Page 13

I’m sitting at home with my cousin while our kids play when Jake calls me. With my cousin being here, I asked him to skip coming over this weekend, but I love how thoughtful he is, and I answer the phone with a smile on my face, making my cousin laugh at me.

“Hi babe, what's up?”

I hear people talking in the background and realize it's a butt dial, so I hang up. On the third call, I decide to go smoke and listen, telling my cousin I'll be right back.

As soon as I close the door, I hear Bianca laugh through the phone.

“So, where’d you meet her?”

Bianca asks.

“At Home Depot, she was looking for something, and I helped her find it, then she asked for my number. We’ve been talking every day since then,”

he says, still laughing. “She’s fucking something, isn't she?”

“Yeah, these pictures she sent you are fucking hot, dude. How doesn't your crazy girlfriend know about this?”

Her voice is clearer than his.

That’s why Bianca sounds so close, she has his phone.

“That’s the best part, B,”

Jake chuckles, “I saved her number under Ed. If Maria ever texts me while I’m with Elle, she just thinks it’s my boss.”

Bianca bursts out laughing as I hear the unmistakable click of her hanging up.

My hands shake as I smoke. My heart races, every beat feeling like it’s going to burst out of my chest. I laugh because his bragging about not getting caught is what got him caught, and his friend set him up just so I could catch him. I take a long drag from my cigarette, trying to steady my shaking hands, but it doesn’t help.

Check your call log and don't bother calling me again.

Within minutes, he starts calling me, my phone buzzing relentlessly, his name flashing across the screen. So, I don't hesitate to turn it off as I walk back inside, acting like everything is fine.

“How’s it going, being back?”

Nancy asks when I come back inside.

“I think Damian is getting used to everything, you know? The new normal.”

“Yeah,”

she says, looking over at me with a small smile. “It’s a lot of change. But he’s lucky to have you back. You’ve really stepped up, Elle.”

“Thanks, Nancy,”

I say, my voice catching a little. I felt like I was just barely keeping it together. “I didn’t really know what I was doing at first. It’s a lot of responsibility, but…”

I trail off, watching Damian grab the soccer ball and kick it toward Leah, Nancy’s daughter, who misses it by a mile, both of them bursting into giggles. “But I think it’s getting easier. We’re finding our rhythm.”

“How’s it really been, though? I mean, with everything… with your mom?”

Nancy takes a sip of her tea, her eyes following the kids, too.

“That’s... that’s harder in a lot of ways.”

Things are tense. I think she's struggling to let go, to let me take over completely.

“It’s hard,”

I continue, the words coming a little more easily now. “She hasn’t said anything outright, but I can tell. She still gets up to do everything for Damian, even when I’ve got it. Like the other day, I told her I’d handle his lunch, and when I found her in the kitchen ten minutes later, she said she didn’t even realize what she was doing.”

“You can’t change how she’s feeling, Elle. You’re not taking anything away from her. You’re just doing what you need to.”

After we get the kids to sleep, I help Nancy get the couch ready for her to sleep on, and then I head to bed myself. As I close my eyes, the weight of everything, my mom, Damian, and Jake, lingers. I turn over, burying my face in the pillow, wishing I could escape from it all. The hurt is sharp and bitter, and I can’t shake it. I’m calling my friend Holly for her cousin Justin’s number tomorrow.

I wanted to be important to him like he was important to me. I wanted to mean something to him.

-elle

“I’m glad you called,”

Justin says the next evening as I pour us both a shot.

“Same. It’s good to see you,”

I smile over at him, “You look good.”

“I look good? Clean is more than a good look for you.”

He smiles as he takes the shot glass from my hand and taps it against mine before shooting it back.

“Thanks. It took me a while, but I’m here with my son and you guys,”

I nod to Holly and her boyfriend sitting on the couch. “So life is definitely better.”

“You want to go smoke?”

I ask as my phone buzzes with an incoming text.

Jake: I want to see you

Yeah, NO.

“So, what have you been up to?”

he asks, leaning back casually with a grin on his face.

“Honestly, I’m just getting used to being a mom again,”

I sigh, “It’s great, don’t get me wrong, but it’s tougher than I expected. He still cries for my mom sometimes.”

