Page 31

Chapter 31

Della

G ods, I had been confused all day. I looked around my room because it felt different somehow, but nothing was out of place. My head ached and pounded as I tried to remember what the hell I was doing last night. But nothing came—no memories. Maybe I had passed out in bed earlier than I realized.

I glanced at my bed and frowned. I didn’t even remember coming in here. Last I remember, my mating bond was going crazy. What the hell was wrong with me? I glanced out of my bedroom window and stared at the dark sky illuminated by millions of twinkling stars.?

Gods, I missed Haden.?

Maybe I should wait to go to Haden’s house tomorrow; I’m sure he is sleeping.

But the other part of me couldn’t wait. My heart pounded as I thought of him. All day, flashes of him and me together had plagued me. My stomach clenched tightly as I went to my closet. I grabbed the small, black velvet box and opened it.

My star swirled orange and silver, a symbol of our mating bond. The orange represented the color of his soul, and the silver matched mine. Tonight, I was going to tell Haden he was my fated mate. I smiled softly. I had not known if this day would ever come. I loved him so much it was all-consuming. I do not know how I had lived without him for so long.

Suddenly, Haden’s voice boomed into my mind, sounding terrified. I dropped the box and left it on the ground, summoning my star mist immediately. I was at his home within seconds. Horror filled me when I saw it engulfed in flames. Fuck. I could feel death lurking closely. Someone was dying here tonight. I could feel their soul tugging me to them so I could collect them and send them on to their next destination, as was my job as the Goddess of Life.

“Haden!” I called out in a terrified voice. Panic raced through my veins as I desperately looked around for him. He had to be alright. He must be outside. He had to be safe.

“Haden, please!” I cried out as I ran toward the flames. A small movement by the side of the house had me running. Dread filled me when I realized it wasn’t Haden. It was Remiah. I dragged her farther from the house.

“Where is Haden?” I asked, panicked.

I could not lose him. Tears streamed down my face as she opened her mouth. Before she could answer me, though, I saw him.

His soul was lingering by the window, almost completely out of his body. He was watching me with sadness that made my heart stop. Not again. Not again!

“No!” I screamed and ran to him.

I held my hand out towards the house and then pulled it back with a hard jerk, my magic causing the side of the house to blow out.

Black smoke came billowing out, and I called the wind and rain to help me stop the flames and clear the air. Tears streamed down my face as I desperately looked for his body, his soul form watching me as I fell apart. It was not complete, though, which meant he was still alive.

“Haden!” I called into the smoke.

His nearly lifeless body was lying under a beam. With my magic, I shoved it off of him and dragged him out of the house. Tears ran down my cheeks, and I stared at his handsome face that had smudges of ash on it. I gripped his face in my hands and begged him to open his eyes. I could not lose him.

“Please, do not leave me. I love you!” I cried to the stars. “I will die if I lose you again.”

I could feel him slipping away. My eyes shifted to Remy, who was unconscious. She was slipping away too. There was only one soul I was here to collect, though. I knew deep in my heart that it was Haden’s, but I could not let him go. I refused to let him leave me. Haden’s soul was almost gone from him. His orange form knelt next to me as he watched me sob and hold his physical body.

“Della,” he whispered.

“I can only save one of you,” I cried to him. I shook my head frantically because I knew what he would say.

“Save Remy,” he said without hesitation.

I shook my head no. I couldn’t, even if I wanted to. The thought of Haden dying and never having a life with him was soul-crushing. My mate bond would never allow such a thing—just like with Holden. I did not have control over the need to save what was mine. I would sacrifice the entire realm to save only him. But it was his fate to die tonight.

“Did you hear me? Save Remiah. It’s alright, Storm; maybe we will meet again.”

Tears burned my eyes as emotions clogged my throat. I pulled his lifeless body to me and sobbed against his unmoving chest. I could not live in that hell again. What are the chances that the heavens gave him to me again?

A painful sob tore from me as our mating bond severed and faded away. The pain was too much.

He was dead.

“Storm…” he whispered. “You have to let me go.”

I didn’t know what he meant until I realized I was gripping his soul in my hand.

No, why must I lose him?

Panic wrapped around my heart and squeezed until I could not think properly.

“I’m sorry, Haden, but I can’t,” I whispered as I held onto his soul with one hand.

I can rip souls from gods.

Avesh’s words came to me out of nowhere, and I knew what to do. Lifting my other hand, I demanded that my own soul come forward. My soul ripped away from me as I called out to the heavens at the agony I was feeling.?A constant stabbing sensation tore through every fiber of me as I ripped myself apart to save Haden.

“Storm, stop.”?

My silver soul floated in one hand, and I looked at Haden.?He looked so fucking confused. Memories of holding Haden's dead body 300 years ago plagued me. I already buried him once. I already had to live in that fucking hell, and I couldn't survive it again.

“I cannot lose you ever again.”?

Then I ripped his soul in half, slamming the half of my soul against his before forcing it back into his body.

