Page 31 of Sticks and Stones (FBI Romance/Thriller #65)

Oh, well, in this case, he was, but everyone made mistakes, and Ethan had learned that second chances were important.

Humans made mistakes, and they learned from them. This was a hard lesson to learn, but Corbin didn’t die, so that was the main point.

“How about you cut him a break?” he asked. “Gene feels shitty and guilty that you got hurt,” Ethan admitted. “He’s trying to come to grips with it, as he blames himself for all of this.”

Corbin said nothing.

Already, he felt horrible about what he’d just done. He knew he was better than that to swipe at a man who hadn’t done a thing to deserve it.

Gene wasn’t the enemy.

The real enemy was Corbin. He had learned a valuable lesson in all of this.

He wasn’t the badass detective he thought he was.

As for the two men, they came and got him. They sprung him and were taking care of him. Taking a shitty shot at Gene was low, and he knew it.

They weren’t the problem.

Corbin had a lot to learn in life, and as a detective. That was for damn sure.

Ethan continued because it needed to be said so Corbin understood.

“That anger he’s feeling is because Gene feels responsible and so do I.

We should have really talked you down from this ledge, and we didn’t.

That’s on us. Maybe letting you take credit for all of the cases is our fault.

It gave you a sense of being indestructible, and investigators aren’t.

Look at me. I was abducted because I didn’t think about looking in the backseat of a vehicle. ”

Corbin listened.

“Don’t bust his balls over it since he’s not busting yours. He’s trying to stay calm, and clearly struggling to do it.”

Corbin was to the point.

“He’s not responsible, and neither are you. I am, and now I’m questioning whether I was ever a good cop or not. They made my cover the first time I was there. It’s like they knew I was coming.”

Well, yeah.

Corbin was the boy next door. He screamed goodie two shoes. He looked like pure driven snow. There was no way anyone would think he was a biker in a gang.

Because he wanted Corbin to have some peace, he put his hand over Corbin’s casted arm to connect them. When he did, the man looked over at him, and he looked miserable.

Yeah, well, that was going around.

Welcome to the club.

No one in that group was feeling fine and dandy about any of this. Guilt was running a-plenty.

Unfortunately.

Ethan shared.

“You can’t stop a person from feeling things, even if they aren’t how you see things.

Gene and I feel bad, and we feel like we failed you.

We’re going to carry that for a very long time, and you can’t change that.

The bottom line is we’re trying to help you out of this, because now, they know who you are.

This is a much deeper mess and it’s going to take a while to clean it up. ”

Corbin felt like shit for being rude.

The two men were like his brothers. They showed up when he needed them most. They canceled holidays to help him out, and they came and found him when he was lost and damaged.

That was beyond valuable.

It was essential for his survival.

“If this ended in your death, Corbin, both Gene and I would be heartbroken. We love you, and care about you. That’s why we’re doing this.

It’s not to make you feel guilty, or to say, ‘I told you so’ .

We’re trying to sort through this mess to see how we can take care of it.

Right now, we’re two steps behind, playing catch-up. ”

He knew he was right.

And Corbin did appreciate them—more than they’d ever know.

Only, he hated himself right now. He lost so much with that careless mistake.

His dignity.

His pride.

His relationship with Will.

And almost his life.

Finally, he spoke.

“I didn’t mean to snarl at him. I’m just angry at myself right now. I was an idiot, and now, we’re all pulled into this.”

Ethan reassured him.

“We are accustomed to being snarled at, Corby, and as for being pulled into a mess, that’s pretty much our jobs. Everything here is back-to-back messes that need to be cleaned up.”

Ethan lifted his chin with gentle fingers, so he was staring into his eyes.

“We’re just not accustomed to watching someone we love suffer, and not being able to save them from themselves or that pain. This is a new thing for us too. Normally, it’s just us we have to worry about, but we made a family here, and as I’m learning, family always has your back.”

He got it.

“I’ll apologize,” he stated.

Ethan stopped that.

“He doesn’t want your apology, Corbin. What he wants is to teach you so you’re never in this position again.

He doesn’t want to see you continually getting hurt.

We won’t be here forever. We’re going to be here three years, and then, you’re going to have to be able to cover your own ass.

We’ll come back to help you if you need us, but at some point, we won’t be here to fall back on. ”

Corbin was confused.

