Page 16 of Silver Linings

nine

. . .

The pit in my stomach hasn’t left since I secluded myself to the bar.

Seeing Silver’s date put his hand on her thigh elicited a very primal reaction in me.

Which is stupid—I have zero claim to her, and she isn’t mine to feel possessive over, I know that.

But seeing the polished up frat boy touch her with brazen familiarity sets my teeth on edge.

She didn’t push him away. Why would she?

She’s single and he’s attractive, nice, and isn’t weighed down by the rules of his job or traumatic past.

No fraternization with the tenants.

A rule that when informed of, held zero weight over me.

But day by day, it becomes harder to abide by, even as it serves to remind me that as much as I may like Silver, I’m not allowed to go there.

Seeing her with a date tonight was a surprise, but it’s something I’ll have to get used to.

I can’t avoid her completely since I work where she lives.

But fuck , if it doesn’t grate.

She looks… devastating tonight. Every day, she looks perfect—bright and colorful and full of life.

But tonight? She looks sinful and sexy and…

forbidden . Siren green eyes are lined with a smokey black liner, and her platinum hair falls around her bare shoulders in soft, voluminous waves.

Painted on black jeans hug her round ass and offset a shiny pink top that shows off a sliver of her stomach, dipping low between her breasts, and accented with a gold necklace glinting under the strobe lights, making every part of my body ache.

Watching her with the buttoned-up guy to her right feels like a slow torture, especially when she laughs at something he says, her eyes scrunching at the corners and her lips curving upward. I want that light, need that light, can’t have that light.

She’s like the sun, and I’m the cloud threatening to cover her rays.

Irritated at myself, I throw back the rest of my beer and signal for the bartender to bring me another, hoping it will help me forget the sight of Silver crawling across the stage.

I glance around, aptly avoiding Silver and her date, and see that Jae is no longer chatting to Holly and Sera but is now flirting with a bachelorette party on the opposite side of the room. Yes, the whole party.

The barkeep stops over with a fresh beer for me, and I thank her and turn to face the room.

As much as I don’t want to, my eyes keep drifting back towards Silver, like her mere presence in the room demands my attention.

The strobe lights are arching across the room and dancing over her skin in a kaleidoscope of endless possibilities, drawing my eyes to her on a never-ending loop.

I try not to make it obvious as I watch them.

John has his hand rested on her thigh, and it makes me want to break something, but at least she’s not touching him back.

She’s smiling and laughing, but there’s something about her body language that feels…

off, like something is bothering her. I know what her real smiles look like, have been an undeserving receiver of them.

She always burns brightly, but right now, that fire feels dimmed.

Is it him? Or something else? Am I just imagining it because I don’t want her to be into him?

As if she can sense my eyes on her, she looks up, catching my gaze.

Neither of us backs down. We stare at each other for what feels like an eternity.

It’s bliss—it’s agony. Everyone and everything else fading away, and we’re the only ones left in the room.

Then I see it, just there, behind the eyes: a sense of something that isn’t right, something she’s trying really hard to cover up with smiles and laughter.

I want to ask her about it, dive into her head and extract all the bad out so she doesn’t have to remember it, so nothing will mar her happiness and dull her shine.

But that’s not my place. I break our eye contact first and turn back around to face the hundreds of bottles lining against the wall.

I should leave. Irish goodbye my way out of here.

I’m about to ask to pay my tab when someone sits down next to me. I think it’s going to be Jae, but it turns out to be Kena.

He drags his chair closer to me and takes a seat. “June, my love!” He calls out to the bartender, who comes gliding over at his call.

“Baby, you are four sheets to the wind. Don’t tell me you’re about to order another drink,” June says in a thick Southern accent.

Mock affronted, Kena grasps at his chest and then reaches out his other hand to grasp mine. “Junie, I am perfectly sober enough to have a shot with my new brother wife here.” He pats my chest as I choke down the sip of beer I had just taken.

“Alright, fine. But I’m getting Julien if you get too wild. You remember what happened last time.”

“That was one tiny, minuscule, some might say, fire. I put it out and replaced the drapes. You can’t hold it against me forever,” he harrumphs at her pouting.

“I can and I will. Now, what do you want?”

“Two Slippery Nipples.” He flashes me a bright wide smile as I cough into my fist.

