Page 23 of Sunflower Persona (Classic City Romance #2)

Gage

S calding water rains down around me, hot enough that my skin aches from the burn.

It’s only another layer to the pains that plague my body.

After Kori fled from the gym, I punished myself on the treadmill, pushing myself until I couldn’t physically keep going.

I don’t deserve a comfortable shower. This is my penance for fucking everything up—for hurting her.

Flashes of this afternoon play on repeat in my head.

I try to focus on the broken look that invaded her bright features so I can remind myself exactly what I did wrong, but other memories keep slipping in as well: the taste of her lips, her curves under my fingers, the way she felt grinding against my cock, the sultry whisper of “yes, Coach” as she follows my commands without question.

What kind of goddamned monster am I that I’m thinking of her like that when I shouldn’t have the right to think about her at all.

But God, she looked edible, covered in sunshine that hugged her every curve.

No one looks anywhere near as good in that bright hue as Kori does.

Just the thought of her spandex-covered ass has my dick twitching to life again.

If I were any worse of a man, I would have let her go further today. I would have ripped that yellow from her skin and found out if she actually tastes as sweet as I’ve imagined.

With a groan, I drop my head to the plastic shower wall and grip my cock in my hand. I’m going to burn in hell for this, but I’m unable to stop the fantasy from playing out in my head while I work myself to an orgasm.

The pleasure builds inside me as I imagine stripping the sunlight off Kori and tasting every inch of her, licking and sucking on her pert tits before finally moving my attention to her pussy. She’s wet for me, practically dripping as she begs, and I drop to my knees in front of her.

“Yes, Gage,” she moans in that same breathy tone while I bury my tongue inside her.

She tastes like heaven, the perfect mix of sweet and tangy. My cock twitches in my hand, and I come with a grunt as my fantasy Kori’s face twists with her own pleasure.

The euphoric high only lasts long enough for the now icy spray to wash away the mess, and shame rapidly replaces it.

This is a new low.

I don’t think I’ve ever felt more pathetic or like such a creep.

Fuck .

This can’t happen again, and those fantasies can never happen at all.

I pushed her away for a reason. She deserves more than I can ever give her.

I need to distance myself from her, and if that means pulling away from the group, I will.

She needs my friends more than I do, and she will be better for them too.

Maybe it’s for the best. None of them need to be hanging around with the creepy old pervert.

After this, I’m not sure I don’t deserve to be alone.

Numb, I drag myself out from under the spray, barely taking the time to dry myself off before slipping into an old pair of sweats.

Even in the light of day, my gloom is stronger than ever.

Its shadows dance at the edges of my vision, casting a dark shroud over the otherwise bright apartment.

I don’t have the energy to fight it. Not now. Not after today.

It circles in closer, growing more and more oppressive, as I cross the hall and drop into my bed.

The smallest hint of Yellow’s citrus scent clings to my pillowcase.

I should have washed it, but I couldn’t bring myself to get rid of that reminder of her.

Now I wish I had, because it only adds to my self-loathing.

The gloom descends completely, bombarding me with intrusive thoughts and harsh reminders of why I should finally give in and let it win. I’ve battled it long enough to know all I can do is lie here and bear it.

Time passes by in a blur in my dissociated state. It might have been minutes or hours, but it’s Karis’s voice that pulls me out from under the crushing waves of melancholy.

“We’ve been knocking for fifteen minutes,” she shouts from down the hallway. Whatever she was going to say next dies on her lips when she sees my state and mumbles “shit” under her breath.

Shit indeed. But it’s not the first time Karis has found me in the midst of a meltdown. Hell, it’s the main reason she has a key. I went dark a few years back, and she damn near took my front door off its hinges when I didn’t respond to any of her check-ins.

She disappears from the doorway, her voice continuing to carry as she addresses the “we” she mentioned.

“Go ahead and get started without me. We’ll be out in a few minutes.”

“But Kare Bear, I have no idea what I’m doing,” Nathan whines.

“Then grab a beer and wait,” she snaps, “but we need a few.”

“Fine,” he grumbles, and the front door closing echoes from the living room.

A heartbeat later, she’s back in my room. The mattress dips beneath me as she sits by my waist.

“How bad this time,” she asks.

There isn’t a hint of judgment in her voice—there never is.

“Pretty bad,” I tell her. Lying now would only cause more problems.

