Page 50 of Sticks and Stones (FBI Romance/Thriller #65)

The Mission

At Hand

Saturday Evening

B ecause they weren’t sure how long this was going to take to get the job done, or what they would need, Gene packed a few provisions for himself and Ethan just in case they needed them.

After making sure that Greyson was settled in watching Corbin, babysitting, they headed out.

When they left the condo, they left their phones behind. All night, while they were out, Greyson would be texting them, and Corbin would be answering.

As far as anyone would know, if this went bad, Ethan and Gene were in their living room at the condo.

That way if this ever came back to bite them in the ass, they were covered.

All the way there, as Gene drove, Ethan was watching him, and Gene knew it.

He could feel his gaze, and it made his body react. They’d had fun this morning, thinking they were going on their vacation, and before they managed to squeeze in a quickie, but it didn’t matter.

Gene missed his man.

Half of the fun in his life was getting up close and personal with his partner.

It wasn’t often they split up on a case, and Gene didn’t like it. That was a little too much for him. Keeping Ethan close was his biggest hobby.

Tomorrow, when he was doing interviews, he had to find a way to get Ethan back out in the field.

For a few reasons.

One, he liked checking out his ass whenever he possibly could, and two, with Javier on the cusp of buying his way out of a bondless holding, he needed to make sure his man was right next to him.

Continually.

There was no way he wanted him out of his sight where something bad could happen.

Call him crazy, but Gene was worried about what could go down.

If Javier could pay someone to ice Diesel in lockdown without anyone knowing, what could he do to them?

Oh, the list of possibilities was endless.

Yeah, he wasn’t taking any chances with either of their lives at this point.

If Philly taught him anything, it was to be wary as fuck when it came to anything that could happen here.

When he glanced over, Ethan was suddenly staring out the window, silently.

“Want to share what you’re thinking?” Gene asked, shifting gears and then connecting them by taking Ethan’s hand in his.

Did he want to share?

Absolutely.

Because he couldn’t love this man more, he caught him off guard by giving him a kiss on the cheek.

“I just want to tell you that it’s sexy when you’re playing big brother to Corbin. I like that side of you, big, mushy bear.”

He laughed.

And corrected him.

“I have news for you, EJ. I’m soft and mushy when it involves you and my family. When it’s not, I’m vicious and mean. I’m a cranky old man in a young man’s body. Soon, I’ll be yelling at the kids to get off our lawn.”

That amused Ethan.

Well, either way, he didn’t think he’d ever not feel this way about Gene.

“For the record, I also told Corbin he could crash with us. I know that’s going to put a damper on the couch kinkery, but he needs us.”

Oh, Ethan knew Gene was going to do it. If anything, he was a good, kind, sweet man with a big heart. That cranky outer shell was just because he was a Fed.

And he saw through it.

“I’m sure we’ll survive without having sex a few weeks,” he teased, somehow keeping a straight face.

Gene’s head turned so fast that it almost made Ethan laugh.

“Hold the phone there, partner. What do you mean weeks? I’ve already got blue balls, and we had some sexy fun this morning and a few hours ago. I can’t go days—let alone weeks. Someone lied to you.”

He snorted.

Oh, and kept busting his ass.

“I mean, we can’t just be all naked and free in front of Corbin. That’s too much of what he’d want.”

Gene laughed.

“Good point. We’ll just have to have our kinky little fun in between working and babysitting. I can break out the perversion anywhere. Don’t you worry about that. Right now, I’m thinking about sex.”

Weren’t they both?

The answer was ALWAYS .

Because it seemed like a good time, Ethan went there. He was genuinely curious.

“Can I ask you something?”

Gene glanced over quickly and then navigated the slick roads.

“Always. You know that.”

Something was bothering him.

“When it was suggested that I take Sasha on a date, you weren’t happy. Why?” he asked. “If it’s to solve our problem with Gabe, I don’t see the issue.”

Oh, boy.

How did he navigate this with his fears of losing Ethan?

“Because I don’t want my man having a date with anyone else. That’s my territory.”

Ethan was watching him.

“You weren’t honest with me just now. When you don’t tell the truth, you get twitchy,” he admitted. “Now, how about you be honest?”

Gene sighed.

He knew better than to lie to Ethan or only tell part of the truth—like he just did.

“It’s silly,” Gene said.

Ethan didn’t back down.

“Clearly, it’s not if you’re this tense. I can see the artery in your temple.”

As they sat in traffic, waiting to keep making the drive, Gene knew Ethan wouldn’t back down.

“It’s not the pretend date. It’s who the pretend date is with,” he finally admitted.

Ethan didn’t understand.

