Page 75 of Scent to the Feral Cowboys

Even if we got the new fields planted…

Even if we finally eradicated the Larkspur…

Even if… Even if… Even if…

There was no completion without an Omega.

Halfway home, I got that familiar urge again.

To run away.

Levi.

The pencil snapped between my fingers with a sound that seemed to echo in the tiny, overcrowded bedroom we called an office. I stared at the broken halves, yellow paint flecking off onto my financial ledger where I'd been recording our monthly expenses. I kept this physical copy just in case the software went down. You couldn’t be too careful.

The ledger showed numbers in the black—a refreshing change from the years of red that had preceded our recent successes. Our bank account looked healthier than ever, Cooper’s broker always working magic, but our bodies and minds were another story entirely.

"Order more pencils," I wrote on my reminders pad, using the pointed half of the busted pencil. I tossed the abused number two into the trash can, where it joined many other members of its yellow family.

On second thought though…

I fished the two halves out of the waste bin.

I lined them up precisely, pushing them back together almost seamlessly. Almost. You could still see the faint fracture line.

How easy life could be if that’s all it took to mend the biggest breaks.

I stood up, suddenly restless, and walked out of the office.

The house was too quiet, everybody lost inside themselves and going separate ways.

Boone would be out fighting Larkspur.

Cooper was probably in the kitchen ruining another recipe.

Wyatt kept disappearing into town, coming back half alive and reeking of beer and bad decisions. He’d done that just last night. One of the trucks was gone.

Wade tried to be in a million places at once, doing anything he could think of to keep moving. He’d gone to town this morning for greenhouse supplies. When was the last time he’d slept?Really slept.Not those cat naps his body forced him into.

We were fraying at the edges, all of us. The strain of waiting for Eros to find us a match was reaching a fever pitch. It wouldn’t be overboard to say we were literally dying.

I rubbed my temples, feeling the beginnings of a headache blooming there, as I slowly moved through the house. I needed a glass of water and a pain killer. I'd been working for hours already, since before dawn, and it wasn’t because the books needed to be checked. It was because I needed to be busy. Guess I couldn’t fault Wade for favoring constant labor over rest; it would be hypocritical.

I hesitated at the threshold of the kitchen once I arrived. Cooper was here, as predicted. He was facing away from me, gripping the counter and staring down at an open cookbook. The place was a mess, pots and pans everywhere. His laptop was open on the dining table, screen displaying his email inbox. NO new messages. Nothing from Eros. Cooper’s Alpha scent was pungent, vinegar notes ruining the normally delicious cologne.Smelling him made me feel more anxious. I couldn’t handle that right now.

No matter how I analyzed the situation, no matter how I calculated and hoped for a different solution, the answer was always going to be an Omega.

A wave of anxiety crashed over me. The house felt too small, too enclosed. If I stayed in here a minute longer, I was going to end up computing the exact force needed to slam my body through a wall. I needed to do what Boone did when he felt the pressure building—get out of the house, get some fresh air. Maybe get bit by a rattlesnake and peace out from life entirely. Hell, I’d already run the cost analysis on a no-frills funeral. Though, I might come back and haunt my pack if they got me a cheap ass coffin that couldn’t keep even the worms at bay.

The thought was darkly appealing for a moment, and that scared me. I'd never been prone to morbidity, but lately, my mind had been wandering down gloomy paths.

An invisible, ever-present band around my chest tightened.

I turned around, walking back to the living room and out the front door. Don’t even think I closed the damn thing after leaving. I wasn’t even wearing shoes, but I didn’t care. I just kept moving, past the shadows of the porch and out into sunlight.Where to go? What to do?

The new house caught my eyes.

It looked like it was finished now that the outside was put together. Windows installed and the front door closed, just waiting for someone to knock. An onlooker with less information might think we already lived there.