Then I took the rest of his beautiful orange soul and slammed it into my own chest. Our blended souls seeped into his lifeless body, illuminating it in the dark night. The pain was nearly unbearable for me as the fused souls came together inside of my chest. I knew I had broken god laws to save him, but I did not care. My silver soul intertwined with his orange one immediately, fueling it with enough power to make sure he lived. I put my hand over his chest, and it glowed gold as I seared my mating mark onto his skin, claiming him as mine so he couldn’t die.

Then I turned toward Remy and hesitated for a moment. The heavens will forgive me for saving my mate, but not for disrupting the balance so much. Her soft purple soul illuminated as she began dying. Saving Haden was the only thing I could think of. I reached forward and gripped her soul, ripping it forcefully out of her to keep the balance. Immediately, I let go of her soul, and she disappeared before I could even blink.

“No!” Mikel’s voice suddenly boomed behind me. His voice snapped me out of my panic. What did I do? “Remiah!” He knelt next to her and grabbed her lifeless body. Her soul had already left. She could choose to move on or stay, but I wouldn’t know what her choice would be. I watched my brother’s face contort with devastation and grief—like mine looked when Haden died all those years ago. He was begging and pleading with her to open her eyes.

“I love you, please open your eyes,” he cried to her. Confusion about what I did swarmed my mind so much that I did not see Haden was awake again.

“What did you do?” It was Haden’s voice as he crawled out of my arms and across the ground to Remy. Our two souls twisted together within his chest. My silver soul coiled tightly around his orange as if it was a shield. Haden looked back at me, heartbreak taking over his face. "Storm?" he asked, confused.

"Haden…" I whispered as I watched the love for me in his eyes shatter when he looked at Remiah and back to me.

"Why?" His voice broke, and I shook my head. Mikel was yelling to the heavens, and the roar of the fire was overwhelming as I tried to find the words to tell Haden.

“No, no, no.” Mikel sobbed loudly.

I was paralyzed by the grief in my mating bond with Haden. Then I saw the necklace Remiah wore around her neck and felt my whole world stop. Mikel’s star hung on a chain and lay on her pale throat. Panic gripped me tightly. I couldn’t breathe. I killed her. I took Mikel’s mate.?

What have I done?

I glanced up when I saw movement in the tree line, thinking it was Remiah’s soul, and maybe I could make this right. I was surprised to instead see tall figures standing in the shadows, all with deep hoods pulled down over their faces. The same ones that had been here the first time Haden died. Were they the stars? They disappeared before I could comprehend what or who they were.

“I told you to save Remy, not me!” Haden glared at me as I sobbed, unable to form any words at the realization that I killed Mikel's mate. This made Mikel turn his murderous eyes to me.

“You could have saved her?” he hissed.

I kept shaking my head no because I couldn’t save her. Haden had to be saved. I wasn’t going to live without Haden; he was my mate. It was an impossible choice.

“Haden, please,” I barely managed to choke out. “Forgive me…”

When he looked at me, I saw no emotion in his eyes, deep blue pools of nothingness. I had done that to him. The realization ripped my heart in two.

“Forgive you? I fucking hate you!” Haden yelled at me. “I wish I never met you. I wish you never talked to me. Do you hear me? I fucking hate you!” He was kneeling next to Mikel and Remiah. “I will never forgive you.”

“Please…” I sobbed. Our mating bond floated between us again, but it was partially black now.

Haden turned to me again as he glared, cold hatred radiating from him so much that I could see his and Mikel’s breath as they both cried over Remiah’s body.

“I will never forgive you for taking my family from me. You’re an evil fucking monster. I never want to see your face again. You are dead to me. Do not ever come near me again, or I will kill you.”

“Haden…” I tried to breathe, but it felt like I was dying. “Don’t leave me.”

This pissed him off more.

Haden stood up and came forward. He gripped me hard by the back of my neck and dragged me to Remy’s lifeless body, his fingers flexing so hard I thought he would snap it.

“She deserved to live, not me. Unless you can bring her back right now, then I don’t care how much you cry. I will never forgive you. Bring her back now.” He shoved me close to Remy, and I cried even harder. She looked beautiful, like she was sleeping. But she was dead, and I had killed her. I had killed Mikel’s mate. I had taken her from him, and now, I hated myself for it. He would feel like I did for the past 300 years.

“I can’t,” I cried.

“You mean nothing to me. You’ll leave, and I will never waste another thought on you. You fucking disgust me.”

He let me go, and I fell on my back and sobbed to the stars above. I begged them for her soul to come to me so I could give it back. I wasn’t thinking clearly. A moment later, Mikel’s face overtook my view.

“You took her from me,” he sobbed quietly. “How could you take her from me?” He cried so violently that his starlight lashed out and gripped me tightly, threatening to snap all of my bones.

“I wish to the stars that you had never been created.” His words were like a dagger into my heart. I had lost everyone and everything I loved.

I sat up and saw Haden cradling his dead sister, begging her to open her eyes. He cried about how she was always the stronger one of the two of them, that he was nothing without her. He apologized for ruining their lives and that he had let a monster into their home.

My mate bond was sending waves of pain through it, punishing me because I had hurt him, because I had failed him, and now he was cursed with an existence of suffering alone. My bond was frantic for me to fix it.