June leaves to go to make our shots.

“Brother wife?” I ask, curious as to what exactly he means.

“Mhmmm,” he hums, not bothering to elaborate. I see him glance back to Silver, and I follow his gaze. She’s bumping shoulders with Julien, singing along to the song the person on stage is wailing while her date is on his phone. Ridiculous that he could focus on anything but her.

Kena notices me and where my gaze has wandered.

“She likes you, you know.”

“She can’t.”

“But she does, and she doesn’t ever like men.” I look at John, and he catches me clocking the movement. “Don’t get me wrong, she has… friends , but only ever for a night. She doesn’t let it go farther than that.”

The thought of John being one of those friends makes me grind my teeth and white-knuckle my beer bottle.

I deflect and nod towards her and John, trying not to let a vague tint of bitterness color my tone. “They seem to be getting along.”

“Oh, please. I don’t know why he’s here, but I know Silver. He’s only here because she doesn’t think you’re interested.”

I whip my head to him. “She said that?”

He grins, knowing he’s caught me in some quasi admission. “She didn’t have to. You, however, have come up in casual conversation multiple times now, and I don’t think she even realized she mentioned you.”

“That doesn’t mean anything, and it doesn’t matter because I can’t go there. So if she does feel something, she’ll have to get over it.”

He shakes his head. “You’re both so stubborn, unwilling to admit to any sort of feeling.”

“There are no feelings.” My molars grind against each other. There can’t be any feelings, and someone like her deserves better than me.

He studies the side of my face. “Right. Of course, I must have misread every time I saw you staring at her tonight.”

I remain quiet. Resolute.

June comes barreling back over. “Sorry! Got a little swamped at the end there, but here you go.” She sets two tall shot glasses down in front of us filled with a tan, creamy liquid. “Two Slippery Nipples to wet your whistle.” She walks away to help other customers before I can thank her.

“What’s in this?” I lift the glass, eyeing the concoction with skepticism.

“It’s better you don’t know. Okay! Time to cheers.” Kena picks up his shot, holding it out towards mine. “To new beginnings and stepping out of comfort zones.”

He’s more on the nose than he could ever possibly imagine. I nod my head and smile before clinking my glass against his, tapping it on the bar, and then tossing back the drink.

“Fuck,” I choke. “That was vile.”

Kena swallows his shot and throws his arms in the air while dancing in his seat.

“Kena! You’re up again,” the MC calls him over, and he hops off the stool.

He holds his hand out to me. “Let’s go, brother wife.”

“No. No way.” He can’t force me to do this. I won’t go up there and embarrass myself in front of Silver and her stupid date. No way in hell.

“Nope. Not an option. Get that delectable ass off the stool, stop moping, and let’s go have some fun.” He grabs my hand with surprising strength and drags me off my seat towards the stage against my will.

“Kena, I don’t want to do this.” He’s not listening to me.

I’m starting to panic a little, knowing I’m about to make a fool of myself.

When we get up there, he turns to me, deadly serious. “Tell me, brother wife, are you familiar with Disney Channel Original Movies?”

I roll my eyes, trying for a shred of false bravado to bolster my nerves. “I grew up with a sister who made us watch them constantly.”

“Don’t act like you didn’t love them.”

He turns and shows the venue MC his song of choice before leading us out to the center of the stage and hands me a mic.

“Alright, Spotlight! We’ve got a virgin here, so be gentle with him.” He winks at the crowd and then nods to the man to start the music and video feed.

“I’m Isabella, and you can be Lizzie. I’ll offer background vocals for support.

Time to shine for our girl.” I’m momentarily confused before the opening notes of the song starts playing, and I realize he’s selected ‘What Dreams Are Made Of’ from The Lizzie McGuire Movie .

It was one of Laurel’s favorites growing up…

and mine because I had a crush on Lizzie.

She used to make Maddox and I watch it constantly.

A pang of sadness hits me over missing my sister before I realize it’s my part to come in, and the opening notes chase away the feeling, replacing it with reluctant but genuine fun.

I start singing, voice shaking slightly as I try not to think about all the people watching me or the nausea churning in my gut. It’s not bad, but it’s not good either. I look over to Kena, and he’s nodding encouragingly while dancing off to the side, just like Isabella does for Lizzie.