Page 49 of Send It
Lincoln
I feel bad for throwing all the blame on Colson when in reality it wasn’t all his fault.
More than anything else, I wanted him. I pursued things with him just as much as he did with me.
I could’ve backed off and let things chill until after Nationals, until he had the courage to talk to Reiss, but I didn’t.
I wanted to help him, race for him, sleep with him. I could’ve put my brother’s feelings somewhere on my list of priorities, but I didn’t. So it wasn’t all Colson’s fault. Even if he did fuck up the plan at Nationals and get us in a mess.
We all sat quietly at the awards ceremony and watched as Reiss got his first place trophy.
It sucked that I lost but it felt good to watch him win.
He deserved it but it was hard to sit there with eyes all over me and Colson.
We were the hot gossip of the day and the fact that we broke the rules had a lot of people pissed off.
Which is why we both released apologies on our social media pages.
It was PR protocol. Damage control organized by Bane Racing but still we both learned our lesson and the apologies were heartfelt.
We shouldn’t have lied and we shouldn’t have broken the rules. It doesn’t mean that what happened wasn’t awesome. I won a moto against the best racers in the country and was on track to win the final if it hadn’t been for Landon’s rivalry with Colson.
It has been a few days since we’ve been home and I already have teams reaching out to me through Bane Racing. Even though I am in trouble for breaking the rules, my explanation on why I did it has been understood by most.
The truth is, I decided to race in Colson’s spot because of how much I care about him.
Knowing that he would miss the biggest race of his career was a hard pill for me to swallow, knowing how hard he worked to get to this spot.
I realize that my judgement was clouded by my emotions and I’m deeply sorry for how things played out.
I understand that we broke the trust of the racing community, officials, and our own team at Bane Racing.
For that, I am truly sorry and I hope through time and transparency I can earn your trust back.
I know that a lot of people feel disrespected by the events and I hope that you will give me another chance to prove to you that, even though rules were broken, my heart was in the right place .
The comments are mostly positive but that doesn’t mean I don’t understand why we are in trouble.
We broke the rules and that isn’t anything I can argue with.
It looks bad on both of us but neither of us cared about the consequences while we were sneaking around and lying, so we deserve the backlash.
I haven’t reached out to Colson, trying my best to give him some space to talk to Reiss and come to me when he is ready, but I am starting to worry because his surgery is in the morning.
I type out a few different texts to Reiss and finally settle on one.
Lincoln
Colson’s surgery is tomorrow.
Reiss
I know.
Lincoln
Have you talked to him?
Reiss
No.
Lincoln
Are you going to?
Reiss
No.
Lincoln
Why are you being like that? He made a mistake, it's not like the world is ending. You need to talk to him.
Reiss
A mistake is when you forget to text someone back. He had sex with my baby sister behind my back and lied to me about it for weeks.
Lincoln
So you’re mad at me. Got it.
Reiss
No, I’m not.
Lincoln
You can’t be mad at him and not be mad at me.
Reiss
It’s different, Lincoln. I trusted him. He’s been my best friend since I was old enough to walk and talk.
Lincoln
He is my friend too.
Reiss
Yeah I didn’t realize that was a problem. I trusted him with you and for months he was sneaking around with you.
Lincoln
I’m not apologizing to you for falling in love with him.
Reiss
How do you even know that’s what it is? You just fell in love with him in a few weeks? Three months ago you guys couldn’t even be in the same room? What changed?
Lincoln
Everything changed. Do you really want to know?
Reiss
No. Spare me the slutty details.
Lincoln
I’m not a slut.
Reiss
That’s not what I meant.
Lincoln
There’s worse guys than Colson.
Reiss
Does it have to be him?
Lincoln
There will never be anyone else. There never has been.
Reiss
Fuck Lincoln!
Lincoln
I’m sorry. I can’t bury it. I don’t want to but he will for you. That’s how much he cares about your friendship. Please don’t make him choose.
He doesn’t respond.
“Lincoln, what are you doing here? I thought you had a shift at Lakeside?” Mom asks as I stare at my phone, hoping for a response from Reiss.
“Stas is covering for me,” I say. “I just don’t feel good.”
She narrows her eyes at me, “A broken heart?”
“Not broken,” I sigh. “Just a little bruised. ”
“Have you heard from Colson?” she asks. “Your dad has tried texting him but he hasn’t responded.”
“No,” I exhale. “I won’t until he talks to Reiss but I know it’s eating him alive that Reiss won’t talk to him. He’s been nervous for weeks about his surgery tomorrow and I can’t even be there for him.”
Mom pulls me into a hug and I can feel the tears start to sting my eyes. “Oh honey, I know you care about him. Those boys will figure it out. They won’t let this ruin what they’ve built.”
“It’s my fault,” I say.
“It’s not. Sometimes you can’t help who you fall for.”
I laugh through my tears, “Tell me about it. It would be a lot easier if it was someone else. Anyone else.”
“Sometimes love isn’t easy,” she says. “Not everything worth having is easy. You should know that by now. Sometimes you have to fight.”
I shake my head, “You make me want to drag Reiss to Colson’s house and force a conversation.”
She pops a piece of candy from the dish in the kitchen into her mouth, “You can’t do that but you can control what you do. If you want to see Colson before his surgery, then you should do it.”
I slump in my chair, “I can’t do that. There’s no way Colson will speak to me without having talked to Reiss first.
“It’s not just about Colson and Reiss. It’s about you and Colson, and you and Reiss. Those are three very different relationships.”
I think about what she said and try to rationalize with my heart, but eventually it wins. I have to see Colson before his surgery tomorrow.