Page 59 of Something Reckless
ALBA
I kiss the top of Jagger’s head as I turn out the light beside his bed.
He claimed to have a tummy ache and asked if he could go to sleep early tonight. Poor little guy. He hasn’t been the same since the other night when Raya came back and everything blew up in our faces. I’ve been trying to act normal, like everything is okay.
But the truth is, Easton hasn’t been coming around like he used to. In fact, he went back to Sin Valley a few days ago for ‘hockey stuff’ and I haven’t gotten more than a few text messages out of him since. I have no idea where we stand.
Jagger and I have been eating alone and the gaping hole Easton has left at our table mocks us every night at dinner time. I don’t blame my nephew for not wanting to face the hurtful truth again tonight—Easton has abandoned us.
Like my dad. Like Raya. Like Christopher.
Everybody abandons us.
It’s bad enough that my heart is broken. But seeing Jagger take the kick to his self-esteem? That’s what kills me, and now I’m blaming myself for not protecting him the way I should have.
I step out of Jagger’s room, closing the door softly behind me. I’m halfway down the hallway when my phone buzzes in my pocket. I feel a tiny bit better when I see Julissa’s name on the screen.
“Hello?” I say, my voice sounding rusty and tired to my own ears.
“Oh, honey. I hate seeing you like this,” my best friend says, her eyes boring into me through the screen.
“I…I’m fine, Jules,” I say, glancing down at what I’m wearing.
Easton’s hockey jersey and my stretched-out leggings have been my off-hours uniform all week.
I don’t look fine. I don’t feel fine. But maybe if I tell myself I’m fine often enough, I’ll eventually start to come around.
Laney appears on the screen, right over Jules’s back. “Is there anything we can do to make you feel better, babe?”
My shoulders lift then fall heavily. That’s the best response I can offer.
There’s so much pity on Jules’s face. It’s embarrassing. I’m down bad and there’s no way around it.
“Come over to our place,” my bestie suggests. “I’ll cook you dinner.”
I shudder. Because ‘Julissa’ and ‘cooking’ in the same sentence scares me.
“You’ll cook… dinner ?” I dare to whisper as I enter my bedroom and close the door.
Jules pops off her mattress and starts digging around in the mess piled up on her dresser. “Yeah. I should have half of a chocolate bar around here somewhere. And I could throw some marshmallows in the air fryer. And we have graham crackers, don’t we, Laney?”
Oh boy.
Laney snatches the phone from her roomie. Thankfully. “Uh, how about takeout?”
“Ooh. Takeout. Sounds like a good idea.” Jules claps her hands together. “Maybe we can invite the rest of the gang and turn it into an impromptu girls’ night. What do ya say?”
My stomach growls. I haven’t eaten anything all day. But my appetite has been missing in action these days.
“I don’t have a babysitter,” is my weak excuse.
“No worries. We’ll bring the party to you.”
And thirty minutes later, my girls do just that. There’s a light knock at the front door, and when I open it, Jules and Laney are there, with my mom and Tammy on their heels.
“Where’s Monica?” I ask, an undeniable sting in my chest when I realize that Easton’s mom didn’t come tonight.
I thought that she and I were developing our own friendship, independent of my relationship with Easton. In this moment, I fear that she has cut me off as well.
“Monica’s in Sin Valley,” Mom tells me softly as we all settle in front of the TV to watch a movie. “She went back to be with Easton. Apparently, he’s not taking things too well.”
The sting in my chest grows into a soul-deep ache. Thinking that Easton has forgotten Jagger and me is one thing. But knowing that he’s hurting in any way over this situation? It guts me completely.
SOMETIMES THE GOOD GUYS brEAK YOUR HEART WHEN THEY AREN’T EVEN TRYING , Julissa’s T-shirt says tonight.
Damn. I feel that in my soul.
“And what about Raya?” she asks me.
I shrug. “Who knows where Raya is? If I had to guess, I’d say she’s already left town. As usual, she just blew everyone’s lives up and disappeared. She didn’t even say goodbye to her kid. But is anybody surprised?”
I still can’t believe that my twin sister spun this huge, disgusting lie. She ruined so many lives and she doesn’t even seem to care. Meanwhile, I don’t know how to move forward.
“What do I do now?” I ask, my shoulders dropping in defeat.
“You do what you’ve always done,” Jules says. “You love Jagger and you take care of him. You’re his mom, Alba. In every way that counts. You always have been.”
I nod solemnly. "Jagger is my life. He’s my everything. That’s not going to change.”
“Have you had a conversation with Easton yet?” Tammy asks, her forehead creased with concern as she takes the popcorn bowl from Jules and digs in.
“I don’t think there’s a point,” I mutter. “There’s nothing left to say.”
“What do you mean it’s no point?” Laney asks.
I swallow thickly. “What we had was amazing. It was beautiful. But the glue that was holding us together fell apart. It’s over now.” If Easton isn’t Jagger’s father, what we had is… nothing now.
“That doesn’t have to be true unless you let it be true,” Tammy argues.
“We can’t be together, Tam. How would that even work?” I say, feeling exhausted. Tired of trying. I lower my voice to ensure that Jagger can’t hear. “I can’t ask Easton to stick around and raise a child that’s not his. That wouldn’t be fair to him.”
“Easton loves you. He loves Jagger,” my mother says. “ What’s unfair is not giving him the chance to be a part of this family just because he isn’t related to Jagger by DNA.”
“Exactly. So what if your little family is a tiny bit unconventional? Who cares? As long as you’re building a home filled with love,” Jules says softly.
Mom nods in agreement. “It’s what you and I have been doing for years.”
“We…we can’t.” I give my head a little shake. “I can’t do that with Easton. As tempting as it sounds, that’s not how it’s done.”
“That’s not how what is done?” Laney asks, frowning at me.
“Family,” I say. “There are rules for building a family. Easton, Jagger and me? We don’t fit any of those rules.”
“Who cares about the rules?” Jules says defiantly. “Who says you have to do things the way everyone else does them? Especially if it’s not aligned with who you are inside?” She says the words so passionately. I know she’s thinking about her own unusual family situation.
Tammy vigorously shakes her head. “Most people do most of the things they do the way they do them, because that’s the way the people around them do it. If you asked them for one logical reason for the choices they make on a daily basis, they wouldn’t be able to give it to you.”
“Wow. That was really deep.” Laney sniffles, wiping the back of her hand across her nose.
“I’ve been reading my self-help books.” Tammy grins proudly.
Jules bobs her head approvingly and smiles. “Nice. Proud of you, girl.”
“Thanks to my crusty ex-husband, I’m in a steady and committed relationship with the self-help aisle at the local bookstore.
” We all chuckle. Tammy exhales harshly, growing serious again.
“Here’s the thing—every soul requires a different prescription.
So how about you just listen to the little girl who’s hiding beneath the years and years of social expectations? What does that little girl want?”
“She wants Easton…” I admit, my voice hoarse and cracked.
Mom bumps her shoulder into mine. “Then you’re going to have to figure out how to make things work with your man.”