Page 24 of Searching for Sadie (Mystic Falls #5)

He wagged his eyebrows at her and motioned her over with his head. She followed behind Liam. Liam Fucking James! But she was going to be cool. She could do it, even though she wasn't quite sure exactly how her knees were still holding her up.

As she turned the corner, she saw a room with a full-size keyboard, a couple guitars on the wall, and amps lining the other. But right in front of her was the most beautiful sound board she'd ever seen.

"Oh my god, an AUFX384?" she said as she walked over and examined it more closely. This was the top mixing board on the market right now. She would love to get her hands on it.

While most of her was a songwriter, she loved mixing and producing.

She loved the artistic expression of writing, but the technical aspect of making good music and layering it in just the right way to get the emotion of the song and artist into a track was an alchemy that was like none other.

She'd learned from the producers at Neon Mountain.

They'd let her mix a couple demos and it was amazing.

"Have you used one of these?" he asked.

"Not this model, but I know my way around a sound board."

"Really?" Liam asked as he crossed his arms over his chest with his brow furrows with thoughts. "We should jam sometime."

Her mouth fell open and she looked over at him. "Are you serious?"

"Yeah, I've been messing around with some stuff. I'd love to jam."

"Ummm—yeah, that'd be amazing. I would love to."

"I'd also love to hear some of your stuff," he said.

The honest curiosity in his face was refreshing. He was the kind of artist she'd hoped he would be. It was always good when you found out the famous people you've admired are actually good people.

Sadly, that wasn't as common as she'd hoped when she started in this industry. Plus, she would be playing music for Liam James, maybe they could collaborate. She took a deep breath trying to reel herself back in. She was getting ahead of herself.

"Yeah," she squeaked out. "That'd be great."

"Good, you'll have to come back."

Just then Lexi came back down the stairs. "Poppy just got here. We're going to start the show whenever you guys are done down here."

Lexi turned to head back up the stairs and Sadie knew she should follow behind her. She knew she'd come here to see the show, but still, she couldn't seem to make her feet move from the spot on the floor.

"Are you okay?" Liam asked.

"Yeah," she said, taking another deep breath even though it didn't seem to fully fill her lungs. She tried again, but still there didn't seem to be enough oxygen in the room.

"Hey," Liam said, resting a hand on her back and guiding her to the chair by the sound board. "Sit down," he said, lowering her into the chair.

"Sorry," she said. Embarrassment reddening her cheeks. She was a fucking mess in front of Liam James. "I'm not sure what came over me."

"I mean. I'd wager it's the show but that's just me," he said, kneeling down before her with his hands on her knees.

"I understand the media circus that goes with all that stuff better than anyone.

I also know all those women up there, and I adore every last one of them.

If you said you don't want to watch the show they'd understand.

.. but on the other hand, they are a safe place to watch. "

Sadie closed her eyes and finally seemed to be able to take a deep breath. "No, I can do it. The first episodes dropped won't be bad. I just, well, clearly, I'm single. It wasn't the best experience."

"I get it. If you're sure you can head upstairs, but if you need a break please come down and we can make some music."

A smile finally found her face. "Okay, sounds good."

"I'll shoot you a text later in the week and we can set something up."

"That sounds amazing."

Sadie climbed the basement stairs like she was on her way to her own execution. This would not kill her. You couldn't really die from embarrassment, right?

She'd been thrown off all day since her mom showed up, and knowing she would have to face her mom tomorrow made this all even worse.

But even though she'd only known the four women in the room upstairs for a matter of weeks, she knew Liam was right.

As she walked into the TV room she saw all of them settle with a buffet of yummy appetizers.

"Hey, do you want a drink? We have wine, beer, and I think we have some of those flavored bubbly waters."

"Wine," she said as she sat down.

Before she knew it, she was sitting with a plate of yummy food and a glass of wine in her hand and the Before First Sight Streamflix logo on a very large screen.

"Okay," she said, taking a deep breath.

Kate turned to look at her with a discerning eye. "We got you."

Sadie just nodded and swallowed down the lump in her throat.

And just like that the group of people she'd spent a couple months with showed up on the screen.

Even in just a few short interview clips, she could see the narrative forming.

She'd been very aware that there were only two girls besides her there who were plus size.

When you grow up you learn to look for the people who look like you to feel like you belong, but when you are spending the whole time being filmed it was even more important.

But by the second day of filming, she was the only one left.

When you no longer had any matches to go on your ‘blind dates’ in the rooms with, you went home.

It went from twenty women in the beginning to the six that made it to the trip before moving in together when they came back to their real lives.

After that they had to decide if they wanted to get married at the end of the six weeks.

Looking back at it know, the whole thing seemed crazy, but hindsight and all.

The dates they aired of her with Ryan were hard to watch.