“Haden, please,” I whispered as I stepped toward him. I found myself begging the heavens to bring her back, and I would take her place. I did not want to see Haden upset. I didn’t mean to hurt him or Mikel. I had ruined him. I had taken away everything from him in a desperate moment. My mate hated me.

“Leave!” he yelled. “I never want to see you again. My life will be better when you leave it for good.”

“But I did it because I love you. I’m sorry,” I sobbed.

“You think this is the act of someone who loves me? I don’t want your love, Ardella. I will never love you back. You are not worthy of me. You are the last woman I could ever love in this whole fucking realm,” he yelled. His eyes were filled with tears. “You have destroyed me,” he whispered.

His words made me stop talking.

He was right.

I didn’t deserve him.

I was a monster.

I ruined everything.

All I could do was watch him and Mikel beg Remiah to come back. My mate bond swelled with suffering, and I cried out at the pain it caused. My hand came up to grip my aching chest. I froze at what I saw on my arm, though. There were three black marks in the shape of stars that seemed to be seeping into my veins. The reality of what I had done to save Haden crashed around me. I was now marked by the heavens for treason against the gods. I had broken the divine law by betraying not only my brother, a fellow god, but my fated mate as well. This was the mark of somebody that would never be forgiven.

Haden’s hatred was my penance, and I would never be able to work off my sins. The heavens had decided that I was not worthy. Slowly, I was falling from the grace of the stars and into this hell I had built myself. What would happen when I finally hit the ground and shattered?

I glanced at Haden, trying to picture him smiling at me, but every moment I ever had with him was now tainted by what I had done. A breeze swept over us, and when I looked up, a cloaked figure stood at the tree line again. I could feel their eye upon me. They had to be the stars. The heavens sent them to deliver this message.

A sob broke from me because I was now on borrowed time. But what happens to a god when their treason catches up to them? I looked at Haden once more, begging silently for him to look back at me, but he refused to meet my eyes. This was punishment for what I did 300 years ago. The stars gave him back to me to use him as punishment.?

He was never going to be mine to keep. I cried to the stars to let me make this right. Whatever the cost, I would pay it.

Please look at me. Please don’t hate me. I cannot lose you again, Haden.

He didn’t. Haden watched Mikel hold Remiah and sob into her unmoving chest. Mikel’s screams and sobs would be burned into my mind for the rest of my life. I closed my eyes, trying to get rid of the heartbreaking, soul-crushing sounds.?

“Leave!” Haden’s voice forced my eyes to open.?

I took a step toward him; my bond was desperate. Haden’s hands came up and made a wall of ice so thick and tall that I could not get through it. My heart shattered as I realized I would not get through to him. How could he ever forgive me?

I used my star mist and disappeared, intending to leave his life for good. When I landed on my knees in my bedroom, a violent scream tore from me as our mating bond tried to break. No, no, no. I gripped the mating bond between us and willed it to stay in place . If you break this, I will find a way to bring it back, I warned the heavens.?

There was a wrath burning so violently inside of me that I could not stop my threat.

“I will turn my back on everything for him, I fucking swear it!” I yelled. “If you take this, I will destroy everything to get it back!”

The bond immediately stopped tearing and calmed down. I was filled with so much rage as I looked around. How fucking dare the heavens do this to me. I had always followed the rules and laws, and now I had lost my mate twice. My magic was swirling inside of me. Wind whipped around the room, and lightning struck the ground outside.?

Papers flew from the desk as the wind knocked it on its side. My letters from over the years flew around me, mocking my pain. My head hung low at the realization of how badly I had hurt Haden. Not just him, though. Mikel too. I broke Mikel. I was so fucking angry with myself. I tried to not lose Haden, and I ended up losing him anyway.?

I fell to the floor on my side, unsure if I was destroyed beyond repair this time. How could I survive this again? Not only that, but how did I mourn a man who was still alive when I knew I did not get another chance? The stars and heavens fucking hated me, and I didn’t understand why. Was I cursed for what I had done 300 years ago?

The heavens did not forgive me for saving Haden.

“Why did you give him back to me if you were angry with me?” I asked the stars and heavens. We give too much power to the stars. Avesh’s words circled my mind. But I needed someone to blame. The stars had taken Haden from me twice, and now I knew he would hate me for existence because I had claimed him.

Haden wouldn’t be able to die ever again. I had cursed him with a lonely, pain-filled existence because I was a selfish woman. Tears fell from me as I lay on my floor, surrounded by the letters of a heartbroken woman who could never make this right.?

Haden was not mine.?

He hated me.

I hated myself.?

I did not deserve to be a goddess.

I broke Mikel.

I destroy everything I try to love.?

I did not know what I was supposed to live for now.?I had done what I needed to so that I could save my mate.

Something deep inside of me broke. I could feel my insides being tainted with an intense wrath that wanted to climb into the heavens and hurt the stars. I groaned in pain as a shooting pain started on my wrist and climbed up the length of my right arm. When I looked, there were four black stars on my skin now, but each one was cracked and broken.

I instantly recognized them as the same markings on the picture of Diath. She had been marked by the stars for her treasons, and now so was I.

I was falling from the grace of the stars for a man who hated me.