Page 44 of Sticks and Stones (FBI Romance/Thriller #65)

“You didn’t hurt him, per se, Corbin, but he feels bad about what happened, and he’s trying to give you space to be angry if that’s what it takes.

What I’ve learned about Gene is he’s tough on the outside, but inside he’s a teddy bear.

He’s also like a poppa bear too. He’ll kill for his loved ones, and you, Corby, are like a cub to him. ”

Yeah, and that was why he had to face the man down, and fix what he’d done out of rage over what happened to him. It wasn’t Gene’s fault.

It was his, but he couldn’t yell at himself.

Corbin put the water bottle down.

“I’m going to go talk to him,” he stated. “I don’t like what I feel between us. You guys are all I have now, and I need to be honest with him.”

Ethan knew that was likely for the best. The last thing they needed now was tension between any of them. If Corbin felt the need, Ethan supported it.

“Go ahead. He’ll talk to you. He’s not angry with you, Corbin. He’s angry with the situation. You can trust him to protect you.”

Yeah, Corbin knew that to be true.

Heading toward the bedrooms in the condo, the master bedroom door was closed.

It took him a second to build up his courage, but finally, he did.

Knocking, he waited outside until he heard his voice.

“Come in.”

When he opened the door, Gene was sitting on the side of the bed. His phone was plugged in, but he was silently regrouping for what would go down later.

Or so he assumed.

“Can we talk?” he asked.

Standing, Gene shrugged.

“If that’s what you’d like to do.”

Walking in, he headed toward the man, and he knew that he was difficult to look at. His face was a mess, he needed to get his one tooth repaired, and the missing one replaced.

“I know you’re angry,” Corbin said.

Gene’s body language confirmed that, but he said absolutely nothing.

Sometimes, it wasn’t what you said, but what you didn’t say that spoke louder.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

When Gene opened his mouth, as he was about to reassure him that it wasn’t his fault, he didn’t get a chance. Corbin moved at him, and he hugged him, burying his face in his chest.

That’s when Gene felt the dam break, and the waterworks started.

That made him soften.

He couldn’t kick a Corby when he was down.

Yeah, he was angry, but not at him.

“Hey, it’s okay, Corby. I’ve got you,” he said, holding him.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered, knowing he shouldn’t have snapped at him before. The man was about to break the law and do who knew what to fix this, and Corbin appreciated it.

Gene just ran his one hand up and down his back, gently, and held him.

Corbin was that kid brother you loved to torment, but would die to protect.

“I’m just so angry and I don’t know where to point it.

I was wrong. Don’t be angry with me. I need you and Ethan now.

You’re all I have to keep my head above water.

They almost killed me, or worse, trafficked me, Gene.

I didn’t think this could get worse, but it does.

I don’t think I’ll ever be the same again. ”

Gene let him stay against him, and he could smell Ethan’s shampoo and body wash on the man.

At his words, he sighed.

Yeah, no one could ever say he wasn’t a puddle of mush underneath the angst and anger because right now, he only wanted to protect the man.

To calm him down, he reassured him.

“I’m not upset with you, Corbin. I’m just angry about the whole situation too.

Mostly, I’m pissed at the two detectives, the commissioner, and at myself for not stopping you from getting hurt.

I guess we both don’t know where to point it.

This time, it was at each other. I don’t stay angry long, Corbin.

That’s one thing you need to know about me. ”

For Corbin, his whole world was falling apart. He didn’t know how to deal with anything. All he wanted to do was hide.

So, he stayed against Gene, clinging to him.

“I wish I called you guys,” he admitted. “Every single second of what they did to me, I wished I’d been smart enough to ask for your help again. I just didn’t want to ruin your vacation again. I knew you were leaving today, and…”

Yeah, no.

Immediately, Gene stopped him. He made Corbin stare into his eyes.

“Corbin, your life and well-being, are more important to us than a vacation. We would have helped you had you come to us. This isn’t an easy case as we’re finding out.”

He was seeing that too.

It was funny since Corbin really believed he’d be able to handle it.

Now, his confidence as a cop was rattled, and he didn’t know if he’d ever be able to do his job again.

He didn’t know if he’d ever be able to be intimate with another person.

Oh, and he didn’t know if he was even going to make it. His dreams were nightmares, and his body would be forever marked as a reminder of how one slipup could cost you everything.