“You’re sticking it out, though?” he asks

“I am. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”

Holly and Nick join us, bringing the bottle of vodka with them, and we take shots and bullshit. Justin sits closer to me to make room for them. Our knees brush, and I catch his eye, a small smile playing on my lips, though it doesn’t quite reach my eyes.

Fuck Jake for talking to other girls, but fuck him even more for ruining my night.

Holly’s face lights up as she nudges me playfully, and I can’t help but smile.

"Remember that summer in high school when you practically lived at my house? My mom made you do all those chores like you were one of her own kids."

"Yeah, I remember. Your mom gave me a whole list. I swear, I washed more dishes that summer than I have in my entire life."

Justin laughs, shaking his head. “I remember that! It wasn’t just dishes either. It was as many chores as they all had.”

“Right?”

I chime in, laughing even harder now. “She didn’t even ask me if I wanted to do it. I just woke up one morning, and she handed me a broom.”

I’m still laughing when I see headlights on the street seconds before a silver car pulls up and parks.

“Shit,”

I mutter under my breath, my heart racing as I rise to my feet, instinctively backing away from Justin.

“You guys should go, I’m sorry.”

I don't take my eyes off him as he climbs the stairs. He offers a curt nod to Holly, ignoring the guys completely, before stopping directly in front of me.

“Ready to talk?”

His voice is a low growl, tinged with anger, sending a shiver down my spine.

“Not particularly. I told you not to come.”

The fact that he's angry with me pisses me off even more.

“You said ‘yeah’, so I came.”

He shrugs his shoulders and leans against the house, crossing his arms.

“I said ‘yeah, no’ the ‘yeah’ was fucking silent.”

“Well, I’m here now. Invite me in to talk,”

he nods to the door behind me as Holly, Nick, and Justin come walking out. I hadn't even noticed they’d left the porch.

“She’s busy,”

Jake snaps as Justin approaches me. He just raises his hands up in a gesture of peace before he shakes his head and walks around us.

“You don't get to do that!”

I shout at Jake while he stands there looking smug.

“Do what? Keep assholes like him away from my girlfriend?”

“First, he's not an asshole, he's actually really fucking nice. And second, I'm not your girlfriend. You lost the right to call me that when you bragged about Maria!”

“One, don't yell at me like I'm a child. I'm 24, an adult. Try being one too.”

He sneers as he takes a step toward me, causing me to back up a step, and holding a finger up. “Two, you moved out and didn't speak to me for days, so you don't get a say in what I do when you leave me,”

he adds a finger and takes another step. “Three, I never met her in person after that first time at Home Depot,” another step and my back hits the door. “And four, you still love me. I bet if I stuck my hand down your cute little shorts, I'd find your panties soaked and your pussy dripping, wouldn't I?”

It’s so wrong, because he's not wrong.

“Nothing happened, Elle. You left, and when I had to chase you down, I wasn't sure what would happen, so I kept my options open. Sue me,”

he shrugs before he puts his hand in my hair and pulls me to him.

“Did you fuck him?”

he whispers against my mouth, and I shake my head no. He leans his forehead against mine, and I feel him relax.

“Let’s not do this again. If you have questions, ask me before you disappear and almost ruin everything,”

he says as he pulls back, looking into my eyes.

“Only if you don't start texting other women again.”

“I can do that,”

he laughs while pulling me in and holding me, “Let's go to bed, I'm tired. I work tomorrow morning in Olympia, and I just want to hold you. I miss you.”

After lying in bed, Jake pulls me against him, and I fall asleep with my head on his chest, listening to the sound of his heartbeat. When I wake up, he’s gone, but there’s a ‘good morning, I love you’ text waiting for me.

“Is there anything I can do to earn your trust back?”

he asks when he calls me later that night.

I shake my head, even though he can’t see me. Earn my trust back? He has it.

“No,”

I say, “You already have it. I owe you everything, Jake. Look at where I am versus where I was. That's because of you.”

“You’re crazy,”

he laughs. “How about we plan a little vacation to Portland with the kids soon? I think we could all use a change of scenery.”