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Rachel

Dante found me the next morning. When he woke up and found me missing, he knew where I would be.

I hadn’t been able to move as Ben’s life ebbed away. I curled up in the corner and watched the patch on the floor grow larger, darker, and thicker as Ben’s blood pooled out.

The bigger the patch got, the harder my sobs came, until I was gasping for breath, unable to wipe my eyes quick enough as the thick blobs ran down my cheeks. My chest heaved with huge hiccupping wails until I thought the burning would never go away.

I wasn’t crying because of what I had done.

I was crying as a release.

I was letting go of the girl I used to be. I had been clinging to the last strand of hope that I could go back to the innocent girl before Alex found me. But I accepted it now. She died the day I walked into the club with the recruiter and fell into Alex’s trap.

I was crying for the shame I had held all these years, for actions I hadn’t committed. I was crying for the other girls who weren’t as lucky as me, who hadn’t found their way out.

I was crying for my dad, rotting in a jail cell because evil ruled the world, and evil lived in his daughter.

I was crying for everything. I was letting it all go.

When Dante found me, I was all cried out.

I just stayed on the floor, almost catatonic.

He didn’t say a word as he scooped me into his arms, cradling my head into his chest, blocking out Ben’s lifeless body.

I heard him say something, and Vienna’s calm voice – the same calming voice he always had, no matter the situation.

He said he would handle it, and that made me relax.

Dante and Vienna always handled it.

Weird how I could have such trust in two men I would have gutted mere weeks ago.

Dante carried me home and sat me on the bed. He dismissed Macbeth and his mother as they tried to speak to us.

He put me first.

He left me long enough to run me a bath, and then carried me to the bathroom, gently stripping me of my clothes.

He washed my hair for me, massaging shampoo and conditioner into the strands, and washed it out with such gentleness, careful to avoid my eyes. He carefully scrubbed the blood from my nails, kissing each fingertip as he did so.

He wrapped me in a fluffy towel and carried me back to bed, laying me atop the covers as he left to draw the curtains, blocking out the harsh light of day.

He kicked off his boots and climbed into bed with me, pulling me close. My head rested against his chest, hearing his steady heartbeat.

“Dante—”

“Not today, Rachel. Sleep. I’m not going anywhere.” He kissed my temple and cuddled me closer, his arms tightening around me.

For once, I didn’t fight. I surrendered to his commands and closed my eyes. I saw Ben behind my eyelids, lifeless and bloody. I saw Alex, laying on my parent’s driveway, his neck almost severed.

I shivered, the sobs creeping up my throat again.

Dante stroked down my arms, grounding me, bringing me back to the present.

“Does it get easier?” I asked in a quiet voice.

“It’s as easy as you let it be,” he said calmly.

“Do you actually feel guilty, or just think that’s how you should feel?

Are you sad because you regret it? Some people don’t deserve the life they were given, and I have no guilt about taking it away from them.

If you want to let guilt consume you, I can’t stop you.

But you didn’t take another human life. You stopped a monster masquerading as a man.

You ended so many people’s sufferings by ridding two monsters from this earth.

Don’t feel guilty over an archaic law that claims every life is equal.

People that prey on children deserve the darkest pits of hell, and you sent them there.

Rejoice in that, and you’ll find peace.”

I nodded and closed my eyes, forcing Alex and Ben out of my visions. Instead, I thought of Bee. Would I feel guilty if I killed to protect her?

Absolutely not. I’d kill Dante if he ever harmed her.

So why should I feel guilty for protecting myself and the child I used to be?

“I don’t know how to live with the past, Dante. Even knowing they’re gone; I still feel so dirty. So unclean. The things they did to me—”

“Nothing can change the past, Rachel. And you hit the nail on the head. It was things they did to you. Things they inflicted. You didn’t do a thing other than what it took to survive. You’re not dirty, and you’re not unclean. You are a survivor. You protected yourself, and countless other women.”

“But—”

“No buts. You don’t have to carry this alone. I’m here, ready to shoulder all the weight you can’t handle. The past is a ghost that’s been haunting you, but it doesn’t define you.”

“It feels so much more than a ghost, Dante. It’s a sin that has marked my soul. My dad is in prison because of me. How do I just get past that?”

He tightened his arms around me. “You get past it with me. Let me share that mark on your soul. I’ve enough darkness in me to take it on.

I’ve done things, Rachel, things that make your demons look like angels.

Let me take all the darkness in your soul as my own.

Let me take it so your light can shine through. ”

A peace settled within me, and I soon found myself slipping off into a settled, peaceful sleep. A sleep where I was not haunted by monstrous demons. Now I’m the demon haunting those that are remaining.

And I’d be coming for them.

And I’d have Dante by my side.