Gene continued.

“They shouldn’t have sent you out on this job,” he admitted. “Going undercover is not a single person job. The first rule of undercover work is always have a partner to help you get out of a mess.”

Corbin listened.

Because he tried to do this his way, and it didn’t work. Now, he was going to listen.

“The second rule of undercover work is put your ego aside because you have to be able to ask for help when you need it.”

Gene made him stare into his face.

“You’re important to both of us. The day you covered for Ethan after his assault, you became my brother. I’ll always be your backup no matter what. We’ve bonded here in Philly , and we’ve become a unit.”

As a big tear slipped down his battered cheek, Gene wiped it away.

“Before I leave this city, I’m going to make sure you know how to be safe. I don’t want to see you hurt, Corbin. We care about and love you. You’re our family. Forever.”

His words hit Corbin in the soul.

He was an only child, so he didn’t know what it was like to have brothers or people to call when the shit was going down. Now, he did, and he needed them.

He.

Was.

Struggling.

Corbin took the chance and opened up.

“They broke me, Gene. They broke me in ways where I’ll never be okay again. Every time I close my eyes, they are there hurting me. I can’t fight it. It’s too much for me.”

With love, he patted his cheek.

“You don’t have to be alone and afraid. You don’t have to fight this by yourself.

We’re here, and we’ll get you through this, just like you helped Ethan when he was hurting.

If you need to stay here, we have a spare room and it’s yours.

You can move in for as long as you need to be here.

We’ll protect you, go to therapy with you, and stand guard.

You’re not alone, Corbin. You have family to lean into, so do it.

Be brave enough to trust us to hold you up when it gets difficult. ”

Gene wanted him to understand that he had a home if it was needed.

And since they knew where he lived, that was probably a good idea.

At his words, he tried to stop being so weepy, but it was damn difficult.

“Thank you.”

He stopped him again.

“You don’t have to thank me. That’s what family does, and that’s what brothers do. I have siblings, so I know what it feels like to be able to call them if I need them.”

Corbin was curious.

“Do you call them?”

He laughed.

“Hell no! They don’t know I’m gay, and my Midwestern family would have problems with that.

I mean, if I had car trouble, or money trouble, yeah, I’d call them.

If I had a fight with my boyfriend…I’d call you.

I’m not an idiot. I like to let the pros handle the things they can handle.

I’ve seen you watch Ethan and study him.

You’d give me better advice than they would any day. ”

Now, Corbin felt a little better.

He felt surrounded with love, and that helped him fortify himself. It was going to be a long battle back, and he knew it.

“The bottom line is that we will keep you safe, and we’ll make sure you’re not in danger.”

He needed to know.

“Will I ever be okay again?” Corbin asked. “Will I ever feel like Corbin again? Because now, I don’t know how to be myself.”

Here came the bad news.

So, Gene sat him down.

Then, he held his hand in his bigger one.

“It’s going to take time, Corby. It’s not going to be easy, but yes, one day, you will be back to that annoying pain in my ass who’s always hitting on my man and trying to kiss him.”

He laughed a little.

“I mean, if this will make you cave and let me cuddle up to him…”

He snorted.

“See? There he is, lurking and waiting for me to lower my defenses so he can steal my man right out from under me. Rule seven is be paranoid. Always.”

He was confused.

“What happened to three through six?” he asked, meaning the rules.

“In due time, grasshopper. In due time.”

His kindness and gentleness helped Corbin.

Gene wasn’t treating him like he was anyone but Corbin, and that was exactly why he didn’t want to see his parents or Will.

For now, he needed to regroup.

“I know you, Corbin. You’re tough. What they did to you is horrible, and if you need to talk it out, I’ll be there to listen. It doesn’t matter if it’s today, tomorrow, or six months from now. If you have to get it off of your chest, I’ll be here to let you talk it out. That’s how you heal.”

Yeah, that’s what Ethan told him.

Since he was offering, Corbin needed his advice about the other thing that was making him feel horrible.

“Did I make a mistake by not submitting the rape kit to catch them through court? Should I have been stronger and able to face them?”

There was no right or wrong for that one.

Not in this case.

“Honestly, Corbin, I can’t answer that for you. Only you can make that decision. I understand why you couldn’t do it. As a gay man, in a hyper-masculine job, I know that you didn’t want this to define you and get out.”

He let him talk.