Page 29

Chapter 29

Haden

D ella hadn’t been back in ten days. I was starting to get worried. I had called for her. I had begged for her to come back, but she had not returned to me. I refused to leave and take the void with me. This was just complicating everything when I needed to focus on my purpose for being here.

Ardella, the Goddess of Life, was going to destroy everything the old gods and heavens had set into place. Her actions were going to defy the laws of existence, and I needed to make sure she did that. But I couldn’t focus on that. All I could think of was her heartbroken face. The longer she was away from me, the more I felt like shit. If ten days felt this bad, what would forever feel like? Then again, what had 300 years felt like for Della?

I hadn’t left my bedroom all morning, but when I heard Remiah humming, I decided to get up. I slipped on my clothes and walked into the living space.

Remiah was dancing and humming in the kitchen. I froze when star mist appeared. Della. I stepped forward but stopped when a tall man with black and bronze hair stepped from the mist and stared at me. He had the same eyes my Storm did.?

His gaze flickered over me and then to Remiah before coming back to me. He looked terrified of me. He shifted his body slightly, the flowers in his hand making a noise that alerted Remy.?

“Mikel!” she said excitedly. “What a nice surprise.” Remiah wrapped her arms around him, hugging him with her whole body.?

“I’m sorry I showed up uninvited.” He smiled at her. “I missed you too much.”?

His eyes flicked over to me and nervously held my gaze.?

“You look like Ardella,” I said.?

His whole body went rigid. He straightened his back as he looked over at me.?

“You’ve met my sister?”?

“Yes. She comes and says hi to us every now and then. She helps us out.”

“Yes, Remiah told me.” He nodded. “I’m glad my sister has been kind to you.”

You have no idea. ?

Mikel looked confused as he looked over at me. Could he tell something was not quite right with me??

“Dells mentioned she met Remy, but she didn’t mention that she met you.” Mikel frowned slightly. Obviously, he didn’t think Della would keep secrets.? “I'm sorry, why is she visiting you both?” he asked.?

“Didn’t you ask her?” I looked at him.?

“She made it sound like she ran into Remiah by chance.”?

I smiled at him.?

“You can ask her.”?

“Or you can tell me.” He glared.?

Remiah was watching the exchange between us, confused.

“Why are you upset?” she asked him.?“I told you before that your sister seems to like my brother.”

Mikel looked at me and frowned as he thought of something. I gave him a small smile. He seemed to snap out of it when he glanced at Remiah.

“Sorry, I didn’t realize you meant like as in she had feelings for him,” he said, confused. His eyes traced over me again. Did Della tell him about us before I died? He reached down and kissed Remiah. “Sorry, Della and I have been having a hell of a week with work stuff.” Mikel turned to me and walked forward. “It’s nice to meet you, Haden. Remiah hasn’t stopped talking about how great you are.”?

I reached out and shook his hand, which he squeezed more than necessary.

I smiled at him. “It’s nice to meet you, Mikel; unfortunately, Della never mentioned you.”?

His jaw tightened.?

“Haden Vale, why are you being an asshole?” Remy snapped.?

“It’s alright,” Mikel said.?

I tried to keep my curiosity to myself, but the bond was demanding to know where she was. Who was she with? Was she alright? Did she feel as terrible as I did?

“Where is your lovely sister? We haven’t seen her around.”?

Mikel’s eyes traced over me, and something like concern flickered through his eyes. Well, that didn’t make me feel better. He ran his hand through his black hair.

“She is at home feeling a bit down lately. I’m sure she will come back when she is ready.”?

She misses me. Or rather, I broke her heart. I nodded and looked at Remy.?

“I’ve got some things to do. I’ll be back later.”?

I headed out of the house and made my way deep into the woods so I would not be seen by Mikel. I summoned my starlight magic, and when it disappeared, I was standing outside of Della’s home in the sky. The large home was made mostly of glass, making it easy to see everything inside, especially because it was dark up here in the sky. I looked over my shoulder to see the view of the stars from up here.?

It felt like the heavens.?It felt… odd.

I walked around the house looking for her. After a moment, I came to the window outside of her bedroom. Ardella was in bed, and by the steady rise and fall of her chest, I could tell that she was sleeping. I used my magic to appear in her room. Slowly, I walked up to her bed and stared at her pretty face.?As soon as my gaze landed on her, my bond calmed down and the tension left my body.

Her room smelled like her, making my chest ache with longing. Della was wearing a man’s tunic, and jealousy instantly reared its ugly head. I wanted to wake her and demand she take it off, but as I leaned down toward her, I could smell my own scent coming from it. I swallowed hard as I realized it was mine from a long time ago. Confusion filled me. How often did she sleep in this?

I glanced around the room and paused when I recognized a drawing on her desk. I walked over to it and traced the lines of the house I had drawn all those years ago. The home I wanted to build for us, back when I was stupid enough to think I could have both Della and retribution on the stars. Now I know better. Sighing, I set it down and opened the top drawer of her desk just to be nosy. It was overflowing with letters. I grabbed one of them before looking over my shoulder at her.?

