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It would do no good to tell his sister that, at times, he felt he wasn’t as good an earl as his father was, that he wasn’t as good a man, that he was doing his best, but it always seemed as if something were missing.
“I don’t claim to be an expert at the subject of love considering I only discovered its meaning in all the ways that matter earlier this year.
” She patted his chest once more before lowering her hand.
“However, I do know that it’s worth chasing.
And if you have carried a torch for a woman for as long as you have, you shouldn’t waste any more time.
The life you have always wanted is on the other side of fear, Edward. Don’t let that feeling bully you.”
Her words made much sense. “Do you speak from experience on fear?”
“I do.” She nodded as tears misted her eyes. “Before I said yes to Reginald, I was terrified of marriage. I assumed it would become a prison of sorts, that being his wife would clip my wings and prevent me from doing what I wanted or meeting my own goals.”
That was an interesting glimpse into her life. “What changed your mind?”
“He did.” When she shrugged, she smiled, but a few tears fell to her cheeks, which thoroughly confused him. “Reginald explained to me that he loved me, and he didn’t wish to hold me captive. He only wanted to support me in everything I did.”
“Which he has, I assume?” Hell, wouldn’t he know if Reg had been lying?
“In so many ways.” Slowly, she shook her head even as awe shadowed her eyes.
“He is the most wonderful man I have ever met, and what I feel for him? Well, it makes no sense, but it’s there all the same.
” She raised her gaze to his. “That man loves me even on my worst days, and that means… everything.”
Damnation but he wanted that sort of security, that kind of love. “Do you think that Nancy will…?” He didn’t have the courage to finish the inquiry.
“You will never know until you try.” Then she scrubbed at the moisture on her cheeks with her free hand while clutching the rabbit fur muff to her chest. “May I tell you a secret? I have been bursting to tell someone and wanted to make an announcement tomorrow…”
Immediately, his chest tightened. He steeled himself for bad news. “Are you well?”
“Yes.” When she nodded, her eyes sparkled with happiness, and another wave of tears fell to her cheeks. “I am increasing, Edward. Just over three months along. You should have a new niece or nephew in early June.”
“What?” Shock took hold of him as he stared. “My little sister is going to be a mother,” he said in a soft voice. “That’s wonderful. Reg didn’t tell me.”
“We wanted it to be our Christmas present to the family. Please don’t let on that you know. I want him to have that moment tomorrow morning at breakfast.”
“Of course.” Then, because he didn’t know what else to do, Edward tugged her into his arms and hugged her. “I’m so proud of you, Kitty. Mama and Papa would have been as well.” When he set her away from him, he grinned like a fool. “I shall remain anxious for you until June.”
“Do stop.” Once more, she wiped her cheeks. “Reginald is beside himself with joy. He will make a wonderful father, I think.”
“I know he will.” Despite his happiness for his sister, he couldn’t help but feel a stab of envy. Had he wasted too much time to have that for himself?
“Edward?”
“Hmm?” He snapped his attention back to Kitty’s face.
“As thrilled as I am with the possibility of being a mother, I am frightened as well, but you know what? I am going to do this anyway, and if I can carry this child and bear it, you can declare your feelings to Nancy. We will both face fear together.”
That sobered him, and he nodded. “Leave it to my little sister to show me up.” Yet it felt as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. “I promise I will talk to Nancy at some point tonight. Will that satisfy you?”
“It will.” She grasped his fingers and then released his hand. “I should join the others outside. They’ll wonder what happened to me.”
“Do you think that sledding is a good idea, in your condition?”
“I hadn’t planned to actually do any sledding, only watch the children and perhaps catch them at the bottom of the hill.
” Her smile was serene. “Don’t worry. I won’t do anything to harm the babe, so don’t argue.
I’ve already told Reginald not to treat me as if I’m made of crystal. That applies to you as well.”
A chuckle escaped Edward’s throat. “I quite understand.” He made a shooing motion with his hand. “Go. Enjoy yourself. I need to make my rounds and see for myself all the preparations for the ball are nearly complete.”
She nodded. “I shall see you tonight. Save me a dance.”
“I will.” He turned back to the window. The children had vacated the lawn, but in their place a couple of deer tramped over the snow as they moved to the other side of the property.
What the devil would he even say to Nancy to convince her that he wanted marriage and everything that would entail, especially after her last union was so horrid that she might not wish to repeat the experience?
If this is truly the season of miracles, please set aside one for me.