Page 7

Chapter 7

Della

H aden handed me a plate of food and kissed the top of my head as he sat down next to me. We had been holed up in the house for three days now, eating, sleeping, and making love. This was everything I wanted.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked.?

“How lucky I am to have you.” I smiled when he snapped his gaze up to mine, and I could see a war waging in his eyes.?

“I’m in love with you,” he suddenly blurted out.?

I wondered when he was actually going to say it to me. He had told me in every way possible without using the words, but I still wanted to hear them.?

“I love you, Haden,” I said without thought. He sighed with relief. “Did you think I didn’t?”?

“No, I knew you did, but hearing it just does something to me.” He took a bite of his food and looked at me. He was thinking of something again. “I’m confused about something. If a god gets married, shouldn’t their mate become immortal? How fair is it for you to marry someone and outlive them, just to do it all over again?”

My chest immediately felt like it was being stabbed. Gods, I was going to have to tell him about my mating bond. I set the plate of food down and already felt the tears stinging my eyes. Haden set his plate down and went to grab me, but I stood up out of his way.?

“Storm…”?

My gaze traced over his face like it was the last time I would see it. Haden was going to be devastated, and there was nothing I could do to fix the pain this would cause him. I just hoped that he loved me enough to believe that I wanted him.?

“You asked me why a goddess was hanging around mortal fae, and I told you I didn’t want to tell you, but I know I need to be honest with you. I just don’t want you to be upset with me when I tell you.”?

Haden looked at me with fear in his eyes. I waited to gather my courage, but deep down I knew this was going to upset him. How could it not?

“Gods get a fated mate,” I said.?

Haden’s reaction made me pause. His fear disappeared, and a big smile took over his face. Guilt slammed into my chest.?

“You are not mine.” I shook my head. His smile fell instantly. Haden stood and began pacing back and forth in the bedroom.?

“How is that possible?” he asked. “But you can reject him and pick me?” he asked with way too much hope. His big, stormy eyes looked at me, pleading with me to lie to him and tell him that I could.

“No, gods don’t get to reject their mates, but I already picked you.”?

His eyes filled with unshed tears as he glanced around frantically. Haden’s anger and hurt filled the air, making it tense and hard to breathe.

“I don’t know much about fated mates, but isn’t there a bond or something? You can’t choose me if you haven’t met him. What if we start a life and he comes along, and you leave me? That will kill me.”?

Haden started pacing around again.?

“I have met him.” I frowned because this was the part I didn’t want him to know. “You saw me sneaking around the village for weeks because I was following him. I didn’t feel any sort of connection to him at all, though. I was trying to figure out why I had a bond to someone I did not feel anything toward. I thought I needed to be near him longer, but the more I was near him, the more I realized I did not want him. But the first time I saw you, I felt what I should have for him.”

“Who is it?”?

“Haden…” I begged.?

“Tell me now.”

“It’s Holden.”?

Haden froze in shock. His entire body went rigid as icy blue took over his features. His magic suddenly exploded out of him, knocking me into the wall. Snow flurried around us as I stood up.

“Please, the heavens made a mistake because the moment I saw you, I finally felt something. You are mine, Haden. I do not want him.”?

“Get out,” he said softly.?

“Please, I don’t want to lose you.”?

“Get out!” he yelled with so much hurt and anger that the walls shook. “Please, I need you to leave.”

I didn’t move, so he walked over to me and grabbed me by the upper arm. Haden pulled me to the front door and gently shoved me out before slamming it behind me. I pounded on the door, begging him not to leave me. Then I heard it, his soft crying coming from inside the home, and my chest felt as if it were caving in. I did that to him. Haden was hurting because of me, and I didn’t know how to fix it. How was I supposed to reassure him that I chose him and always would?

I sat on the stairs of his home, waiting for him to come out. I physically felt ill that I hurt him. It felt like hours before the door finally opened. Quickly, I stood up, but he didn’t look at me. He slammed his door shut and began walking through the field. I followed desperately, just to be close to him.?

“Can we please talk?” I asked, but he ignored me. Silently, I walked behind him because of his ridiculous pace. Haden didn’t look back at me once as he twisted and turned through the village. I made myself invisible so that no one would see me crying and following him like a crazy lady. Haden stopped at the pastry stand, and the two women smiled at him.?

“No girlfriend today?” The dark-haired one smiled.?

“No,” Haden said quickly. He was going to leave me, and I couldn’t stop it. There was no bond between us; he didn’t need to reject me. He could just walk away from me, and I would have to let him.?

“Well, in that case, do you want to get a drink at the tavern tonight?” she purred.?

Jealousy instantly filled my chest. Haden glanced at me, and I saw the devastation in his eyes. If he said yes to her, he might as well carve my heart out with a knife. I gasped when he closed his eyes, a shiver seeming to run through him. His breath hitched. For a heartbeat, he didn’t move. Then the color bled from his eyes, icy blue giving way to black. The air dropped several degrees around me, and a pressure coiled in my chest like a storm waiting to break. Gods, there was something different about him. It wasn't Haden staring back at me; it was a different version of him.

