Page 40 of Sharing Shadow Secrets (High Five Novella #6)

“ I haven’t been that triggered in a long time,” I say to my therapist, sitting in his office. It’s generic, barely decorated but lit with sunlight through the hi-rise’s floor-to-ceiling windows. “I shouldn’t feel like throwing away all this progress from a couple of texts, but I was so tempted.”

“What thoughts were running through your mind when you were tempted?” he asks, sitting in the chair across from the love seat I’m on.

“Same shit as always. Wanting control. Validation. I mean, I got what I wanted, which makes me mad. Like if he would have ignored me, I wouldn’t be talking about this right now. But he responded. He was interested. And now I feel guilty because I like Taylor so much.”

“You mentioned you’ve told Taylor that you’ve been with guys. Have you shared more with her since?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I still feel ashamed. It’s yet another thing that isn’t great about me.”

“I want you to explore what you’re telling yourself about yourself. But for this session, let’s talk about how you think Taylor would respond. What are you afraid might happen?”

“I don’t want her to feel sorry for me. I don’t want her to think she means less.

She honestly means so much more because we haven’t been that physical.

I’ve been able to separate the physical from the person, and I’m afraid it won’t work out because I really like her.

Maybe more than I’ve liked anyone. Well …

I like her more in a healthy way than I’ve liked anyone. ”

He stares at me for a moment. “Find a time to open up and be your whole self with her.”

I nod. I should tell her everything she needs to know before her fourth client—before she decides to be my girlfriend.

“I’m proud of you for calling this emergency session,” he says, breaking the silence.

Leaving his River North office, I decide to call Taylor.

“Phone call?” she answers, and I smile, loving her playful voice.

“What are you doing for lunch today?” I ask, walking fast down the sidewalk toward my condo, still feeling nervous to share everything with her, but her voice is putting me at ease.

“No idea.”

“Could I bring food to your place?”

“Sure …” she says in a questioning tone. “When do you think you can get out of work?”

“I’m taking a mental health day today.”

“Oh?”

“I was just thinking that there’s a lot you don’t know about me, and I want you to know me. Especially if we decide to … do this.”

“Sounds heavy?” she says hesitantly.

“Yeah.”

Taylor hums.

Shit.

“We can chat another time. Sorry. I shouldn’t assume you want to have a deep chat today.”

“No. It’s okay. I’m just thinking about my day. How about you come over a little after noon?”

“Will do. What are you feeling for lunch?”

“Surprise me.”