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“Why? I should think you are popular with any lady, and I rather doubt you have practiced abstinence over the course of your adult life.” Why couldn’t she stop her penchant for plain speaking?

Where was this wildness coming from? That wasn’t the woman she’d been since marrying her husband, but then, perhaps now that she was free and out of mourning, she was merely remembering the woman she was meant to be all along.

It was quite confusing as well as frustrating.

“I, uh…” Edward tugged at the knot of his cravat.

“I have had my fair share of mistresses, this is true.” Seconds later, he lowered his voice.

“I have also been involved heavily in the House of Lords as well as other causes. Then there is my club.” He shrugged.

“I suppose when I go back and look at it, the years were filled with unfulfilling things, but this isn’t the proper conversation for a genteel lady. ”

“They weren’t unfulfilling if you gained a lesson from them. However, I have been that for far too long, and what did it gain me? A husband in love with his mistress for years, a son who hides his emotions by staying at school with his fellows, and two daughters I have had to bury and mourn.”

Was nothing sacred? Why couldn’t she keep aspects of her life private from this man?

The earl’s eyes widened. “I…” For the space of a few heartbeats, he took refuge in drinking his second cup of coffee. “I’m so sorry; I had no idea of the hardships you’ve suffered. Kitty didn’t tell me.”

“She didn’t know.” Feeling suddenly restless, Nancy left the sofa and drifted to the window.

“We are not close friends, but we do enjoy a companionship, and at times, meeting her and having outings with your sister have been all that has kept me uplifted over the past two years. I think that is why she invited me here. She knows I’ve been lonely and have hidden myself away from society for far too long. ”

“I understand that concern. Her husband—my best friend—has taken me to task for nearly the same thing.”

How interesting. Why would he wish to hide from society, other than being forced into a marriage? Then an unladylike snort escaped her. “Fear not. I never told her what occurred between the two of us either. She only knows that we met once but didn’t suit.”

“Then that leads us naturally into the next subject.” His voice sounded from directly behind her, and she startled, for she hadn’t been aware he’d followed her.

“Why did you decide to give me the cut direct all those years ago after refusing my suit? It wasn’t as if such a thing didn’t happen all the time.

You had a choice in whether you wished to marry a man or not, despite what your parents wanted. ”

Well, drat. How long have I feared this day would come?

“I…” A sigh escaped her, and she rested a palm against the window glass.

Outside, on the snow-covered lawn, a couple of deer crept out from the wooded area to go exploring, no doubt to find food.

“I didn’t like how arrogant you were, how you treated your friends, or that you assumed I would fall at your feet in gratitude that you’d asked me to marry you. ”

Where she assumed he would show annoyance, he merely nodded, and she watched his reflection in the window glass.

“I can certainly understand how I came off as that sort of man, but you must understand, I was a nodcock then. At five and twenty, I was arrogant. I thought that being the heir to an earldom made me better than others, that I could have any woman I wanted.”

“That wasn’t the case?”

“Far from it. In fact, that thinking only led to shallow, empty interactions with nearly everyone I’d ever known. None of them connected with me on a deeper level.”

That was a surprising admission, but perhaps they were both owed that.

“I understand, which was one of the reasons I had to turn down your suit. I didn’t love you, couldn’t fathom marrying a man without at least that.

” Then she blew out a breath and laughed, but couldn’t quite keep the bitterness from that sound.

“In the end, my own thinking was flawed, for I threw you over to marry a man where there was absolutely no love present.”

“If you had known that in advance, would you have wed me?” An odd light of hope appeared in his eyes but vanished with his next blink.

Would she? “I might have taken the chance.” Nancy glanced away as embarrassment warmed her cheeks.

“My husband made a fool of me, but the difference there? You wouldn’t have done the same, even if we’d never fallen in love with each other.

I don’t know how I know, but you would have had more integrity than that. ”

For long moments, he regarded her, and when she returned her gaze to his, speculation shadowed his dark eyes. “Thank you for that, and I am sorry your life didn’t turn out as you’d hoped.”

“Thank you.” She nodded. “Have you changed, then? Are you a different man?” Would it make a difference to her now?

“I would like to hope so.” The sound of rustling fabric indicated he must have shrugged or shifted his stance.

“Much of that came about when Kitty let Reggie illicitly court her last summer. Watching their romance bloom and seeing how in love they were with each other forced me to change my thinking on more than a few things.”

“Oh?” Slowly, she turned to face him, was startled again at just how close he stood to her. So close, in fact, that the scent of his shaving soap teased her nose. “And are you enjoying the man you are becoming?”

“Actually, I am.” The surprise in his eyes was genuine.

“I realized that I had been harsh in some aspects of my dealings with others, and I had also been flippant and uncaring. While it had gained me attention and friends, none of that enhanced my life and they were very shallow, with the exception of Reggie.” Emotions flitted across his face.

“In truth, I want to be more like him, because he is true, what every man should strive to be.”

“What a lovely revelation to have.” She eased her gaze over his jaw and the ruggedness therein, wishing she had the courage—and the privacy—to perhaps dance her fingertips there.

He was so much more… solid and manly than he’d been as a young man all those years ago.

What would a kiss from him feel like now?

“I’m glad for you. Perhaps that will help you in your search for a wife. ”

“Perhaps, if there is such a woman who can arrest my attention. That has been the problem over the years.” The odd intensity in his eyes both intrigued and puzzled her.

“I suppose the question of the moment is this, and especially since you are here at this house party.” He rubbed a hand along the side of his face.

“Do you believe that you and I can begin a new relationship? If we set aside the embarrassment from the past and recognize that we aren’t the same people we used to be, do you believe we can move forward this Christmastide with some semblance of friendship? ”

Was that too much to ask or was it expected from a man who’d changed since the last time she’d known him?

“I think that would be acceptable.” She put a hand to her throat, for it was difficult to breathe while this close to him. “If you can forgive my occasional bursts into bitterness.”

“You have every right to your feelings.” Then he slowly grinned, and it loosed queer little butterflies in her lower belly. “I would like the chance for a renewed friendship with you. Over the years, I have had precious little true friends.”

For whatever reason, a tiny bubble of giddiness rose in her chest as she nodded.

“That is how I’ve felt about my own life.

Perhaps this Christmastide season won’t be as horrid as I originally thought…

as long as you don’t force me into playing parlor games.

I’m not good at them, and I don’t like being the center of attention. ”

He chuckled, and the sound tickled through her insides. “Neither do I have that sort of skill, but I wouldn’t mind watching the others, especially my sisters, partake.”

A semblance of peace came over her, and she gave him a hesitant smile. “I look forward to seeing how the house party gets along.” Even if she wasn’t certain of him, but then, that didn’t matter with a friendship.

Did it?