She was still sound asleep, so I opened the letter, not caring about her privacy. Someone was writing her letters that she thought were important enough to keep. I unfolded the sheet of paper and scanned the words, my heart immediately breaking.?

Today proved to me that no matter how much time passes, it will never be enough to get over you. Sara and Holden got married, and I was happy for them. But if I’m honest, all I could think about was how we were supposed to do that too. I couldn’t even stay for the whole celebration. I have not stopped crying.?

I feel as if I am dying, slowly suffocating without you. And even though I know it is impossible, I sometimes wish gods could die. What am I supposed to do? I have an existence of this heartbreak and longing. I feel as though I am in hell, being punished for loving you.?

And even though it is crazy, I still hold out hope that maybe the heavens and the hells will hear my pleading for you and show mercy on me. That maybe they will give you back to me. But each year that passes, that hope slowly shrinks inside of me.

I am all in.?

-Always your Storm

I opened another letter and realized they were all for me. My heart raced as I desperately wanted to rip each one open and devour her thoughts. I grabbed one from down at the bottom. Its color was no longer white but yellow and faded from time. Slowly, I opened it, knowing I was a glutton for punishment.

All that I see when I close my eyes is a life I no longer get to have. You have only been gone for 434 days, and I feel like I can’t remember the way your voice sounds anymore. Your memory haunts me with everything I do. All I can think is that you will never get to experience anything again.

I will never kiss you. I will never laugh with you. I will never fight with you. I will never marry you. I will never have children that get your artistic abilities or pretty, stormy eyes. I will never get more memories with you.

I have cursed the stars every day since they took you. Why must I be punished for loving you too much? Shouldn’t they want me to be happy with whoever I choose? And maybe I will get you back, but how long must I go through this torture?

I spend my days sitting in my room, and when that becomes too much, I go to our home. The one you started building, I still work on it. I rebuilt everything you had up before it collapsed. And I am determined to see that this dream of yours gets completed. Maybe I am hopeful that when you come back to me, I will have something to give to you even though you will not know the significance.

That might be the only thing keeping me going—that damn house. I keep thinking that we will need a home to live in. A home like your parents', where it is filled with your artwork, and you can tell it was a home built with love. It is a way to stay close to you, and I can’t wait for you to see it one day.

I’m all in.

-Always your Storm.

I folded the letter carefully as the tears stung my eyes. Turning around, I watched her and felt overwhelming emotions. I was not used to feeling things like this when I was void. She worked on the house for us. I swallowed hard as I tried not to let this affect me. But I knew deep down that this meant more than anything else she may have done.

She stirred in the bed, and I quickly put the papers back and disappeared from her room.?

When my magic disappeared, I was in the field where the house I was building used to stand. I remembered it collapsing that night. So, I took a deep breath and turned toward where it stood before. My breath left my lungs as I saw that it stood, completed. It was just as I had drawn it, down to every detail. Fuck, could I really go in there and see what she did for me without getting too emotional?

Part of me had locked this dream away deep in my mind and heart so I did not have to feel the grief. I had been too reckless back then. Della made me think things could be different. I wanted things to be different. I wished there was a way to have Della and complete my duty, but Della was part of the plan, and it was already in motion. But fuck, I did not want to do this to her anymore.

My gaze swept across the land it sat on, and I could see the memories of Della and I playing out in front of me. My chest ached with grief. I lost that life too, and I knew I wouldn’t get to have it now, but if I could, I would have done it with her.

I had to see it.

Once.

Slowly, I walked up the stone path she laid out with flowers on either side. As I ascended the stairs, I admired how well she did. The front porch was long and wrapped around the house, and she even carved flowers and vine detailing into the posts. I traced my fingers over it and sighed heavily.

I gripped the handle to the door and pushed it open. Emotions slammed into me as I took in the space. I walked through it, admiring the woodwork and the furnishings she had collected over the years that were a perfect combination of us. I moved through the seating area and into the space I wanted to see the most.

I rounded the corner and let out a shaky breath when I walked into the kitchen. She had saved the cabinets that I made but added a few more to them. I smiled softly when I saw the makeshift stool I had made so she could sit with me. She kept it. Turning, I gazed out of the large window, admiring how the sunset reflected off of the smooth surface of the pond.

Where I asked her to marry me.

“I can’t believe she did this,” I said to myself. I made my way upstairs. This was the part of the home I had never worked on. I never really had a vision for the rooms or how many to have, so I was excited to see what Della saw for it. When I got to the landing, I could see two doors on each side of the hallway and one at the end.

One by one I opened the doors to see bedrooms that were empty, waiting to be filled by a family that would never happen. I hesitated when I reached the end door, knowing that it was supposed to be our bedroom. I opened the door, and my mouth fell open at the large space. It had hardly any furniture in it, but Della had made the entire wall out of windows so we could see the pond and mountains in the distance.

