Page 45 of Searching for Sadie (Mystic Falls #5)

LUCAS

L ucas was returning to his seat after a brief intermission. When Sadie had walked out at the beginning and they did a brief little catch up with her, he'd seen the trepidation in her eyes. But as the show went on, she relaxed, and so did he.

But all the relaxation was gone when they had announced they would be talking with Sadie and Ryan when they came back from the break.

He'd seen the instant way her body shifted, and she sat up straight and her brow tightened.

He wished more than anything he could sneak back like he had before and give her a hug.

He wanted to do something to feel like he was being helpful, but he was at a loss.

Helplessness was not a feeling he could tolerate, but he didn't have a choice right now.

As he sat back in his seat the cast began to filter back onto the stage. He waited for Sadie, but she was the last one to sit down. And a moment later they were counting in the cameras. His foot tapped as the woman beside him gave him a questioning glance.

"Sorry," he mumbled as he tried to calm down.

It was almost over. Then he wouldn't let her out of his sight for a long while.

"One of the most heartbreaking couples we had this year was Ryan and Sadie. Let's watch."

Lucas watched the screen as the played a montage of the couple.

He saw the early episodes where Ryan and Sadie connected without ever seeing each other.

Then it shifted to the reveal. Even in that early moment, the look on his face gave him away.

Then it cut to all the terrible things he said about Sadie behind her back, all the ways Sadie tried to make it work before sharing a final clip where Sadie decided to walk away.

When he looked at Sadie, he wasn't sure what to find.

He just hoped she didn't look as decimated as she had been when she watched the episodes air.

But to his surprise, the pleasant smile didn't leave her face.

He knew her enough to still read some uncertainty in her eyes, but to anyone who didn't know her as well it would be detectable.

"Wow," the host said, turning back to the audience. "That's a lot. Let's check in, how are you two doing after the show?"

Ryan gestures for Sadie to go first.

"Good. I've moved and am settling right in," Sadie said with a pleasant smile.

"Do you have any plans to return to Nashville?"

"Not at the moment."

"What about you Ryan?" the host said, turning to him.

"Well, I've been doing a lot of soul searching since the show. I clearly had a lot of growing to do. I actually went to visit Sadie to try and make amends."

Lucas straightened in his seat. He didn't like where this was headed.

"Is that right?" the host said, turning to ask Sadie.

Sadie was clearly thrown off by this line of conversation and as much as Lucas wanted to swing into action all he could do was sit and watch.

"Umm, yeah, he did come to see me."

"It's the cutest little town," Ryan continued. "I mean picture a small, picturesque place right down to the town square. It's like living on the set of the Gilmore Girls."

While Lucas agreed with his assessment of Mystic Falls, he didn't like it coming from Ryan. He didn't even want him to say Mystic Falls, let alone had any association with it. And the look on Sadie's face told he she felt the same way.

"Did you two reconnect there?"

"We did," Ryan said with an easy smile that Lucas could see for what it was. He was trying to save face after all the backlash for his toxic behavior on the show.

"We did not," Sadie said firmly, calling his attention over to her side of the stage.

"Tell me more," the host said.

"He came to visit me to, what did you call it, 'strategize', on how to handle the situation," Sadie said glaring at him.

Lucas' heart soared. That's it, baby. Let him have it.

Ryan stuttered, but Sadie didn't even stop. "You came to see me to get me to make you look less bad and I told you to leave. You even came to me at the mixer the other night and told me the same thing."

"Is that true?" the host asked Ryan.

"Well, I think she's twisting my words. But I get it, this has been hard on her."

"Yeah. It has been. Been really fucking hard," Sadie said.

The audience and the cast on stage all shifted surprised by her frankness.

"Just a reminder to watch your language please, we are live," said the host with a tight smile.

"I'm just being honest. I mean one of us has to be."

"Sadie, come on," Ryan said, trying to dismiss her.

"You came to my town with a producer. I was tricked into a lunch with you where you asked me to befriend you publicly on social media before I asked you to leave. Correct?"

"Well," Ryan said as he adjusted his suit jacket on the couch, sitting forward. "I have a different recollection."

"Bullshit."

"Sadie, please, language," The host tried to interrupt, but Sadie didn't even stop to acknowledge him.

"Ryan, just be honest. You wanted to change the narrative, so you didn't look as bad. You accused me of lying. You said awful things about me. Just because I chose to disengage doesn't mean you get to change the whole thing to suit you."

"And why do I look bad, Sadie? I look bad because maybe you didn't 'lie'" he said with finger quotes. "But you were misleading about your lived experience."

"How?"

"I think it would have come up."

"What?"

"You know what."

"Say it."

He crossed his arms and sat back on the couch not meeting her eyes. Lucas wanted to cheer, but the audience was quiet. Everyone's attention wrapped on what was happening.

