Page 28 of Silver Linings

fifteen

. . .

This may be the most idiotic thing I’ve ever done.

Silver asked me to keep things platonic—and I have. For the most part, at least. I swear, friendship is all I’m thinking about as I pause outside the threshold of Brownstone Books, thinking over this decision before I go in.

When I asked her earlier this week if she planned on keeping the name of the store the same, a fleeting panic crossed her features before she wiped it away with a smile before she noncommittally shrugged and said she hadn’t decided yet.

I pretended not to notice, but I haven’t stopped thinking of that look since.

My brain started concocting ways to keep that look from ever sneaking onto her lovely face ever again, before chastising myself for not being able to keep her off my mind for long.

I’m trying to honor her wishes but our evenings spent sanding, painting, and talking are my favorite part of the day. She is my favorite part of the day.

I felt like a different person around her.

My shoulder felt looser, smiles came easier.

Over the past two years, I had become accustomed to living without Maddox, and I was slowly starting to realize it wasn’t living at all—it was surviving.

And now that I’ve had a taste of what life could be like, I want more, and now, she doesn’t.

When she told me we needed to stay just friends, it felt like a punch to the gut, a bone-deep disappointment I worked overtime to not show on my face.

I suspected her need to keep things amicable was out of self-preservation.

Despite the fact that there was something inherently unfriendly about the way I would catch her looking at me over the last couple weeks.

If all she wants from me is friendship, that’s what she’ll get.

I’ll be the best damn friend she’s ever had, and friends show up to their friend’s book clubs.

Taking a deep breath, I step inside to the sound of raucous laughter, Silver’s bright voice ringing out over the crowd.

Everyone is enthralled with her—or maybe I’m projecting, but every eye seems laser-focused on what she’s saying. There’s around thirty people here all crammed into the small space. They pushed the tables that line the center of the store off to the sides to make room for chairs.

Luck is on my side, because it’s standing room only by the time I arrive, so she hasn’t noticed I’ve slipped inside yet.

Silver is striking in a hot pink satin skirt that reaches her mid-calf and a multi-colored stripe sweater molded to her torso.

The combination is loud and demands your attention, just like she does.

She captivates the audience with no fear, totally in her element, hands gesticulating as she speaks animatedly about whatever book they read.

She is the most beautiful person I have ever seen.

I shift over to the right, where there’s a small table with refreshments, and grab myself a cup of coffee supplied by Respect the Drip.

I lean with my back against the entrance door frame, content to watch Silver monopolize everyone’s attention, magnetic and engaging. She works the room after each question, listening while people provide their thoughts on what sounds like a romance. But swords were mentioned so, maybe a fantasy?

She checks her notes, and addresses the crowd.

“Okay, there were a lot of different themes throughout Forged by Fire , but my favorite by far was the slow burn. It felt like I was slowly being tortured. Every time I was about to set the book down and go to bed, I got roped back in thinking they were about to finally break the tension. I literally started screaming at the book at one point, begging them to kiss, fight or fuck.” The crowd laughs at her fervor, but I can see a slight flush creep onto her cheeks.

“But I’m curious to know what your favorite themes or tropes were? ”

I take a long pull from my coffee, belatedly hoping it’s decaf, as someone to my left responds to Silver’s prompt.

“Personally, I loved that Finn had two dicks.”

Several people are murmuring their assent as I start choking on my drink.

I’m fighting for my life, aggressively coughing around my shocked sputters, when everyone in the room turns to look in my direction.

My eyes connect with ones of aquamarine, and a slow, mischievous smile engulfs Silver’s face.

“Are you okay, Harrington?” She challenges.

I work hard to catch my breath. “Perfect, thank you, Saffron.”

Her eyes glint, and we hold each other’s stare, completely unaware of the tension filling the room as several eyes bounce back and forth between the two of us.

“Carmen,” continuing to hold my gaze, she calls out to the young woman who just borderline killed me, “can you elaborate on what you said?”

She’s teasing me on purpose.

“Absolutely. I could filibuster this particular topic.” She stands and makes her way to the front next to Silver and Holly.

The latter introduces her as the shop’s part-time bookseller and in-house monster smut expert.

“First, I think we need to address the fact that he is the Orc village’s blacksmith.

That may not be relevant to the double peen situation, but it is hot. Metaphorically and literally.”

The audience collectively bursts into laughter, with several people hollering in agreement.

Joy emanates around the room for the rest of the evening.

Everyone is making new friends, laughing together, forgetting their troubles, and it’s all because Silver had an idea.

She brought all these people together. She had a part in the story of the friendships formed tonight.

This thing that has brought her anxiety and fear has also brought community.

I don’t think she even realizes it.

So, I take it all in for her. I listen to every question and answer.

I have no idea what the hell they’re talking about the whole night, but I know in my bones that I’ll read every book from here on out.

For her.

I hang back at the entrance to the store while Silver, Holly, and Carmen all chat with various members of the book club at the back.

There’s a signup sheet for the next meeting, and nearly everyone who attended today has signed up to come again next month.

One thing is undeniable: each person left feeling lighter than when they came in, myself included.

When the last person shuffles out, Silver makes her way towards me, and damn, if my heartbeat doesn’t pick up just a little.

The satin of her skirt swishes against her hips with each step in my direction, and I try my damndest to not stare for too long. I fail miserably, and she definitely notices, if the smirk on her face is anything to go by.

“What did you think of Forged by Fire ?” A wicked glint dances through her eyes knowing I was completely blindsided by the subject material.