“I thought it was two years,” he stated. “Where did three come from? You hate it here.”

Ethan was honest.

“In order to get this case pulled from the local law, we had to promise our boss that we’d do a third year here,” he admitted.

Corbin stared at him.

“You did?”

Ethan nodded.

“Yeah, because our family is here, and sometimes, you have to do the uncomfortable and painful things when you love someone. That’s a lesson I learned myself.”

Now, he felt worse.

“So you’re staying for me? Because I screwed up?” he asked.

Ethan reassured him.

“Not because you screwed up, Corbin. Because you needed us. Like I said, you need to learn how to do this for when we’re back in DC. So, we’re going to stay and teach you all we can so you can be a stronger detective who sees problems before you’re waist deep in them.”

Corbin knew what a gift that was. Honestly, to be the kind of cops they were, and to be at an FBI standard was something he wished he could be.

If he decided to stay on the force, he needed to know how to be better. He needed to know how to be effective.

He needed to know how to be…them.

That was the bottom line.

“We don’t know what your plans are, and you don’t have to have an answer now, but if you decide to stay a detective, you need to be ready to learn. Gene and I are going to teach you everything so that you can do the job, because what happened to you needs to be the aberration, not the norm.”

He didn’t know what to say.

Honestly, Corbin appreciated that.

Really.

Ethan knew it was time to tell Corbin everything, so that he’d see that Gene really only had his best interests at heart. It was time to share everything because holding the truth back wouldn’t help Corbin in the long run.

Actions had consequences, and this ripple was going clear across the pond.

“We’ll run interference for you as much as we can. Like today.”

Corbin lifted a brow.

He was confused.

Did he miss something?

“What does that mean,” he asked.

Ethan explained.

“While you were here with me, Gene had to deal with your boyfriend, Will,” he said, out of the blue. “He had to buy you some time.”

At his name, Corbin tensed.

Then, he went there.

“He saw Will?” he asked.

It looked like Ethan had to break this to him, and he hoped he could handle it.

Corbin had a lot of shit to handle because of his choices.

Unfortunately, there were some things that they couldn’t do for him.

This happened to be one of them.

“Yes, he did. When he went to your place to get you some of your things, Will showed up. He confronted Gene, and he told him you were working on a case. He’s not sure that Will actually believed him, but he’s going to keep coming at us until you face him.”

With his voice so low, he answered him. Corbin had been thinking about this for a while. To him, there was only one choice.

Corbin was going to have to let him go.

“I don’t know if I can face him. Look at me. I’m a mess,” he whispered. “Who wants this nightmare in their life?”

Ethan closed the files, and he cut up more of Corbin’s food for him. Then, he placed the fork in his hand again.

“That’s not your choice. Like I couldn’t tell you how to handle this and what to do regarding the evidence you were wearing, you can’t tell Will how he gets to react.

If he loves you, he’s going to want to be with you even after this.

If he really cared about you, he’s going to be by your side for the journey.

That’s how you’ll know it’s love. You told us you wanted to marry him. ”

Corbin nodded.

“I do. I mean, I did.”

“And was what happened to you the reason you don’t want to do that?” Ethan asked.

Slowly, he nodded.

“Yes. This is going to be a horrible road to be on,” he whispered. “I was raped, and I could be sick. I could be a ticking time bomb with HIV, so how do I damn him for the rest of my life with that?”

Ethan knew what he meant.

A bunch of bikers hadn’t used condoms, and they had random sex partners.

“And if you’re not sick?” he asked, trying to be optimistic and prove a point.

Corbin looked up at him, and his one eye was swollen, so he was struggling to focus on him.

“You saw the damage. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to be intimate with anyone again. They branded me, Ethan. I’m marked in ways I can’t even talk about.”

Ethan saw the mark.

“If this was me, Gene would stay with me until the end,” he admitted. “If it was Gene, I’d love him and never walk away. Love changes people, Corbin. Stop thinking about his reaction to the physical, and focus on the emotional connection.”

He just couldn’t.

Corbin’s body was a mess.

“I don’t think I can do it. When he gets a good look at me, and runs in horror, how do I face that? Because that’s going to hurt me even more.”

Ethan knew the man wasn’t thinking straight, and he certainly wasn’t listening.

Yes, he had seen Corbin’s body, and while he was a mess, he still had all of his working parts. His dick was swollen, his ass had been brutally taken, but he would heal.