The room had its own fireplace in the corner with shelves for books lining the wall. I saw a door to the left and figured it was a washroom. But my eyes stung and tears fell when I saw the art table she had set up in the other corner. Love and self-hatred pumped through me. Della had always been too good for me, and this just confirmed it. I did not deserve her. She was here building us a home for a future that would never happen, and I was using her to punish the gods and stars.

I had foolishly let myself believe once before that I could have both her and vengeance, and all that got me was six stab wounds before dying. I closed my eyes, and I could almost picture a life where I was a better man, and Della would never be betrayed by me. We would’ve been so fucking happy. I could’ve made her happy if I was born differently.

My throat was tight as I tried to swallow down the emotions. Tears fell down my face as I looked at this bedroom that seemed to mock me. My chest ached as I thought of all the memories we could have made here. I stared out of the window to the pond and thought of that morning I proposed to her. Would fate have changed on its own if we got married? The mating bond between her and Holden could’ve died and transferred to me. I ran my hand through my hair and sighed. It didn’t matter. Even if it would have, Della would kill the bond as soon as she figured out I was a liar.

Maybe I should have left her alone. Holden could’ve made her happier than I ever could. I could’ve chosen a different god or goddess to manipulate. That would have made all of this easier. At least then I would be fighting my feelings of loving my enemy and making sure I fulfilled my duty even if it was at the cost of losing her forever.

I needed to get out of here. A woman who was too good for me had built this because she thought this future would happen, but I knew better. I couldn’t even let myself admire the perfect home as I left it, slamming the door shut and running—running from my past, from the woman I was destroying, and from the hurt and devastation I felt that I was responsible for.

After a minute, the air around me shifted into something heavy—evil. I stopped running and closed my eyes, almost scared to open them. When I did, I scanned around me, fearing who I would see. I sighed when I saw them. Six cloaked figures were standing in front of me, waiting for answers that I didn’t have.?

“Haden,” the one in the middle said with a bite of annoyance in her voice. “Have you figured out what Della’s treason is? What sets this whole fucking thing off?”?

“No.”?

They all stepped forward at once.?

“Are you lying to us?”?

“Why the fuck would I be lying?” I snapped.?

They chuckled softly.?

“Because you are protecting her .” They were silent, wanting me to confess to this, but they could fuck off. “Do we need to remind you of what happened the last time you went off course?”?

My jaw clenched tightly.?

“In fact, wasn’t it this very spot that you bled out and died?”?

Memories of Della trying desperately to save my life plagued me, making my whole body tense with my own grief.

“I can’t see into her future anymore. I do not know; it could take years to figure out. Maybe try a little fucking patience.”?

They were dead silent, and I could feel the tension running off of them.?

“You better not be using this as an excuse to do what you did last time. She is not yours to keep. This isn’t some fucking fairy tale. You get her future to stay on course with your first vision of her, and the old gods will be forced to step in. Which is exactly what we want. You don’t get to plan a future with her like you tried last time.”?

“I’m not protecting her. I am trying to get close to her so I can figure out what she is up to.”?

The figure in the middle took two steps forward and I knew it was Elra. Her cloaked head tilted to the side as she assessed me.?

“You need to keep in mind that once Ardella breaks this law, then it will give us permission to come back to the realm for good. These heavenly gods will not be able to keep us out again. You can not interfere in her fate.”

“Trust me, I have not forgotten,” I snapped. “Are we done with this conversation?”?

“No, we have found out from another source that this issue with Della comes after Thea Alzara breaks her curse.”?

I nodded.?

“She isn’t even cursed yet, is she?” I asked. I didn’t understand what was so important about this Thea in all of this.?

“No, but it is coming very soon,” she confessed. “This could take years for her to break the curse, and we do not need you getting caught up in your life with Ardella. You will not come back to the surface until after Thea breaks her curse. Nice Haden needs to be in control. And you must not influence him like last time.”?

“He is going to get attached to her.” There was no way any side of me could resist her.?

“No, she is about to destroy his heart, remember?” I didn’t need to see Elra to know she was smiling. “Do we need to bind you inside?”?

“Good fucking luck,” I hissed.?

“We can kill you again. Would you like to watch her go through her grief for you once more?”?

Fuck no. I never wanted her to go through that again.?

“Fine. I will go away until Thea breaks her curse.”?

They disappeared without another word, and I felt so fucking angry that I could kill the entire realm.?They were pretty fucking stupid if they thought that keeping me hidden away was going to help anything. No matter what side of me is present in the moment, it will always be attached to her. But they didn’t know she was my mate, and that was one secret I would not tell them. The real question was, will Della forgive me when she knows that she broke divine laws for me, and I used it against her?

No, she wouldn’t, and I hated myself for it.