“Bad enough I need to send Nathan and Morgan home?”

Goddamnit, she had to bring the whole cavalry. As much as I’d love to tell her yes and go back to wallowing, I know that isn’t what I need.

“No. I’m fine. I’ll be fine.”

I hope.

The room spins as I sit up and blink away the last of my daze. Sunlight still trickles in through the window, so I couldn’t have been out of it for too long. That’s good at least.

She hums in acknowledgment as she stands and moves to inspect the plants by the window. I know she has no real interest in my collection; she’s giving me space to reorient myself without an audience. It’s the same song and dance we go through every time she finds me like this.

I swing my legs off the side of the bed, sitting with my back to her as I try to convince myself to take the final step and stand. Maybe I’m not as fine as I want to be.

“What was the trigger?” The shadow of her fingers fidgeting with the long, thin leaf pinched between them plays on the wall in front of me.

Normally, I have no issues telling her all my sordid secrets, but any mention of Kori gets caught in my throat.

Karis lets me stew for a few minutes, not pushing me further despite the heavy silence in the air.

“Does this have anything to do with your lesson with new girl today?” she finally asks.

“I hurt her, Kare,” I rasp.

“Like, physically? Or something else?”

“I kissed her, then pushed her away like trash.”

She sighs and sits at my side.

“You’re an idiot,” she says and drops her head to my shoulder.

“I know.”

“Honestly, the guys are much better equipped to handle this than me.”

“Why are you all here? Not that I’m not grateful you showed up.”

“I just have a sixth sense for these things…and I might have gotten a deal on the parts you need.”

My spine straightens with that last bit of news.

“You did?”

“Yup. Brought the boys out to get them installed.”

“Why? They don’t know shit about cars.”

“But the three of y’all will keep me entertained while I work.”

“Thank you, Kare. Seriously. For everything.”

“It’s what friends are for. Now, are you ready to go face idiot one and idiot two?”

“As I ever can be. How much do I owe you?”

She waves me off as she heads for the door. “Don’t worry about it. Like I said, I got a deal.”

I grumble but don’t fight her on it while I follow her through my apartment.

She only stops to grab the case of beer from my fridge and carry it outside.

My other friends are waiting on the steps in front of my porch, each with a can in their hands.

If I was feeling more like myself, I would give them shit about mooching off my alcohol.

But in the grand scheme of things, the twenty-dollar case is meaningless.

It’s a fraction of what I owe them for this.

“About time you showed your face,” Nathan says as I step through the door. “I was starting to think you didn’t want us around.”

“Like that would stop you from showing up,” I try to snark back, but my voice sounds hollow.

Morgan’s forehead pinches, but he doesn’t say anything at my tone.

“I’m surprised to see you, though,” I address my more perceptive friend. “How did you get James to let you off your leash?”

He flips me off, but his face melts into a love-sick grin. “She’s been in her studio all day, so I figured I’d grace you with my presence.”

“God, you are so whipped,” Nathan chastises, and Morgan doesn’t even argue.

“You’re one to talk,” I call him out.

“Like you aren’t completely hung up on Kori.”

The mere mention of her name sucks all the air from my lungs, and the gloom swirls around me with a vengeance. My whole body stiffens while my face morphs into a hollow mask.

“Shit,” Nathan mutters. He might be oblivious, but he isn’t blind. “What happened.”

Karis drops the box next to the stairs and tosses me one of the cold cans.

“Yeah, Gage, tell them what happened, and I’ll see if I can bring your piece of shit back to life.”

With catlike grace, she maneuvers around our friends and pops the hood of my car parked in front of the staircase.

I didn’t give her my keys, but that didn’t stop her from taking them.

Hell, I’m surprised she gave me warning that she was going to fix the damn thing instead of stopping by while I was at work and then delivering my keys like some sort of mechanic fairy.

I crack open the beer, taking a long drink before joining them on the steps.

“I fucked everything up,” I tell them and take another sip.

“Oh yeah, that’s real specific,” Nathan says.

“Things got…out of control at our lesson today.”

“You? Out of control?” Morgan asks.

“Yeah. And in the heat of the moment, I let her kiss me.”

“And that’s a problem…?” Nathan prompts.

“Yes, it’s a problem. One, nothing can ever happen between us, and two, I might have pushed her away and told her it was a mistake. She was pretty upset when she left.”