Page 49 of Sunny Side Up

SUNNY SIDE UP

WE DID IT, SUN-GLASSES, MY BEST INTERNET FRIENDS. (Still workshopping that. Don’t worry, one day I’ll find us a band name that doesn’t make us want to barf.)

SONNY is officially live. The online store is linked here for you. And here is a link to everywhere you can currently find us in person.

In Wedding Date News: The Final Edition* The countdown is over.

I’m about to leave for my brother’s wedding.

And I’m doing what I probably should have just done the whole time: flying solo.

I know I had a whole plan to bring a date to show the world (or at least, half of the Midwest, if my parents’ guest list looks anything like it did when I got married) that I was THRIVING postdivorce.

You’re sick of reading about it, I’m sure, but the date wasn’t about the MAN, man.

It was a ~metaphor~ for my new chapter in life.

I also know that you, my friends, my parents, my brother, my soon-to-be sister-in-law (HI ELLIE) all told me that, date or no date, I didn’t need to prove anything. But, IDK, you know when you just get something in your head?!

I’m going to brag for a minute, though, just in case you’re feeling stuck, like I was, determined to break the inertia and do something, anything, to get out of the quicksand in your head:

I’m proud of myself for putting myself out there.

I relaunched this newsletter and found community.

I went on a “divorcation” with my best friends, which I keep swearing I will stop saying publicly, and yet, here we are, here I am.

It was on that VACATION that I was inspired to create the swimsuit company of my wildest dreams. And I went on date after date after date, to find someone to bring to my brother’s wedding.

If you’ve been following the whole Wedding Date Deadline saga from the beginning, then you may also recall that it wasn’t so much about the date itself at first—it was about using that as the catalyst to put myself “back out there” after the divorce, to reclaim autonomy over my love life.

To have some FUN. (Even though, if you have been on dating apps for over three months, you know all too well that the novelty wears off and it stops being fun.)

I met some awful men.

I met some mediocre men.

I met some really, truly great men.

And I reawakened myself in the process.

I got my confidence back, my sense of self-worth.

And then, by accident, really…

I fell in love.

Then I fucked it up.

And while I wish that weren’t the outcome, there is a silver lining in this story, too.

I lost the most incredible man I’ve ever met, but I didn’t lose the memory of the way he made me feel.

The way he helped me open back up to the world, the way he showed me a future that I hadn’t been able to visualize for myself in years.

A future I had been so sure I wasn’t worthy of anymore.

He was there as I navigated my way back to me, the real me.

For that, I’ll always be grateful. And while I wish I could be both grateful and on the receiving end of his warm, homecoming smile, I’ll take the lesson as the best consolation prize of them all.

I’m traveling to Chicago solo, but I’m never really alone.

I have me (and all of you!), and I know now that I am enough.

I will be okay. I am okay.

The world keeps spinning. Life keeps marching.

We just have to get ourselves outside.

See you after the wedding. Can’t wait to tell you all about it.

*P.S. Literally never writing about my love life again after this—Turns out that doesn’t go over well with the people you’re writing about, no matter how charming their nicknames are?! But I’d be happy to keep answering your burning personal questions.

P.P.S. If it’s burning, you should def get on antibiotics ASAP.