Page 19

CHAPTER 19

MONTANA.

THEODORE

I t’s officially summer. Graduation was just a couple of days ago, and all of the sports teams are officially done with their seasons. Even though I’m employed by the school, my job doesn’t require me to be on campus during summer break unless specifically requested. And Bridget just so happens to be gone on business again so I’ve been enjoying some much needed me time.

To say it’s been peaceful is an understatement.

? * But it doesn’t take my mind off of him…

I need to find a way to explain to him my situation with Bridget, but in that same breath, what would I even say?

“I’ve known her since we were kids. Our parents made us get together, and I’m too much of a people pleaser to say no and stand up for myself or for anything that I want.”

No, that’s embarrassing. And what’s more is Jax still won’t give a shit. Because that does nothing to explain the fact that I didn’t tell him about Bridget and led him on for over a year.

For what?

Sometimes I still don’t understand why myself.

Why, so I could sit in my dream house and work my dream job and have no one to celebrate with? Bridget certainly doesn’t care. The only thing my parents want is for me to quit and run their fucking vineyard. And I won’t let Jackson care.

But despite how hard I pushed him away, he did care. He cared about me, despite hardly even knowing me. Despite me acting like a grade-A asshole. Despite me pushing him away at every turn.

And the worst thing is… I know if I would have let him in he would have been my biggest cheerleader.

He could have been the person I celebrated with, and the worst part is, he would have wanted to. It wouldn’t have been fake or forced. He wouldn’t have been by my side out of obligation. No, he would have been there because there’s no place he would have rather been.

Because that’s just who Jackson Baker is.

The kind of person that would celebrate a win for anyone he cares about. He would throw some kind of party just for the occasion and would love every minute of it.

And I hurt that person.

I hear what sounds like car doors opening and shutting across the street, and my feet take me to the front of my house without my brain even having to think about it. I need to see him like my body needs its next breath. But what I see is Jax loading up the trunk of his car with entirely too many bags.

And just like my feet carried me to the window, they carry me through my front door, across the street, and into Jax’s driveway.

Utterly panicked, I blurt out, “Where are you going? I thought you were staying for another year?”

He side-eyes me but doesn’t stop loading his bags into the car. “My whereabouts have absolutely nothing to do with you, now do they?” He sounds completely dejected. Fuck, I hate this.

“Well… No… I guess not. But?—”

“Goddamnit!” He slams a bag on the ground. “You’re engaged, Theo! What do you not understand?”

I pull his arm toward me to try and get his attention, but he yanks it out of my grasp. “Jackson. If you’d just listen to me for a second. Bridget and I—We’re—It’s not—” I inhale a breath. “Bridget and my engagement is our?—”

He cuts me off before I can finish my thought. “This is my one chance to redo last year,” he seethes. Reaching up, he tugs at his hair with both hands in frustration. “I don’t need you constantly trying to ruin it for me when you have no intention of actually following through.” If I could follow through, I would. I would a million times over again. But it’s just not possible. At least not in this lifetime. “Theo…” his voice wobbles as he says my name, and the sound alone feels like a dagger in my heart. “I have spent the last few weeks going over every detail in my head over and over and over again. Asking myself ‘Why didn’t you just leave him alone, Jax?’ ‘How did you not spot the signs, Jax?’ ‘Maybe if I hadn’t been so distracted by the thought of you would I have even gotten hurt in the first place?’ ‘How did I never, not once, see that woman come in and out of your house?’ ‘Was it because I was to focused on constantly looking at you?’ ” A lone tear rolls down his cheek, but he’s quick to wipe it away.

My hand moves to reach for him, but I stop myself. “Jackson… I wish I could take back hurting you. My god do I wish I could take back hurting you. But…” I know what I’m about to say might get me punched in the face, but I’m going to say it anyway. “I wouldn’t take back meeting you at that party. I wouldn’t take back kissing you that night on the porch. Because, that would mean we wouldn’t have happened, and that thought alone—” Now my voice is the one that wobbles. “That thought alone feels like someone gutting me. But I hate seeing you like this, so please , tell me what I can do to fix it?”

“Not seeing me. That’s what you can do.” My brows pull together, and he continues. “I’m going back to Montana for the rest of summer. Some work on the ranch will do my body and my mind some good.”

Montana.

For the rest of the summer.

There’s no way I can go that long without seeing him.

“H-how will I know you’re okay?”

As he loads his last bag into the trunk, he whispers, “You won’t.”

“Jax, please give me something here.” I’m begging, and I don’t care how pathetic it makes me sound.

He spins to look at me. “Why should I give you anything when you gave me nothing . I need to find myself again. To try and remember who I was before this bullshit of a year started, and you clearly need to work out whatever the hell is going on in that home over there with the woman wearing your ring.”

Jax closes the trunk and walks to the driver’s side of the car, clearly not wanting to hear another word from me. So I mumble to no one but myself, “It’s not my ring.”

He gets in his car, starts it, and rolls the window down. “Figure yourself out, and I’ll do the same, Mr. Young. ” He tips his ball cap down like a cowboy would his hat and says out the window, “Have a nice summer.”

* ? Swim - Chase Atlantic