Page 8 of Scarred in Silence

“Then so be it,” I snap back.

“How long will you be gone? We have a job tomorrow.”

“As long as it takes. Have Ronan cover for me. I’ll call you when it’s done.”

I end the call.

If Astra is going to be the death of me… then I’ll make sure she rots too.

3

Astra

The dark, star-filled sky twinkles down upon me. The tide washes up onto the shoreline, skimming over my bare feet. The water is cooling under the dark night sky.

My blonde hair is spread out into the sand, and my back sinks into the wet sand. I take a deep breath as I listen. The sounds of water flowing soothe me, as my mother never had. My eyelids are heavy from baking in the sun all day.

I lie flat in the sand and roll the round, blue pill between my fingers. I’m at a crossroads.

If I take the pill, I will wake up in the morning. I will be groggy, wishing for another. I love how Valium makes me feel in the moment—weightless, but I hate how I feel the next day. I hate remembering—feeling.

I prop myself up on my elbow as I take the pill anyway. Maybe I can do both.

I stare into the dark ocean. The waves are angry, crashing against the rocks with vengeance. The waves call to me, as they always have.

I stare into the water, letting the waves hypnotize me.

Iwonder what it feels like to be water.

I stand on heavy legs and slowly press my feet into the sand, one by one. Taking in the melting sensation. The cold water hits my shins hard, knocking me off balance, but I catch my footing by pressing all of my weight into my heels.

I step further into the ocean, letting the water reach my waist. My shorts cling to my body, and my hands skim the top of the water at my sides. I guide myself to a calmer spot and let my feet rise to the top of the water.

My ears submerge into the ocean, as my hair floats freely. The water rocks me gently. The salt stings in my eyes and burns in my nose, but I welcome it.

I let the water carry me as I rest my eyes. I feel my body growing heavy from the pill. Panic filters into my body, threatening to pull me under, but I am like water. I am powerful.

I take a deep breath, continuing to float away at sea. The minutes feel like hours, as I hum “All I Want” by Kodaline to myself as I drift into the black abyss.

In this moment, all I feel is… free.

I don’t remember how much it hurts to have lost my sister. Or how my parents will always hate me. Or how Lucien, the one person who saw me—who heard me, left me so easily. A tear rolls down my cheek, meshing with the liquid enveloping me.

I’m easily forgotten, always the shadow in the room.

A bright light shines over my face. How long have I been floating?

I pry my eyes open and stare into the blinding flashlight. No.

He’s not here. I’m alone in the sea.

The drugs make me hallucinate sometimes. I quickly sink my feet into the sand below me, rubbing my eyes to rid them of salty water.

He IS here, but why?

“W-what are you doing here?” My words strangled in my throat.

He shines the light at me brightly, as the water continues to crash angrily onto the nearby shore.