Page 22 of Sean's Sunshine

Billy fought the urge hard—he really did—but as Sean’s eyes fluttered closed, he lost the battle. He bent his head and kissed Sean’s fair temple, smelling shampoo from the morning, a little bit of sweat from the walks around the park, and the scent marker that was unique to Sean only. Billy had slept with enough guys—both on screen and off by now—to know that every guy had one. Every guy smelled just a little bitthemselves, as apart from other human animals. But there was something fresh and appealing about Sean’s smell, like his animal was particularly designed for Billy’s.

An ornery smell, but not boring, right?

So Billy didn’t trust anybody to watch over Sean at night, and wouldn’t even if hehadbeen seeing anybody on the regular, which he hadn’t.

And it was getting so that he didn’t trust anybody to watch over him during the daytime either.

It wasn’t that Randy or Curtis—or even Vinnie, the new guy—were incompetent or anything. But they weren’thim. The week before, he’d gotten home—erm, to the duplex—to find that Curtis and Sean had watched two episodes of the mindless cop show Sean had been binging, and Billy had actually been jealous—jealous—of Curtis for watching the show with Sean instead of Billy.

It was stupid, absolutely stupid, to feel jealous in any way of watching the dumb cop show. If asked on any given day, Billy would have told people the damn show was idiotic and predictable and goddammit, why didn’t the people on the show realize that just having lunch with the main protagonists could get them kidnapped or killed or tortured or some such shit, because guaran-fucking-teed, if Billy knew those assholes, the only wayhe’dcommunicate with them would be snail mail. Not even email; email could get hacked on those shows, and then where would he be? Snail mail, and he’d never fucking visit, because he choselifegoddammit, that’s why. The show drove himbatshit.

But one day of seeing somebody else watching the stupid copaganda show with Sean and suddenly he wanted to be theonlyperson watching it with Sean, and he didn’t understand what his problem was. It wasn’t like they were hitting on Billy’s patient. And he hadn’t gone to help Sean because was hoping for a hookup. He’d gone because everybody seemed to be getting into the cause of the kids who’d been saved and he’d wanted to be part of that. He’d had no idea he’dlikelooking after the fractious cop. In fact that possibility hadn’t even entered into it. He’d wanted to help. Well, that and get off the air mattress or out of Henry and Lance’s spare room, also incentives for moving into the sitch with Sean.

But he was starting to really like it there. Sean was up and about more. He spent an hour walking in the park now and even threw the ball for a couple of the bigger dogs. He was slow still, yeah, and he still tired easily, but he worked at building his stamina every day. He’d also started taking an online class in de-escalation and working with the mentally ill. The tactics weren’t required by his department, which was a crying fucking shame as far as Billy was concerned, but the fact that Sean was working hardnotto be the white cop who was the devil impressed Billy more and more every day.

And he was so much fun to talk to.

Billy had started to moderate the number of times a week he stopped by Sean’s room after he’d retired. There was no more helping him to the bathroom, no more helping him to the shower or to bed. Billy still made himself responsible for meals and housekeeping and generally keeping an eye on the guy to make sure he didn’t overdo it, but the fact was, if Sean gently insisted it was time for Billy to move out now so he could have his duplex back to himself, odds were good he would be okay. His mother still stopped by once a week—Billy seemed to be a good buffer forthat—but Rivers, Henry, and Sean’s partner, Christie, also managed to visit once a week to check on him. He’d be fine.

And Billy would miss their time together. He wanted to wander into his room for those quiet, intimate talkseverynight, but he couldn’t.

How embarrassing. How needy.

He tried to limit himself to once every two or three days, but boy, did he savor them when he did give in. He hadn’t given in the night before, and Sean had a nightmare. He’d gone in for a talk two nights ago, and Billy…. Billy had taken that talk with him to bed and hugged it to his chest, heard their quiet voices in the lamplit room, saw the sleepy sweetness of Sean’s expression as Billy spoke.

Tasted the salty irritation Sean showed when someone hit his tender spots, even when Billy was doing his best not to be that guy.

Billy could remember the breathless moment when he’d asked the most obvious question in the world.

“So,” Billy said into a sudden silence. “Did you… I mean, youknewwhat I did for a living when I got here. How’d you know?”

He was not prepared for Sean’s fair skin to turn pink in the lamplight. “I’ve seen you before, remember? That first investigation with Henry. The party at Jackson and Ellery’s house over the summer. Someone says ‘the flophouse,’ and it’s almost a given what they do to end up there.”

Billy had nodded, but he was still not convinced that was it. That flush—it was pretty strong. There had to be more to it.

“Be honest,” Billy said, making his voice sly. “You’ve watched the porn, right?”

That pink grew deeper. “I don’t have a subscription,” he said with dignity, which told Billy he was skirting the truth.

“You don’t need a subscription to cruise the website, my dude. And there’s plenty of free samples.”

And that did it. Sean squeezed his eyes shut and grimaced. “I, uhm, may have looked around this summer. When Henry first started working for Jackson. Curiosity and all that.”

Billy chortled. “And…?” He held both his hands out with a “gimme-gimme” gesture. “Come on, let’s have the critique.”

Sean’s blue eyes flew to his. “You’ve very beautiful,” he said almost angrily. “You need to know that. I watch you measure your food and get on the scale and throw yourself into your workouts, but… but even if you weighed one forty and had a little pot belly, you’d still be, I dunno. Magnetic. So, you know, maybe don’t worry so much.”

Oolf. Billy dropped his hands—and his sly little grin—because he wasn’t sure what to do with that. “But?” he asked, sensing there was more.

Sean’s one-shouldered shrug was still half formed, especially when he was lying on the bed, probably because he wasn’t comfortable yet, as much as he tried to do without painkillers. But that meant he felt strongly enough about what they were talking about to move his body to do it.

“But there was none of… this,” he said, using his free arm to gesture. “This guy here. Who comes in and talks to me and makes me laugh and….” He smiled a little. “You started bringing dog treats to the park so we could feed them. I mean, the gorgeous guy without his shirt—”

“Or his pants.” That part was important.

“Or his pants,” Sean conceded. “He was there. But you? I didn’t see any of the guy I know in that video. If I didn’t know that was your job, I probably wouldn’t recognize you.”

Billy sucked in a breath, more bothered than he could even put words to. “Some detective you are,” he rasped.