Page 46

CHAPTER 46

CHANGE IS GOOD

THEODORE

M y mind keeps floating back to last night. Jax said he loves me. I think he has for a while now, but he’s been too mad, too scared I’d hurt him again. Too… untrusting. And honestly, I don’t blame him. But everything has changed. We’ve changed. I’ve changed.

It took a while but Jackson Baker has changed who I am. And I’m all the better for it.

It’s only been a few weeks, and sure, it didn’t start the way I hoped it would have, but this marriage, our marriage, has brought me a level of peace I didn’t even know existed.

I didn’t have much to compare it to. None of my relationships in life have been overly serious, and the one I had with Bridget was, well, we don’t need to get into that today. But it’s safe to say Jax isn’t like any of them. He makes my life easier. He makes my life whole. I look forward to coming home to him every day. Every one of his little quirks—yes even the fact that he feels the need to listen to videos on his phone at max volume—make me love him even more.

I think about it all as I stare at myself in the full-length mirror as I button my tan suit pants followed by tucking in my white shirt. I’m in the loft above the barn while Jax is getting ready in his old room inside of the house. Jax protested at the idea of getting ready separately, stating that we were already married, but all Catherine had to do was give him one look and he folded. He was right… he really can’t handle that face.

I do my best to style my hair in the messy and tousled way I know Jax loves before sliding my glasses onto my face. Once I’m satisfied with my appearance, I pick the finishing touch up off the counter. My tie. My mom picked out mine, and Catherine picked out Jackson’s. Mine is a burnt-orange color with what looks like small white daisies scattered throughout.

I used to pick the daisies that would bloom around the vineyard in the spring when I was a child. I would bring my mom endless bouquets of them. And she never threw a single one away. There were times where our entire house would smell of nothing but daisies.

For a moment, tears sting my eyes while I finish situating my tie around my neck.

I can’t cry. Not yet.

Taking one last look in the mirror, I grab my wallet out of my jeans pocket that is lying across the back of the chair and pull out the handwritten note with my vows on it. Flopping down on the couch, I open the piece of paper I’ve had folded up in my wallet since the day after I called Jackson’s mom to plan all of this—I realize it’s no use fighting the tears. Not today.

Clearing my throat, I whisper:

Jax.

I never thought this would be us.

You’ve given me everything, even when all I gave you was nothing.

You’ve shown me that it’s okay to be me and to chase the things that I want in life. Regardless of what anyone says or does.

I have spent so long living under the weight of everyone else’s opinions and expectations, but because of you I know what it means to live a life that’s worth living.

You have given me the greatest gift of all. A life filled with hopes and dreams. A life that is unlike anything I could have ever imagined.

We have spent long enough wanting and loving in secret. And from this day forward, I promise to love you loud and with everything I have, now and until the end of time. I don’t know what I have done to deserve meeting you, but I will be forever grateful I moved into that little yellow house across the street.

I love you, Jackson Baker.

I’m fully sobbing now. Tears are streaming down my cheeks when I hear my mom’s voice. “Theo? Baby, are you in here?”

My voice cracks when I answer her, “Yeah… in here, Mom.”

The door opens. “What’s wrong?” She’s by my side, sitting beside me on the couch before I can even brush away the stray tear that’s escaped.

I huff a faint laugh. “I was just reading my vows and got emotional… it’s nothing, really.” She wraps me up in her arms, and the tears pour out of me again. The dam’s burst open, cracked down the middle, and there’s no use in fighting it. “I-I don’t know what I did to deserve Jax, Mom.”

She wipes a hand down the back of my head, as a soft shushing sound falls from her lips. Just like she did when I was little and I would fall and scrape my knee. “You even saying that out loud shows that you do deserve him. I may not know him well, but I do know you. And I see it when you look at him. I see how irrevocably in love you are. He deserves a love like that. And so do you, my boy.”

“I was so awful to him, Mom.”

“That’s in the past now, Theo. You can either drown in your regrets or use them to help you swim toward a better future. If he’s forgiven you, then why can’t you forgive yourself?” I stare at her as the tears begin to slow. “Jackson helped save you from what would have been a loveless marriage. Everything happens for a reason, even if it feels bad at the moment. You have come such a long way, and I am so so proud of you.” Mom wipes the tears from my cheeks, before taking a deep breath, silently instructing me to follow her lead. So I do.

“Thank you, Mom,” I whisper.

“I will always be here for you, Theodore. I will always be here to support what makes you happy.” Leaning over, I kiss her softly on the cheek. She smiles softly. “Now, are you ready to go get yourself married? Again?”

* * *

My dad is on one side and my mom is on the other as we step up to the end of the aisle for what was supposed to be a small ceremony.

I can attest it is anything but small.

All of Billings must be here… but Catherine didn’t stop there.

No, most of the familiar faces from Palm University seem to be here, too, including Austin, Emma, and Lizzie. The entire Campos family is even here… and Coach Taylor.

Jax was right, Catherine really does know everyone.

I fidget nervously as I hear everyone mingling on the other side of the barn doors. And when I say barn I use that term very loosely. It’s more like a fabulously rustic event hall that just happens to look like a barn on the outside. I don’t know what they usually use this space for, but it sure as hell isn’t for cows.

? * The acoustic version of “Sun to Me” sung by MGK begins to play in the barn, and despite the fact that we’re already married, I can feel myself break out in a sweat. I just want to see him. And even though I know he’s standing just in the hallway to my right, I feel as if we’re miles apart. My parents thread their arms through mine, and when my mom softly strokes my forearm with her thumb, I can finally feel my heart rate slow.

“Ready, son?” I look over to my dad who has the proudest smile on his face, and I can say, without a shadow of a doubt, I now feel more ready for my new life than I could have ever hoped.

The doors open and the three of us slowly make our way to the end of the aisle. Mom places a kiss on my cheek, then Dad wraps his other arm around me in a hug that’s going to have me sobbing yet again. They find their seats and place their eyes on the entrance as we all wait for Jax.

I see Jax turn the corner and start walking down the aisle towards me, and my breath stills in my chest.

Time stands still.

The world I thought I knew ceases to exist.

And the only thing I can seem to think of is, there is no one else I’d rather have walking down that aisle toward me than Jackson Baker.

* ? Sun to me - mgk