“I’m considering a career change. It would seem metalsmiths are more popular than maintenance techs, based on everyone’s reaction tonight.”

“I don’t know… I can think of one maintenance tech I kinda like.” She holds my stare, not backing down. Always bold. Always sure of herself and what she wants.

“Yeah?” I swallow.

“Yeah.” She smiles. “I really miss Sal.”

A laugh explodes out of me, and her resounding giggle does me in further.

“How are you feeling about tonight?” I nod to the empty seats scattered everywhere. Cups and napkins litter the floor from where Silver told people to leave them for her to pick up later.

“It’s actually incredible.” She beams. “I knew we had some signups, but I didn’t expect that many. Could you tell I was nervous?” She glances down at her shoes shyly.

I shake my head. “You were a natural,” I reassure her.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” I parrot softly back to her.

It’s insane to me that someone who exudes such effortless confidence is doubting herself after an objectively successful night. It makes me wonder how much of what she projects to the world is real and what’s for show.

“I was a little apprehensive that all the unfinished projects would put some people off, but no one seemed to mind.” She gives a contented little sigh as she scans her eyes around the room.

We’ve made good progress over the last week, but we’re only a third of the way done with repairing all the shelves, which means two thirds of the furniture throughout the store is well-worn and walnut brown while the third we’ve repaired this week are pristine and a crisp white.

Finishing the bookshelves in addition to some repairs to the tables, floors, and the staircase leading up to the second floor will keep us busy for a while.

I’m assuming it’ll take another few weeks of work to get this place exactly how she wants it.

And I’m perfectly content with extending that timeframe if it means more time with Silver.

“Why did you come?” she blurts out after a prolonged silence while fiddling with the gold pendant hanging off her neck.

How honest should I be?

I came because I can’t stop thinking about you.

I came because I wanted to hear your laugh and see you smile.

I came because even though I tried to push you away, you burrowed into my bloodstream, and I can’t excise you. I don’t want to.

“We’re friends. I wanted to make sure you had a good turnout. It would seem I didn’t need to come at all.” I reach my hand to scratch the back of my neck.

She’s looking pointedly away from me but has a slight tinge of pink at the top of her cheekbones.

“Let me help you clean up,” I offer.

She stiffens a little. Barely perceptible, but I caught it.

“Oh…that’s okay. There isn’t much to do, and you’ve already done so much to help me this week.” She tries to brush off the rejection with a nonchalant wave of her hand and a smile plastered to her face.

“I don’t mind,” I attempt to assure her without making her feel pressured.

She plays with the gold chain hanging off her neck, zipping the small pendant back and forth.

“I appreciate the offer, but it’s not necessary.

You’ve done so much for the store already.

You should enjoy the rest of your weekend, free of this place.

” I can see the walls going up around her body like a concrete fence.

Part of me wants to poke and prod, force her to let me in, but I don’t.

Friends . I’m starting to resent the word.

“Well then, thank you for an…illuminating evening.” She chuckles under her breath and looks up at me from beneath lowered lashes.

“I’ll see you on Monday, Susanna.”

“See you Monday, Hank.”

I say a quick goodbye to Holly and Carmen and step out into the cool night air, even though all I want to do is stay.

I’m a few blocks away from the store when I realize it’s after ten at night, and I’ve left Silver to walk home alone.

I’m not an idiot; I know she grew up in New York and knows these streets better than anyone.

But something is niggling me in my stomach to turn around and go back, to see her home safely.

Another part of me is screaming that I’m being a territorial brute who needs to back off. She made it clear she wants to be alone, but the voice in my head is persistent, yelling at me to double back and walk her home.

The city is pulsing around me, completely unaware of the internal battle I’m fighting. People stumble in and out of bars, the bass from the music blasting out of cars zooming by, friends arm in arm, laughing with each other as they walk around me.

I’ve stopped dead in the middle of the block and started pacing in circles, brain waring against my heart as uneasiness grips me in its clutches. Go home or go back for her. Maybe I’ll just double back to make sure she’s alright, she doesn’t even have to know I came back to check on her.

Turning around, I head back to Brownstone Books. Back to Silver.

I just have to hope she won’t feel like I overstepped.

When I’m halfway back to the store, I run into Holly and Carmen.

“Hey, Hen!” Carmen shouts at me. “What did you think about tonight?”

“I loved it. I want all future book recommendations from you.” I look behind them, hoping to see Silver coming around the corner after them, but she’s not there. “Is Silver not with you?”

“No, she sent us away. She knows I’m on deadline, and Carmen is on her way to a party. We tried to stay and help, but she insisted she could lock up on her own,” Holly answers.

“Right, okay, thanks. I’ll see you guys next week.” The churning in my gut has gotten worse. The only thing keeping it at bay was the hope the girls were there with her.

I step around them. “She’s probably still cleaning or about to close up. You should be able to catch her.” There’s a knowing glint in Holly’s eyes, but I don’t have time to consider it. It’s obvious she knows I’m gone for her friend.

Everything is okay—it has to be—but the sinking feeling in my gut won’t go away, so I hasten my steps. I’m only a couple blocks from the store, heading towards the quieter and much less populated block the store resides on.

I round the corner of the street and stop dead in my tracks, understanding the gut feeling I had.

My blood runs cold at the sight of Silver halfway down the block, fighting off an attacker, and a fear I’ve only experienced one other time seizes my body before I take off like a rocket toward my girl.