“You think she can force me into sex?” he asked. “She can’t, Gene. I’m not a cheater.”

He was honest.

“If it was a man, I’d be okay. That it’s a woman, it scares me.”

Ethan was so confused.

“You’d let me have a fake date with a man when you’re a man, but not with a woman?”

He nodded.

“Yes.”

Ethan needed more.

“You gotta help me out on this. I’m obviously missing something.”

Gene figured he might as well be honest. Ethan wasn’t going to back down.

“I’m scared shitless that at some point, the straight part of you is going to see a woman, be attracted to her, and realize that you aren’t into me. Then, you’ll leave me behind.”

What?

That shocked him.

“I think I’m very into you,” Ethan admitted. “We’ve done just about everything that can be done in bed, with the exception of you taking my ass all the way. How could you think I’m not into you?”

He didn’t know.

“It’s an irrational fear. When we first met Sasha, she was flirting with you, and I was so afraid you’d check her out and leave me behind. You’ve spent your whole life straight until recently. I can’t risk you going back. I’ll never recover from it.”

Ethan was appalled.

“And you’re carrying this around with you? Every time I am near women, this is what you think?”

He nodded.

“In my defense, I told you it was silly.”

Ethan hated that Gene was carrying that. He didn’t think about anyone but him. There weren’t other men or women.

There was only Gene.

“I can’t bear to lose you to a woman. What we have…it’s the best thing in my life. The idea that you might wake up tomorrow and be turned off by being with a guy haunts me. It’s why I’m so careful when it comes to sex.”

What was this?

Was Gene holding back?

Now, Ethan was worried.

“What are you holding back?” he asked.

Gene was direct.

“If I hurt you during sex, I’m afraid you’ll never want to have sex with me again, and you’ll leave me.”

Jesus.

This was heavy, and had Ethan known he was carrying this burden, he would have stopped him.

“So that’s why you’re not willing to take me all the way, and instead, you’re trying to ease into it?”

He nodded.

“Oh, Gene,” he stated, horrified. “I’m not going to see a woman and walk away. I’ve made a commitment to you. I don’t tell anyone I love them, and I don’t allow myself to be vulnerable in bed with just any person.”

He let him talk.

“If you were to hurt me during sex, I’m smart enough to know it wasn’t intentional. That explains why I keep begging, and you keep holding back.”

Gene kept his eyes on the road, and he was grateful they were having this talk in the car.

“I’m not afraid of some pain, Gene. I was at first, but I trust you. As for leaving you for a woman, that shit isn’t happening. Again, I’m monogamous. It would take an act of God for that to happen.”

He kept driving.

“It’s always in the back of my mind that you can leave at any second. It haunts me.”

In that moment, his insecurities rose up, and for Ethan, that was never a good thing.

He stopped talking, and instead, he stared out the window of the car.

When Gene realized he wasn’t talking, he glanced over, and he could see the reflection in the window of Ethan’s face. The lights on the dashboard gave him just enough to let him see.

And he looked as if he was in pain.

Oh, Jesus.

“EJ?”

He held up his hand.

“I need a minute,” he said, absolute misery in his voice. “I can’t.”

Gene kept driving, and as they were close to the hotel, he needed to talk to his man. If they went in like this, they’d have issues.

They both had to be on the same page.

Pulling off the main drive, he parked the car on the street.

Then, Gene just waited.

Finally, Ethan spoke.

“I’m sorry that I’m this difficult to be with,” he admitted. “Because you’re suffering just to be with me. I’m a disaster,” he said. “I see why no one could ever love me. I’m too much. I make people work for it when it should be easy.”

Gene’s heart skipped.

Oh, shit.

This was bad.

“EJ, please don’t say that. Loving you is the easiest thing in the world. I swear.”

He looked over.

“It’s not if me faking a date with a woman I can’t stand right now to save us from Gabe is enough to scare you. If every woman I come in contact with makes you wonder, I’m doing this wrong.”

He turned on the lights inside the Mustang and faced Ethan.

“You’re not doing it wrong. There’s just that lingering fear that some woman will steal you away.”

Ethan stared into his eyes.

“You know that I could have the same fear, right?” he asked.

Gene laughed.

“No one is going to kick down the door to steal me away from you. You’re the catch, EJ. Let’s face it.”

Ethan didn’t want to do this.

“Let’s just go work,” he said, cutting the whole conversation off because of that comment.

It pissed him off.

“It’s true. You’re gorgeous. Your body is perfect, and you’re incredibly sexy. Compared to you, no one is going to try and steal me away.”

Ethan stared at him.

“You’re an asshole,” Ethan said.

That caught him off guard.