Page 181 of Scent to the Feral Cowboys

I pressed my forehead against the cool glass.

“Why aren’t you leaving?” I asked myself out loud. “Why don’t you want to leave?” I changed the question, because this hit closer to the truth.

The Eros email paved the way for my escape. The Alphas left the choice in my hands. So why was I hesitating?

NottheAlphas…MyAlphas.

Five men who, despite our rocky beginning, had shown me endless patience and consideration.

My grandparents would like them.The thought came unbidden, making my chest tight. Grandpa would play chess with Levi, enjoying his calculating mind. Grandmother would make a mess in the kitchen with Cooper, teaching in the secret to a perfect sunflower butter sandwich. She’d have Wyatt and Wade wrapped around her finger in no time. And Boonewouldn’t have to do anything to make them love him. He was so easy to care about.

I pulled my face away from the window, forehead the opposite of feverish.

The truth was, I hadn't felt this safe in years. Not since long before Grandpa died and Grandmother forgot me. Not since I still believed I could be the Black Swan and dance on international stages.

I laid back down, pulling the sheets over me and curling into the fetal position. After lying there a moment, staring into the dark, I rolled over and snagged the quilt off the floor. I hugged it to my body. Closing my eyes, I tried to call sleep by faking it. When that failed, I counted ducks. Wade’s Canvasback ones from the lake. They were gliding over the water, reddish heads catching fire beneath the sun.

One…

Two…

Four…

Dawn creptthrough my window before I wanted it to, highlighting the evidence of my sleepless night. I sat up, examining my restless handiwork.

Twisted sheets.

Pillows on the floor.

The quilt I’d pulled onto the bed—because it was the nearest thing I had to Grandmother’s starlight one—was stuffed against the windowsill, possibly pushed there in the middle of thenight because I’d gotten cold and my half-awake brain couldn’t function enough to close the window.

I still felt exhausted, so I couldn’t have slept for long. I felt empty, like someone had scooped out my insides to make a human jack-o’-lantern. Only, they’d forgotten to add the light at the end. So, I was not only hollow, but full of shadows too. I ran my fingers through my tangled hair, doing little good. Everything was such a mess.

“I’ll leave today,” I whispered, trying to mean the words.

The Eros email came into my head. Something about a form, about signatures. Did that need to be done first? I wouldn’t mind waiting a little longer, just to make sure everything was squared away properly.

You’re finding excuses.

To stay.

A little voice inside taunted me.

A soft knock at the door startled me out of my thoughts.

“Nelly, you awake?” Wade’s unmistakable voice pushed through the solid wood entrance.

I wasn’t sure I could face him, or any of them, right now.

Another knock, slightly louder, came when I didn’t respond.

"Just a minute," I called, hoping down from the bed, pulling the plaid shirt I’d been sleeping in further down my thighs. It rode up again the second I started walking. The hardwoods felt solid beneath my feet, grounding me when everything else seemed to be floating away. With a deep breath that did little to steady me, I gripped the knob and opened the door.

And nearly staggered backward from the sensory assault on the other side.

All five of my Alphas stood crowded in the narrow hallway, their combined chemistries hitting me with physical force. Campfire, whiskey, nutmeg, paper, grass, rain, horses and hay. Those notes layered with undercurrents of hope and worry andunmistakable desire. It was too much, and caused my Omega instincts to respond in kind, florals pluming into the air to join their already potent cloud.

I gripped the doorframe to keep my balance as I fought the desire vibrating through every inch of my body. This was bad. All any one of them need do was step towards me in this moment and reach for me. The slightest touch would send me tumbling over the edge. Thankfully, they kept their distance. Unfortunately, the men remaining still didn’t stop me from wanting to cross the distance for them.