Page 11 of Sunny Side Up

SUNNY SIDE UP

HELLO, MY LONG-LOST FRIENDS. Is anyone out there? Am I talking to your spam folder? Is everyone’s email going to bounce back? Maybe! Did you sign up on a whim a billion years ago and then forget about it immediately after? Feel free to unsubscribe here. I know it’s been awhile.

Here’s the TLDR on what’s happened since we last spoke: I met a guy.

OG readers may remember the drunken make-out session outside of Prince Street Pizza that I wrote about, where I’d burned my mouth so badly on molten cheese that making out with him actually kind of hurt?

What a foreshadowing! Because years later, I married that guy, then the marriage went to shit, we got divorced after three months, and here I am.

Someone in my life recently reminded me of how much fun we used to have on here, getting weird down in the comment section.

We laughed, we cried, we shared a bunch of personal information with strangers on the internet without giving it a second thought!

That same person also said that this newsletter helped her get through a tough time.

It helped me through tough times, too. And now that I find myself in uncharted territory, clinging to my sanity like Jack Dawson on a floating door, I was thinking that maybe this newsletter could pull me back up—you’ve done enough, Rose! !—and hopefully, lift you up, too.

Guys, I don’t know. I’m honestly pretty high right now.

I am sober enough to say this: If you ever feel like you don’t quite “fit”—in this world, in general; in your current life or pieces of it; maybe in your job, or your clothes, your physical appearance, your relationships, your family—I assure you: You fit here.

(I’m all ears, by the way, if you have things you want to read about, talk about, whatever about on this newsletter, that aren’t “fitting” in your life.

The stuff you’re having a hard time with.

If you’d like a high divorcée on the internet to weigh in on it, you can always just reply to this email.)

The two things I’m struggling with most at the moment are:

1. My body—or more precisely, my body image. It’s worse than it’s been in a while, but I don’t think I’ve ever been this determined to fix that. It takes up too much brain space!!!

2. My love life. As of 8 a.m. this morning, my sex life has never, ever, ever been better. (Not to clickbait you: Maybe that will be the focus of newsletter #2.)

HOWEVER! In less than six months, my brother is getting married, and for a multitude of reasons that I will sort through with my therapist, I feel determined to attend that wedding with a date.

So, I’m telling you all to hold me accountable.

And asking you to hold my hand during the dating process along the way?

Honestly, my biggest motivation isn’t some random guy in a tux.

I’m happy to dance to “Cupid Shuffle” on my own, thank you very much.

I’m not trying to find The One. I want to be my The One, if that makes sense.

I want to continue healing from the parts of my marriage that made me feel my lowest. And really, the marriage was the problem—or, more specifically, the person I was married to.

Not the divorce. The divorce was a good thing, even if I’m still coming to terms with what it means to no longer be the other half of someone.

This Wedding Date Deadline is about putting myself out there, stepping outside of my comfort zone, REGARDLESS of my body size, weight, shape, hair day.

I’m sick of waiting until I lose a billion pounds to go after what I want.

This Wedding Date Deadline is about starting RIGHT NOW, and about being the one in control.

I don’t want to be passive in my romantic life, waiting for the guy to approach me first, then waiting for him to convince me that, no really, he does like me.

I’m sick of acting like someone else’s version of “marriage material,” I’m sick of needing to be convinced by someone else that I’m worthy of love and affection, of good sex and respect, of feeling beautiful.

I’m ready to go after what I want. I did it in my career. Now it’s time to do it everywhere else.

Consider this the start of the countdown.

Love,

Sunny

P.S. Getting back on dating apps as a divorced woman in her mid-thirties who has recently gained forty pounds but has not yet come to terms with that new weight is terrifying.

So! I’ve written down my survival guide so far, along with some outfits I plan on wearing.

I hope it helps. And please, for the love of god, feel free to share any dating and flirting tips (online, and in real life) down in the comments.

There’s a lot of unsolicited dicks out there…

SUNNY SIDE UP DATING TIPS:

MY DATING APP SURVIVAL GUIDE, SO FAR

#1. Don’t torture yourself by scrolling through your phone archives for photos of yourself from when you think you looked prettier, skinnier, younger, cooler, whatever. All that’s in your head. You’re great right now.

Honestly, the best thing I did was bug my friends to start taking group pictures again. Look for the most Gen Z person on the street that you can find and ask them if they’d be so kind as to play photographer for a moment. Feel free to instruct them to get a few candids. They are legitimate pros.

#2. You know how they say not to pack anything for a vacation that you’ve owned forever but never worn?

Same goes for first dates. Not the time to try out a risky top, then spend the whole date worrying about it riding up or down or itching or whatever.

Wear your favorite outfit. Your date is not going to remember that you’re wearing it in three out of five pictures.

And if they do, take it as a compliment.

#3. This one is just my personal rule, so go at your own pace.

But for me, personally: I don’t need a pen pal.

I’m on dating apps to date. Once the requisite background checks are out of the way to confirm neither is likely to kill on the first date, if the conversation hasn’t moved to a date within twenty-four hours, I’m out.

He can go write letters to his camp BFF.

#4. Sorry to be a mom here but your safety is most important!!!! Never tell anyone anything, say anything, or feel obliged to DO anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. When your gut throws out a red flag, it’s not a suggestion. It’s a command: Block the fool. Bye.

#5. Set a timer. No joke. All that swiping can suck you into a deep, dark, black hole.

#6. Speaking of which: Swipe front to back to avoid irritation.