Page 79 of Sticks and Stones (FBI Romance/Thriller #65)

Since they were standing in the snow, and it was falling a little heavier, Gene brushed some from Ethan’s dark hair, and reassured him.

“Hey, breathe.”

Ethan was shaky.

He was pretty sure that having kids would just lead to one thing.

Destroying children’s lives.

Look at his father.

Look at his grandfather.

Timothy had tried, but he’d not exactly hit it out of the ballpark. Ethan wasn’t sure he wanted to risk ruining a whole person’s life with his coldness.

“I’m sorry I just scared you. Want to tell me what just freaked you out?” he asked.

Ethan just stood there.

Pulling off his one glove, he cupped Ethan’s cheek, and didn’t give a shit about the people milling around them.

“Babe, I’m sorry. I was joking. You know. People do outrageous things when they turn fifty. That’s outrageous to me.”

Still, he said nothing.

“Don’t shut down on me,” Gene said. “If you do, it’s harder to get back to this moment. Just tell me what you’re thinking, and I’ll help you get through it.”

He was honest.

“If I have kids, I don’t know if I could be a parent,” he said. “I’m a bad bet for that,” he admitted. “Look at my family.”

Gene moved closer, and stared into his eyes.

“I’m your family. We’re good. If we ever decide to have kids together, we’ll navigate it together. Honestly, I wasn’t serious. I’ll never run away with a younger man, so that’s the only thing that popped into my head that was as equally absurd.”

Gene could see the artery in his neck throbbing.

“Do you want kids?” he asked, knowing at one time, Gene said no kids. Only, now, he brought it up in jest. Already, the man was giving up so much to follow him.

It was all about Ethan’s career that he never thought the man would want a house in the suburbs in Virginia and a backyard with children.

“Not particularly. I mean, one day, my biological dad-clock might kick on, but each case we take where a kid dies scares me shitless. That’s when I don’t want to bring a child into this world.”

He ran his thumb over Ethan’s lower lip.

“Really. Do you want kids, EJ?”

That was a damn hard question to answer. Where did he even begin?

Before Gene, absolutely not.

Now…

He wasn’t sure. Blackhawk had learned that he could trust the person he was with, and he knew Gene would be an amazing father.

“I don’t know. I don’t know anymore.”

Gene was honest.

“You’d make an amazing father.”

He nearly laughed.

Ethan had just thought that about Gene.

“You don’t give yourself enough credit, EJ. You’re a good person, and you care. You went out of your way to help Corbin today. I’ve seen you talk to children who have witnessed horrible things. Remember the stripper we encountered out West, and you gave her your business card?”

He nodded.

“I checked in with my friend. You’ve been in contact with her. You’re not nearly as cold as you think you are. You’re the best person I know.”

Ethan hated that he struggled with the littlest thing.

“Do you ever get exhausted about how emotionally draining I am?” he asked.

Gene stared into his eyes.

“Never because you’re not emotionally draining. You, my handsome, sexy, amazing man, are an adventure, and I’m having the time of my life.”

Ethan wanted those words to be true.

“I’m going to be honest, EJ, because I know that’s what we built our relationship on.”

He waited.

“We can’t have kids like anyone else. I’m a bear.

I don’t have a uterus, and neither do you.

So it’s not a problem. We’re not accidentally making a kid.

So we have nothing to worry about. If one day, we decide to, we’ll deal with that.

For now, we’re too busy with our lives, and in danger on a good day.

I won’t bring a child into that. I’d hope I wouldn’t. ”

He put his head on Gene’s shoulder, and just watched the snow fall.

“I love you, EJ. We’ll navigate everything if you just breathe and let me know what has you scared.”

Turning his head, he left a kiss on Gene’s neck.

“I’m scared because for the first time in my life, I’d do it,” he said. “I’d willingly bring a child into this world or adopt one with you. That’s how much I love you. That’s how serious I am about us.”

Gene’s heart skipped.

And that was the biggest declaration of love that Ethan would ever be able to give him.

To trust him that much…

It meant everything.

When he lifted his head, Gene smiled.

“We’d make some gorgeous kids. The eyelashes on you…but goddamn it, you’re pretty.”

He laughed.

“God help the woman that has to birth any of our children. Her poor uterus. We’re not small men, Gene.”

No, they weren’t.

Still, Gene was amused.

“Better?” he asked.

Ethan nodded.

“Calamity avoided.”

Because he loved this man, he tried to cheer him up with the one thing he knew would work.

Lechery.

“I mean if you want to get a room we can start trying to get pregnant. I don’t mind practicing. You’re the pretty one. You play the woman.”

It made him laugh.

Yeah, he was better.

“Thank you, Gene,” he said.

Oh, well, the pleasure was his.

Holding out his hand, Ethan took it, and didn’t care that kids were watching them.

“Want to get a cat?” Gene asked.

Ethan laughed.

“What have I started?” he asked.

Gene squeezed his hand.

“No, seriously. We can go adopt one, and have a cat together. They are vicious, do what they want, and ignore you. It’s like a teenager but it shits in a box. We can skip the baby era and go right to the ‘I hate everything about you’ era.”

Blackhawk didn’t hate the idea. Watching Gene with a cat would be fun.

“After we go to Puerto Rico . We can go get a cat,” he said. “But you’re on litterbox duty,” he added. “I’ll buy the ungrateful feline food, and I’ll make sure it doesn’t starve.”

Gene grinned.

God.

That was so normal.

Yeah, they were a family.

When they got to their car, they got in, and this time, Ethan was letting Gene drive. The weather was changing, and he wanted to think about what they’d learned so they could make their next step.

It was time to stop thinking about their relationship, and focus on how three college students came across a predator.

“So, who do you want to talk to next?” Gene asked, as he navigated the snowy roads.

Honestly, Ethan didn’t know.

“You can pick,” Ethan said, “Both of our suspects, the professor and the lecherous scholarship giver, are tied for who it could be in my head.”

Yeah, his too.

“Only, now, Gene, we have another problem on our hands.”

Yeah, he didn’t like the sound of that.

Not.

At.

All.

“What?” Gene asked, bracing for it. He was sure it was going to be bad.

His partner was to the point.

“We have to go to Bull’s and ask questions, and our cover is blown. That’s going to make it more dangerous.”

And he was right.

Gene knew one thing.

They weren’t going to be getting a standing ovation when they went in.

They could bet on that.