Page 24 of Sunflower Persona (Classic City Romance #2)

Karis snorts and pulls her head out from under the hood. “Why are you boys so fucking bad at this. I swear y’all have more drama than any woman I’ve ever known.”

“Hey, I have no drama,” Nathan says.

“Oh yeah? So you aren’t still pining after a woman you dated for a few months a year ago?

” When he doesn’t respond, she crosses her arms and continues, “That’s what I thought.

Morgan finally has his shit together, but last year was a whole clusterfuck.

And now Gage is torturing himself over a woman who is absolutely into him and has no baggage holding her back. ”

“Her liking me isn’t the issue,” I growl.

“Then what is?” Nathan asks.

“I’m not good enough for her,” I practically shout.

“Goddamnit, are we seriously doing this again,” Nathan snaps. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe you aren’t good enough for her if this is how you are going to treat her.”

“I don’t know what to do,” I admit as my frustration starts to fade. “I’ve tried being her friend, but I don’t think I can do that anymore. There is too much tension between us. It will only lead to a cycle of hurt every time I push her away.”

“Then stop pushing her away,” Morgan says.

“And then what?”

“You see where this thing goes.”

“I don’t know how to do that.”

“What? Let yourself be happy?” Nathan’s voice drips with bitter sarcasm.

“Be with a woman for more than a night. I’ve never done the whole relationship thing. I have no idea how to treat her right,” I admit.

I didn’t have time for a relationship when I spent most of my younger years training to make a name for myself, and I never had the desire after my dreams came crashing down.

“Well, not being a self-sabotaging asshole would be a good place to start,” he snaps.

“It’s easy,” Morgan says, ignoring the tension between me and our friend. “Loving James is the easiest thing I’ve ever done.”

“Nothing about that woman is easy,” Nathan scoffs, though the bitter edge to his voice softens.

Morgan punches his shoulder, but there’s no malice behind it, and just like that, all the aggravated energy dissipates.

“Let’s say I did want to see where things went. Where would I even start?”

“Women like to be spoiled, and they like to show off to their friends. You should—” Nathan starts to say, but Karis is quick to interrupt him.

“Ignore all of that.”

“What? You can’t tell me you don’t want to be spoiled from time to time,” he asks.

“As a one-off, sure. But every woman I’ve been with has cared way more about spending time together than monetary things.”

“Karis is right,” Morgan says. “What women really want is to form deep, emotional connections. You need to be vulnerable with her and show her the parts of you no one else sees. Opening up to James is what drew us together.”

“That’s stupid.” Nathan waves him off. “What you need to do is shower her in gifts and take her on dates she can brag about.”

“Fuck, you date shallow women,” Karis says.

“And what do you recommend, then?”

“That you should be yourself, spend time with them doing things you both enjoy, and let things play out naturally.”

Both Morgan and Nathan scoff.

“Fine. Ignore me, then. What does the gay woman know about women anyway.” She shakes her head and turns her attention back to my car.

“The first thing you have to do is apologize for being an ass today,” Nathan says.

“That’s assuming I decide to pursue her.”

“No, you should apologize regardless.”

“It’s probably better if she hates me.”

He throws his hands up with a huff and grabs another beer from the case. “Man, I love you, but you are a lost fucking cause. But you need to get over yourself, or you’re going to keep hurting her.”

“What do you propose I do, then?”

“Make up your goddamn mind, for one. Figure out what you want and stick to it.”

“I want to live in a world where I can be worthy of a woman like her.”

“You live in this world. So either find your worth, or you let her go.”

He’s right. I need to let her go.

I finish off my drink and grab another as dread pools in my gut.

The feeling doesn’t dissipate as the topic drifts away from relationships or my other problems, or as dusk replaces the daylight.

Even once Karis gets the engine to turn over, that black hole remains.

Morgan dips out as soon as his girl texts him to summon him home, and Nathan leaves not long after.

When it’s only the two of us left, Karis cleans up her tools and lets herself back inside my apartment.

She won’t leave me alone again after my spiral; she knows how easily the gloom can creep back in once it’s gotten a foothold.

I give her a few minutes to make herself at home and clean the grease and oil from her hands before I follow her inside.

She’s parked on my couch when I do, flipping through the channels on my TV like she owns the place.

“You’re never going to let yourself be happy, are you?” She doesn’t even look in my direction.

“I don’t think I know how.”

She sighs and pats the cushion beside her, and I don’t have it in me to do anything but follow her unspoken command.

“You are going to regret this,” she says as I drop beside her.

“I think I already do.”

She gives me a sad, knowing nod and switches the topic. “I ordered takeout. Watch the door while I shower.”

I nod, but my mind is barely in the room. It’s too busy mourning the beautiful fucking sunflower that will never be mine.