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‘Thank you for that elucidating explanation, my dear little sister.’
Ella bit her lip again. ‘Just… just tell me… what happened last night. Please.’
I groaned. ‘I’m not actually very sure, you know. My memory of last night is a little vague.’
‘Oh.’ Again that lip-biting. This apparently came as an unpleasant surprise to her. No wonder. When you were about to preach to somebody about the grievousness of his sins, it’s preferable that the sinner still remembers them. It saves quite a lot of confusion.
‘Well… when you came home last night, you were intoxicated. Do you remember that?’
I pressed my hand to the left side of my head. The ache was particularly acute there.
‘Oh yes. I remember that.’
‘And I undressed you and put you to bed. Do you remember that, too?’
‘No. I think I might have been unconscious at the time. That sort of thing usually impedes my memory a little.’
Ella was immune to sarcasm. It was a very useful skill at times.
‘And before that, my dear sister? Do you remember anything of what passed before you returned home?’
‘It’s all a little hazy,’ I said evasively. My quota of good lies had already been used up for the day. Plus, my head wasn’t feeling its best today.
‘You went to see him, didn’t you?’
I blinked in confusion. ‘Him? Him who?’
‘You know perfectly well who I mean! You went to see him! The young man you have been seeing.’
‘Oh, him!’ Right! I had given Ella some vague hints about Mr Ambrose hadn’t I? She thought he was an admirer of mine. Sometimes it was really hard to keep track of one’s own lies and fibs.
‘Don’t try to deny it,’ Ella told me, looking up at me with those big, blue, sincere eyes of hers. ‘You went to see him, and he… and he… oh Lilly!’
Suddenly, her arms were around me and she was crushing me to her with all the force she was capable of. Luckily, she was no Patsy.
‘I can’t bear it any longer! Please! Simply tell me, Lill! You have to tell me! I won’t judge you, I promise! I know you would never, before marriage… Not willingly! Just, please! Please tell me! I mean… he… you… did he… did you… did the two of you…?’
My eyes went wide. Abruptly, it began to dawn on the excuse for a mind stuffed into my aching head what exactly Ella was talking about.
‘No! No, no, nonononono! No, not ever! Never! Not in this lifetime or a thousand others, or if I were a bee and he a spring flower full of yummy pollen! No, no, nonononono No!’
I shook my head so vigorously my brown hair bounced around like chocolate come to life, and I was in danger of head-butting Ella. I didn’t care! The idea of Mr Ambrose and me… doing that - well, it was too horrible to think about!
Really? Are you sure about that? asked a little voice at the back of my mind.
I told it to shut up.
Ella pushed me away a few inches, just enough to be able to look me in the face. Hers was shimmering with tears.
‘Really? Are you sure?’
She sounded eerily like that little voice in my head.
‘I think I would have noticed, Ella. I wasn’t that drunk.’
‘Oh. Um… well, good.’
We stood there for a few moments, not knowing what to say - then Ella suddenly pulled me against her and started sobbing again.
‘Hey! I told you! My virtue is safely under lock and key!’
‘I know!’ Ella wailed. ‘I’m crying from relief!’
‘Oh. You could have fooled me.’
‘Shut up!’
‘If you insist.’
‘Never do anything like that to me again!’
‘All right. Next time I get drunk I’ll be sure to be much more promiscuous.’
‘Oh Lill! Shut up!’
I could count the number of times my little sister had told me to shut up during my lifetime on the fingers of one hand. Anne and Maria were doing it constantly, but Ella? If she was being bossy, I really must have upset her. Tentatively, I put my arms around her and pulled her close.
‘What did he do to you?’ She sobbed.
‘I told you. Nothing,’ I soothed, patting her head.
‘I don’t mean that! I mean what else happened to you? What about the drink? What did that vile man make you consume?’
‘Ella, it’s not like that. He didn’t make me, I…’
‘Don’t you dare defend him!’ Letting go of me, she stared up at me, her face wet with tears. ‘You didn’t see yourself last night. You didn’t see what had happened to you. Oh, Lill!’
‘Ella, I…’
‘I know you love him-’
O really?
‘-but you can’t defend what he has done.’
Don’t intend to while you’re glaring at me like that, trust me.
‘I thought he was good for you, Lill, I thought he loved you, but a man who can do that to a girl is not worth a grain of feeling. Please, Lill, I know it must be painful, but try to rid yourself of those feelings. They will only hurt you. He will only hurt you.’
I felt almost like laughing. Poor Ella! If she only knew that all her concerns were for nothing. If she only knew that there was no special man in my life, certainly no man who could do anything to hurt me.
An image of Mr Ambrose’s hard, chiselled face flashed across my inner vision. Suddenly, I didn’t feel so much like laughing anymore.
‘Please, Lill! Won’t you try to forget him? For me? Please?’
She looked so forlorn, so torn apart by anxiety. What could I do?
‘Of course.’ Tightening my arms, I pulled her towards me. For some reason, tears started to prick my eyes, too, and as our cheeks touched as we hugged, our tears mingled. ‘I’ve learned my lesson. Don’t you fear. Everything will be all right. Everything will be just fine.’
‘Oh Lill!’
‘Shh.’
Gently, I held her in my arms and rocked her from side to side until her sobs had subsided. The Rocking made my head ache, but seeing her like this made my heart ache, and that was far worse.
Reaching around me, Ella gently stroked my hair.
‘I… I’m sorry. I know I’m asking a lot of you. I know it can’t be easy to give somebody up, when you feel about them this strongly.’