"I know who I am. I know I'm fat. That doesn't change who I am. Has it shaped the way I see the world? Yes. But this whole thing is about falling in love without seeing each other. I am who I am because of the way I look."

Ryan just glared at her.

"I never lied or tried to be something I wasn't. When we talked about family and music and all of those things we initially bonded over, I never once lied."

"And what, I committed some big sin of not being attracted to you?" he bit at her.

Lucas's fist clenched.

"No, Ryan, it is not a big sin. It's the way you handled it. The way you made me feel like I was doing something wrong. Then the way you made me feel like I needed to change myself. You put it all on me."

The host shifted in her seat uncomfortably trying to get the control back.

"Wow, that's a lot of feelings let's bring –"

"And what, you're some martyr, and I'm the big bad guy because of my preference."

"Oh, fuck you!"

The audience gasped and Lucas was fairly certain he cheered.

"You are the bad guy because you acted like an ass.

Because you were too scared to ask yourself if it mattered.

Society has shaped the way you view women and you're an ass for not attempting to question it.

Even if you did that and you still decided there was no chemistry, which would have been fine.

You decided it was my fault. And that is why you're the bad guy. "

The whole place was silent, and jaws were on the floor.

"Sadie," he pulled back like he was going to say something, but then one of the guys next to him on the couch stopped him.

"Dude, watch it," he said in a simple warning.

"What?" Lucas looked at him surprised.

"If you don't want to solidify your villain role right now, I would shut up," another guy warned him.

"And you're an idiot," the other guys said next to him. "I mean look at her, she's a knockout."

Damn fucking right, she's a knockout, Lucas thought as he watched the drama play out.

"And don't put this on her," said one of the women next to Sadie. "You've been going behind her back this whole time. You were trying to get us to be on your side, and when none of us would you decided to get back in Sadie’s good graces, but luckily she can see right through you."

"This is bullshit! All of this fucking bullshit!"

"LANGUAGE! We are taking a break."

Once the cameras cut off Ryan stood from the couch and started to make his way over to Sadie. Lucas stood, ready to find a way to storm the stage. But before he could, one of the guys wrapped his arms around Ryan holding him back.

"Let go of me."

"Walk it off, bro."

"Fuck you," Ryan said as he turned and shoved the man.

Then two security guards took to the stage and ushered Ryan out as the crowd erupted into applause.

In a few minutes they were rolling again.

"Well, wasn't that a tense moment. Ryan has left the show and won't be joining us again. Sadie, do you have anything you would like to say before we finish?"

"I do," Sadie said as she sat up and looked at the camera.

"I want to say this to all the women out there who look like me, because there are a lot of us.

People and the world around you will try to tell you that you are not worthy of love as you are.

They will try to tell you that you need to shrink yourself, cut yourself into more digestible pieces to find love.

The diet industry is a billion-dollar industry that has to make us hate ourselves to generate profit.

That is disgusting. It shapes the way we feel about ourselves and the way we are perceived by others. "

Sadie licked her lips and looked around the stage before continuing.

"All of us here set off on a journey to find out if love was blind.

It would be easy to assume after my experience that it's not.

But who can say what the world would look like if they didn't spend so much time and effort making us hate ourselves.

If we could find value in the person and not the body.

I'm not going to say that would have changed the outcome of my story, someone an ass is just as ass. "

At that the audience gave a little rumble of laughter.

"But if we could change those things, it would give us all a fighting chance.

Now, I can't change the diet industry. None of us can do that alone.

The only thing I can do is refuse to shrink.

I will not make myself smaller for other people.

I will just find a place and the people who accept me for who I am.

And maybe if we all do that a little bit more, we can make a stand. "

She paused and everyone in the whole building was stunned in attention.

"We can show them we are all deserving of love as we are. Just as we are right now. That is what I hope some people can take away from my storyline."

At that the whole place erupted in applause.

After that the show wrapped up quickly. The cast was all stopping her to talk, but she felt so strange.

It was like the feeling of floating and looking in on herself in her own life.

She had never intended to become the voice for fat women when she started this journey.

She was just hoping to find love and have a little adventure.

But then as she made her way into the green room, she saw a man standing there beaming at her, and she realized that is exactly what she'd done. While it wasn’t the adventure, she thought she would take, it was the biggest adventure of her life, and the culmination could end in her dream job and the love of her life.

Her feet carried her as fast as they could to Lucas who just swept her up in her arms and swung her around.

"You're a badass," he said, still holding her tight.

When he finally set her down, she smiled up at him. The love shining back in his hazel eyes settled all the leftover anxiety she'd been holding on to since the show. "Let's go home."

"Yeah," he said before kissing the top of her head. "Let's go home."