It was a surreal experience to watch him charm her.

She'd fallen in love with him in that room.

The show only showed a couple conversations, but they'd spent hours in those booths talking to each other and getting to know each other.

She'd truly thought she knew who he was.

There was a clip that made her laugh in the women's living space.

There was one night that after all the dates had been finished and the woman all ended up dressing up and having a fun and silly dance off.

Those were the moments on the show she looked back and smiled on.

Even the quiet conversations on the couches about who they were dating and how they were feeling all made her happy.

Yes, there were a few pick me's, trying to cause drama.

But for the most part the vibes in that room had been supportive.

The men's room on the other hand was different. They showed a clip of him talking in the men's living space. Ryan and one of the guys who she couldn't stand were talking.

"What would you do if she's ugly?" he'd asked Ryan.

"I really don't think she is," Ryan said.

"I know, but what if she is. What if she's got red frizzy hair and a snaggle tooth?"

"Or bad breath?" another guy offered in.

"As long as she's not fat," Ryan said.

The women in the room audibly gasped and she wished she could crawl under the sofa.

Watching this show in company was a bad idea.

She should have just stayed home. She knew fat wasn’t a bad word.

Fat was a descriptor, and it was a correct descriptor of her body.

She’d long ago let of the shame of that word, but that was harder to do when it’s wielded like a weapon.

After that comment Sadie watched the show, but she was dissociating. She picked up her phone to scroll, but her had an insane number of notifications, so she just put it down and sank into the feeling of disappearing.

As her scrolled her phone a text popped up.

Rebecca – Ryan’s a douche. I hope you know that. We miss you. I know you don’t want to hang out with us, but if you want to get coffee, please let me know.

Part of Sadie wanted to text back. There had been good moments of the show. Rebecca was a wonderful woman who had fallen in love on the show. If Sadie was in a different head space maybe they could have been friends, but everything just felt so messed up.

When that episode finished, she was ready to head home.

Together they’d watched two of the episodes that dropped.

Those were the episodes that she thought would be easier to watch.

She'd been there with him in the rooms, talking to each other without seeing each other.

They'd fallen in love, at least she had.

That fatphobic comment was unexpected, but not surprising. The thought of still having ten more episodes to watch before filming the reunion seemed unbearable.As the room around her started to get up and get ready to leave, she still found herself in a bit of a fog.

"Are you okay?" Poppy asked. "That guy is a douche."

A rough chuckle erupted from somewhere deep inside of Sadie. "You have no idea. It's about to get so much worse."

"Really?" Poppy said with a face somewhere between caution and sympathy.

"Fuck dudes!" Kate exclaimed from the doorway.

"Fuck'em," Hannah echoed back.

The support did feel good, but Sadie was exhausted and ready to get home.

"I think I'm going to head home. Do you need any help cleaning up?"

"No, I got it," Lexi said as she cleared the dishes.

"Are good to go home?"

"Yeah, I'm good."

Sadie made her way out into the warm summer air.

She was hoping for a fresh breeze, but the August air still hung heavy, humid and oppressive.

Once she was in her car she cranked up her AC and turned on some girl power country music.

Shania and Martina had gotten her through some trying times. It was time to call on them again.

When she pulled into her driveway she looked over to Lucas's house.

His garage door was open, and the light was on, but she didn't see him.

There was a part of her that wanted to go hide, but there was an even bigger part of her that wanted to feel his big safe arms around her telling her she was beautiful and everything would be alright.

She should probably just go home. Yet somehow when she got out of the car she ended up standing in front of his open garage door. When he stepped out of the door heading to his work bench a single tear streamed down her face. She couldn't seem to help it.

"Sadie, what's the matter?" He set the screwdriver he'd had in his hand on his work bench as he made his way over to her.

Without saying a word, she wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed her face to his chest. The scent of cologne, musk, and wood enveloped her as one strong arm wrapped around her and the other softly petted her hair.

"What is it, Songbird?" he asked barely above a whisper.

She held him tighter as the single tear turned into multiple tears. Lucas stood there holding her, being the rock she knew he would be. Finally, he pulled back and cupped her face. His gaze searched hers for any hint of what was going on, but she just couldn't seem to get the words out.

"Do you want to come inside?" he asked.

All she could do was nod, and he instantly started to usher her in. As they climbed the two stairs into the kitchen, he pushed a button, closing the garage door behind them.

"Do you want tea? My mom always offers people tea. Or water?"

"Water's fine," she said as she stared at the pattern in the tile on his kitchen floor. She bet he laid this tile himself. She wasn't sure why but that thought made her smile.

He went to the sink and got her a glass of water before guiding her to the couch. He set the glass down next to her before sitting beside her and putting his arm around her. Letting out a sigh she took a moment to just breathe him in. This was the right decision.