Now, it would be mental over physical, and he knew it.

Corbin would need to see someone to work through this, but he wasn’t bringing that up to him now.

He’d have time later.

“Again, if he loves you, he’ll stick. For now, you’ll have to wait and see how he reacts, but you owe it to him to let him know where his boyfriend is. Wouldn’t you go looking for him if he disappeared?”

Corbin knew he would.

How could he not?

He loved Will.

The last few weeks had been chaos, and every time he had a free minute, he called the man. Corbin swung by his office to bring him lunch, or met him for a quickie to keep their connection going.

The man was always on his mind.

Even now, he was aching to see him, and dreading it at the same time.

“You need to give the people around you some grace as we do the same for you, Corby. We’re learning how to deal with this on the fly,” he admitted. “And you need to give us some credit too. You’re being hard on yourself without us ever giving you a reason to be.”

Corbin sighed.

“And you’d never leave Gene?” he asked.

Ethan shook his head and didn’t hesitate for a single second.

“Remember how you said you wanted to find someone to love, and that sex wasn’t the priority. Well, I can say with absolute certainty that if what happened to you had happened to Gene, I’d never leave him. Ever.”

He didn’t say a word.

“In fact, I’d fight even harder to be with him. What you see as broken, Corbin, I would see as someone needing me even more. What we all want is to be loved and needed.”

That hit home.

That had been all he wanted.

“You’re right,” he admitted, but Corbin still struggled with the whole thing. Right now, he was doing battle with his heart and brain.

Oh, and his body.

Because he needed it, Ethan handed him another water to keep him hydrated.

“This made such a mess,” Corbin admitted, drinking the water. “I fucked this up. In case I didn’t say it, or I forget to say it, thank you for helping me clean it up.”

Oh, well, he didn’t know the half of it. Since they were talking about ‘messes’ , someone needed to tell Corbin, and that someone was him.

“I have to tell you something, and you really need to know about it. Don’t panic.”

The second Ethan said that, his words scared him. When a Fed said don’t panic, that meant he really needed to panic.

Big-time.

“What?” he asked, putting the water bottle down to brace for it.

Ethan told him, and he really hoped Corbin stayed calm.

“After they assaulted you, and left you to die in the alley, they took your car, keys, wallet, and headed to a place to hang out and party.”

He lifted a brow.

What?

He was astounded, and for a couple of reasons.

“Really? You found their den where they partied after, and it was my house?” he asked, amazed that they worked so fast. It had only been a few hours.

Here came the two in the one-two punch.

“Yeah, they used your keys to find your car on the street, and used your wallet to find your address. Then, they went to your house, crashed there last night, had sex in your bed, and wrecked the place.”

Corbin began panicking.

They knew where he lived.

Oh, Jesus.

Now, any ounce of safety had been stolen away from him once more.

Ethan continued.

“When Gene and Greyson got there to get you some things to wear, they saw the wreckage and cleaned it up, but now we have a big problem.”

Corbin’s heart was pounding in his chest. There was more than one problem.

He felt violated all over again. His home was his one, single oasis in the city. Because he was a cop, his home’s location wasn’t easily found, in case someone wanted retribution for an arrest.

Now, he had no oasis.

On top of that, he felt sick.

They defiled his bedroom?

Where he slept with Will?

“What could be worse about what you just said to me?” he asked.

“They saw a picture of you and Will in your bedroom. They know you were with someone, and that you’re a cop.

They aren’t the masterminds in this, Corbin.

If they are involved, they are working with someone above their pay grade.

If they report that information back, and it gets out that you didn’t die, who do you think they are coming for to keep you quiet? ”

His heart skipped.

“You know…when they can’t get to you?” Ethan asked. “It’s why we’re hiding you here. For your safety.”

Oh, Jesus.

Corbin knew who would be in the line of fire, and that scared the hell out of him.

William Barker.

His boyfriend.

He dropped his fork as that fear gripped him.

Will wouldn’t be safe.

From the look on his face, Ethan knew that Corbin finally understood that every action as a cop had a consequence, and this consequence could be dangerous for the man he was dating.

“Oh, no,” he said, horrified. “Will is in danger.”

What had he done?

He had to put a distance between him and the man because now, his life could be in danger too.

And it was no fault of his own.