“Never in a million years,” he said angrily.

“You are such an asshole.” She glared.

He shrugged, and he turned to look right at me. I saw the devastation in his eyes, but there was a harsh anger in them too. Fuck, the darkness of his eyes would haunt me.

“Please, don’t do this,” I whispered. “You are mine.”

Haden grabbed his pastry and left, but as soon as he was out of hearing range of the woman, he stopped with his back to me.

“Apparently, I am not yours, Ardella; I never was.” His shoulders rose and fell quickly. “You should have told me it was Holden.”

“Does it matter who it is?”

This pissed him off as he turned toward me.

“Yes, because they gave the bond to the one man I would never hurt. If it had been anyone else, I would have...” He sighed heavily. “It doesn’t matter because it wasn’t someone else; it was him . Holden is a good man; he would make you happy."

"You make me happy." My voice cracked as emotions tightened my throat.

"Stop following me. I need time to process what is happening. I will call to you if I want to see you."

Haden’s eyes flashed red, but he quickly blinked it away. What the fuck? I wanted to ask him why they did that, but he walked away from me. When he walked away this time, I did not follow. Devastation and hurt warred inside of me as I watched him practically run from me. I swallowed the lump in my throat. I felt like I was going to pass out. If gods could die, I would think I was at this very moment from a broken heart. I stumbled forward and braced myself on the shed.?

Anger filled me as I thought of how cruel the heavens were being to me.?

“What did I ever do to deserve this? You gave me the wrong fucking mate, and now he doesn’t want me. I will never forgive you for this, do you hear me? I will never forgive you for not making Haden mine.” Angry tears streamed down my face. “I’m going to be alone for my entire existence.” I cried into my hands. The one thing I had to look forward to was taken from me before I ever knew I had it.?

My star mist circled around me, and when it disappeared, I was back at Haden’s home. I sat on the steps and waited for him. I would waste away on the stairs if I had to. This is not what was supposed to happen.

I pushed my palms into my eyes and knew this was my fault. Glancing around, I knew I should feel guilty about what I did. It made sense why Holden and I didn’t have a true bond. I stood up and began pacing around, knowing that I messed with fate. The fucking heavens or stars did this as a punishment when they were the ones who forced my hand.

Haden was mine, and I knew that from the moment I met him hundreds of years ago. Gods, did he remember anything from before? Of course he didn't. His eyes turned red, and he seemed to know that he should hide that from me.

“You will not take him from me. I will always be two steps ahead of you.” I warned the sky. “I will find a way to fix fate because he was supposed to be my mate—you know it. You may have given the bond to his brother, but I will never choose anyone but him. I do not care who or what he is; he is worthy of me.”

?★★★?★★★?

It was getting dark out, and Haden never came home. I was pacing around his porch, trying not to lose my mind over the thought of him with someone else, even though he wasn’t mine. The thought instantly pissed me off. He was mine.?

I used my star mist to go to the village. The tavern loomed in front of me with big windows, and so many fae crowded in the place that I could hardly see through them. I watched carefully, looking for any sign of Haden. After a few minutes of staring through the window, I saw him sitting at the counter with a drink.

A woman perched a stool away, laughing too loudly, trying too hard. She leaned in, speaking with animated hands. I watched every movement, bile rising with each second. Then she scooted closer. Gods, it was worse than torture. But I couldn't look away. I needed to be near him, even if he didn't know.

She reached out, fingers brushing his shoulder. He flinched, then shrugged her off. A growl of thunder rolled overhead, deep and angry, rattling the windows as if the sky mirrored my mood. Lightning tore across the clouds—and then came the downpour. Haden looked outside. His gaze immediately finding mine. His eyes turned to the woman before he shook his head and stood up. My heart felt like it was being carved out of me with a rusty knife. My chest was caving in on itself.?

I turned away from the tavern. My gaze darted around quickly, as if an answer to my problem would appear. But I already knew there wasn’t an answer.

“Storm.” He gripped my shoulder, turning me toward him. “That is not what you think.”

“I have been waiting for you at home," I said softly. "So we could talk. And you… avoided me."

His expression faltered. Shame clouded his eyes. I saw the truth there, plain as daylight. He had been avoiding me. And suddenly, I felt stupid.

If he wanted to see me, he would have come. He would have called for me, like he promised.

I swallowed the words rising in my throat—the desperate, aching ones. Please do not leave me.

“I told you to stop following me,” he said.

A final blow.

Maybe he didn't love me like he claimed he did. I let this truth sink into me and take root deep in my bones. I glanced over his face once more. I wanted him to be happy, and if that was without me, then I had to be fine with that.?

Maybe he wasn’t supposed to be mine.

Maybe it was a test from the heavens, and I had failed miserably. I looked away from him but hesitated. I did not want to leave him. I waited for a moment longer just in case he told me to stay. But he didn't. I stepped back from him.

"Okay, I'll leave you alone," I whispered, and it made my chest ache painfully. Defeat coursed through me as I used my star mist to go home before I fell apart.