up, and I’m terrified to put myself in a position of potentially getting hurt again.

And I don’t want the girls to suffer anymore.

But despite all the reasons I’ve told myself not to, I am falling in love with you.

And being with you, I feel … calm, like everything will be okay. ”

Silence stretched between them, and Christian wondered what was going through her mind. Had he said too much?

Finally, she turned one of her hands palm up, weaving their fingers together. “The last thing I want to do is hurt any of you. That’s why I feel so conflicted. Selfish even.”

He pushed out a dry laugh. “You’re the least selfish person I’ve ever met. ”

Her mouth lifted. “I’m serious. I want to do the right thing, and I’m not saying I’ll never get to a point where I’m ready to be their mom. But I feel like if I don’t end this now, it’ll be a hundred times worse for everyone down the road if I realize I can’t get there.”

An ache lodged in Christian’s chest, the familiar beginnings of his heart shredding apart.

Hallie tugged on his arm until he looked at her. Tears hung in her long lashes. “But the idea of walking away from you hurts me more than anything.”

Yeah, he understood that completely. “Where does that leave us?”

She blinked at the moisture, and a tear trickled down her cheek. “I don’t know.”

Neither did he. So he did the only thing he could think of. Sliding an arm around her shoulders, he pulled her toward him until she relaxed her head on his shoulder. They sat that way for several silent moments, processing the conversation.

Hallie’s fears made complete sense, despite amplifying his own. He wanted to be with her, but she was right. If she couldn’t get to a point of being ready to be Isla and Penelope’s mom, pursuing a relationship now wouldn’t be wise.

But the girls already adored Hallie. She’d become entwined in their lives so naturally that even backing out tonight wouldn’t save them from collateral damage.

How was he supposed to proceed with that?

“I guess the only thing we can do is be honest with each other,” he said, answering his silent question. “Our feelings are out in the open, so we’re already in too deep to prevent any of us from getting hurt.”

She nodded against his shoulder. “That’s true. Cassie told me tonight that it’s okay to be cautiously hopeful.”

“I like that.” He lifted her chin so she could meet his eyes. “I’m willing to try if you are.”

She studied him, and he couldn’t begin to read the expression on her face. “You want to give us a shot?”

“Yeah,” he whispered .

For a moment, he worried she might refuse. Then her whole body relaxed with an exhale. “Me too. But we have to be honest with each other about how we’re feeling. The minute something changes.”

“Agreed. No more guessing.”

“Okay.” She furrowed her brows in concern. “What should we tell the girls.”

What should they tell them? If this thing with Hallie didn’t last, they’d be crushed even more than if she just left as their nanny.

“Maybe we shouldn’t say anything. At least not yet. I think it’s best if we just feel this out for now.” He eyed her apologetically. “Which means we should probably keep the PDA to a minimum.”

She bobbed her head in agreement. “That’s wise. No PDA in front of the children. Which means you have to stop dancing in front of me.”

Christian choked on a laugh. “Why?”

She shrugged. “I guess I can’t resist a man who can dance. Especially if he’s in a certain sequined body suit like the one you wore in one of the videos I watched on YouTube.” Her whole face scrunched toward her nose, a clear sign she hadn’t meant to add that last part.

“I knew it!” His mouth stretched into a wide grin. She’d known way too much about his college ballroom career to not have snooped around. “Wait, one of them? How many did you watch.”

Hallie covered her face with her hands, shaking her head violently. Her cheeks were flaming red when she peered up at him. “All of them,” she squeaked, squinting one eye.

He barked out a laugh, and she smacked his arm with the back of her hand.

“I’m not a stalker, I promise,” she said, the smile evident in her tone. “You just didn’t give me very much information to go on that night. Can you blame a girl for being curious? Please don’t be creeped out.”

Sliding his arm around her shoulders, he pulled her to his side. “I’m not creeped out. In fact, I’m flattered. I’ll just have to save the dancing for after the kids are in bed.” He winked, reveling at her answering grin .

“I can’t wait.” She stood, pulling him up with her.

The hug that followed was filled with more contentment than he’d felt in a long time. She kissed his cheek before stepping back.

“I should go.” She watched him fondly as she placed a hand on the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow when I drop off your cakes.”

He nodded. “Sounds good.”

“And thanks for the ice cream.” A spark of mischief entered her eyes. “Even though I know you let me win.”

His mouth quirked upward. “You’ll never prove that.”

“I’ll get you to crack.” By the flirty way she wiggled her brows, he couldn’t wait to see her try. “Goodnight, Christian.”

Stepping to her again, he bent to steal one last kiss on her lips. A goodnight kiss was customary for a dating couple, after all.

Dating. The idea sent goosebumps skittering across his skin.

They were dating.

“Tomorrow then,” he murmured, retreating backward toward the steps without breaking her gaze.

Tomorrow couldn’t come soon enough.