Page 12 of Sean's Sunshine
Billy looked back over at Randy and mouthed, “Later. He misses cheese.”
“Oh!”
Randy came back and folded his legs to sit on the floor, and together they finished the movie. When they were done, the kid stood and dutifully took everybody’s plates, lifting Billy’s carefully from his lap. It wasn’t until then that Sean realized he’d fallen asleep, head tilted back, snoring lightly.
“All fucked out,” Randy murmured, and Sean grimaced.
“Uhm….”
“I mean, everybody thinks ‘What a way to go,’” Randy said soberly, consolidating the plates and grabbing Sean’s empty bottle of water, probably to refill it. “But it’s exhausting. And all your parts hurt—your abs, your thighs, your asshole. If you run out of lube, you’ve got rug burn in unfortunate places, and you’re starving, but your stomach hurts because you haven’t eaten for three days. And the guys who have to take chemical aids and stuff to get it up are usually queasy and buzzing. It’s a really shitty time after a scene.” He grimaced. “It’s why I was going to cook for him. We started doing that for each other in the flophouse, and I forgot. I mean….” He sighed. “The pizza was nice, but I think a homecooked meal would have been better.”
“You can cook it now,” Sean told him. “I’ve got plastic containers and stuff. That way, he can heat some up for dinner tomorrow, and you can take some to the flophouse to share.”
Randy’s face lit up. “That’s awesome!” He hushed himself. “And that way, when I’m done, the Uber can come get me.”
“Illgetchu,” Billy mumbled, crossing his arms and burrowing into the couch a little tighter.
Sean laughed softly to himself. “Go ahead and start the water boiling,” he said. “And when you’re done”—he grimaced sheepishly—“if I could get a hand up to the bathroom?”
Randy grinned. “I knew you’d have to gosometime,” he said. “Sure.”
AFTER THEbathroom, Sean had Randy help him into bed. He wasn’t quite ready to sleep yet, but he had his earbuds and his phone, and that way Billy could have the couch. He told Randy to find a throw in the closet and put it over Billy’s chest because the air conditioning was finally starting to work and it would help him sleep better.
He must have dozed off at some point, though, because his audiobook had turned off automatically and the darkness through his bedroom window was complete, with only the outside light shining through, when the hall light went on and startled him awake.
Billy’s silhouette appeared in the doorway. “Sean?”
“Mmm.” He yawned and turned carefully to his side so he could reach to tap the base of the lamp for light. “Come in.”
“Just checking on you,” Billy said, but he came in anyway and sat in the chair by the bedstand. “Wasn’t sure if Randy helped you get ready or—”
“He did fine,” Sean told him. “Even offered to help me brush my teeth. I guess someone told him his gums were really important. We had a whole discussion about flossing. Scintillating stuff.”
Billy chuckled weakly, and in the lamplight, Sean could see that Randy had been right. He looked sleepy and out of it and like he was trying to remember how to be the adult in the room.
“I don’t even know how he got home,” he said, confirming Sean’s assessment. “I was supposed to drive him, since he doesn’t have a car.”
“He said something about an Uber,” Sean told him. “He was going to make you mac and cheese with hot dogs before he left.”
Billy smiled slightly and nodded. “Yeah. He did. It looks like he made a double batch and took some for the guys too. That was sweet. He’s a mess sometimes, but he really is a good kid.”
“So fucking young,” Sean said, and then could have bitten his tongue. He didn’t want Billy to think he was being condescending or pitying or anything, but there was such a difference. Billy was obviously a few years older, but more than that, he was wiser and more seasoned in almost every aspect of the adult world. With Billy the porn felt like a practical choice, but with Randy it felt like an accident that he just kept falling into.
To his surprise, though, Billy agreed with him.
“He drives us all crazy,” he said. “Because on screen, it looks great. He looks at a guy and goes, ‘I’m going to fuck your asshole until you scream,’ and the porn isfantasticbecause he does exactly what he says, and the guy comes until his eyes roll back in his head and he can’t use real words. But then you see Randy in real life and realize that he says that because he sayseverythingas he thinks it, and you realize that he hasnofilter, and that it’s only sexy in porn because you think it’s attached to a grown-up who doesn’t have six-thousand allergies and can’t eat cheese.”
“In a kid who still cries duringThe Lion King….” Sean tried to finish the thought, but Billy beat him to it.
“It’s fucking tragic,” Billy said, nodding. “And he’s not stupid. I helped him with his GED, and I got to see his grades from high school before he got kicked out of the house. He was an honors student, man. But some kids are old at sixteen, and some kids can be married and have kids and still need someone to slap them upside the head and say ‘Think,pendejo, think!’ You know what I’m talking about?”
Sean let out a sad chuckle. “Yeah. Yeah, I do. Henry says it a lot—that just because the guys in the apartment have working penises, that doesn’t mean they’re adults. I don’t think I really got it until today.”
Billy shot him an evil grin. “You mean my big Bambi eyes didn’t make you all melty inside?”
Sean snorted—or tried to, but still no air. “You’ve been kicking my ass six dozen ways to Sunday. I think we’re pretty even on the adulting scale.”
Billy let out a chuff of air that might have been a chuckle, but then he sobered. “Sorry about falling asleep. I always forget, you know? How wiped out you get.”