Page 69

Rachel

Two weeks later, I stood at Dante’s side as we laid Crash to rest.

“In The Stars” by Benson Boone played out of the speakers as we walked through the club grounds, heading towards the graveyard. Dante led the way, pushing Crash’s prized motorbike behind the hearse carrying the coffin, whilst we trailed behind him.

Mama was a wreck. She hadn’t spoken a word in the two weeks since Crash had passed.

In fact, she had barely left her room. She wasn’t eating; she wasn’t sleeping.

All she seemed to do was lay on her back and stare at the ceiling.

Even I had begun to feel sorry for her and tried taking food into her, but whenever I went to collect it later on, she had barely touched it.

She had lost the will to live when Crash had gone.

I didn’t know how to handle it. I tried to remember what my therapist had once told me about the grieving process and reminded myself there were steps.

No one could say how long those steps would take, and all we could do was show Mama we were here for her and let her come to us when she was ready.

Bee wasn’t much better. She had lost a man she considered her uncle, she had lost her Papa, and she may as well have lost her grandma as well, since Mama was currently no better than a corpse that just hadn’t died yet.

Men from charters up and down the country had travelled to pay their respects and were either walking with us or slowly riding their bikes at the back of the line.

They had been arriving over the last couple of days, and upon every group's arrival, they had gone straight to church and had their secret meetings.

Meetings I was no longer privy to.

Dante rarely told me anything anymore, and it truly felt as though I had lost a piece of him when his dad died .

The first night, we went home, and I watched with the rest of the old ladies as he was sworn in as president. It was a formality more than anything and basically involved the rest of the club voting him in, and him accepting his responsibilities. There was then a change in rank.

Vienna was the new vice president, which was no surprise.

A man called Riley had taken over as peacemaker.

I had rarely spoken to Riley and actually wasn’t even aware of his existence in the club.

Jenna had grinned at me when I whispered this and said that’s what made him so perfect.

He stuck to the shadows, seeing, hearing, but never making himself known.

He’d be the perfect guy to deal with rats and moles.

Hacksaw kept his job as secretary, which was ideal for him, as he loved dealing with computers.

Shark had graduated from roadrunner to treasurer, which had been Macbeth’s job.

We soon found out that Macbeth had been paying the Rider’s for their protection long before shit hit the fan.

That’s another reason they had been so keen to help him.

They were struggling financially, and Macbeth’s pin money was the perfect aid to keep them afloat.

Trent had replaced Shark as road runner, and Ant became the new Sergeant at arms.

Doc was still the doc; Tools continued to work the garage – although they were closed for the mourning period.

Sunshine helped out at the garage, same as he always did.

Monster was still in charge of the dogs.

James graduated from prospect to full-blown, patched in member.

That left Chicken, Rooster, Liam and Chris bringing up the numbers.

They were recruiting for more prospects, and they had a few lads hanging around as potentials, but I hadn’t bothered to get to know any of them.

Malfoy – Noob – had crawled out of the woodwork and had sent a letter offering his condolences.

Twit. Who the fuck sent letters in this day and age?

Vienna had ridden to wherever he was hiding and offered him a role back in the club, and apparently Malfoy was thinking it over. He just didn’t want to arrive whilst tempers were flared.

Understandable, really.

I didn’t want to be here whilst tempers were flared, either, and I wasn’t beaten to a pulp like he was .

I had also heard talk of a few members from other charters staying here, but again, I hadn’t bothered to find any of this out.

I was waiting for Dante to tell me, but Dante was keeping his distance.

I didn’t feel like an old lady anymore. I felt like someone he kept around for convenience.

I had held him in my arms after the swearing in ceremony and listened as he cried. It was the first time I had ever seen him cry, and all I could do was hold him and murmur soft words of comfort, knowing that it would never be enough.

But then, as soon as the morning came, all traces of sadness and sorrow were gone. He took a leaf out of my book and portrayed a blank, stoic expression ninety percent of the time.

And fuck me, I finally got it, because that shit was annoying.

I tried my best to speak to him, but he brushed me off every time and told me to deal with Bee. She needed her mother.

I spent every waking second with Bee, and she was slowly adjusting and bouncing back to being that quirky, funny little girl we all loved.

Kids had that unique ability to adjust and adapt to whatever life threw at them.

Dante told me I was doing a good job with her, and I remember giving him a tight smile.

He wasn’t around to see what happened when she went to sleep and wasn’t in control of her brain.

The girl was suffering with extreme night terrors and had even started wetting the bed again. And Dante would be aware of that, if only he would speak to me. But he was sequestered away in church, plotting and planning.

I pretty much lived in terror most of the time.

I caught snippets of conversations here and there – mainly from the men from other charters.

They hushed up whenever they saw me, but it was enough for me to know that they were biding their time, gathering weapons and ammo, in order to strike at the Riders once the funeral was over.

I should have expected it, really. Dante’s biggest argument was that Crash hadn’t waited until they were fully prepared before he launched a full-scale attack. Dante wanted to wipe the Riders out once and for all.

However, I had also attended more than one Sin meeting with the old ladies, and we knew the Riders were also putting their all into gathering as many men and weapons as they possibly could.

With Nico as the new president, he had already brought in a bunch of men from the other charters he had been a member of.

As of right now, they had strength in numbers that out powered the Devils.

Bee reached for my hand, and I grasped it tightly, watching as Crash’s headstone was put into place.

Crash hadn’t wanted a traditional burial.

He had been cremated, and his ashes were to be taken to his favourite spot, and then distributed amongst the men.

They were going to ride through the hills and spread his ashes, allowing his final resting place to be an area he had loved so much.

Apparently, it was where he had proposed to Mama, and where they had held their small wedding ceremony.

The headstone was mainly to commemorate him in the biker graveyard as a sign of respect, since all the leaders and big players had their own spot here. It also gave Bee somewhere to come and visit, and remember her Papa.

I dared to sneak a glance at Dante as the headstone was lowered into place, and the vicar gave his usual speech about being laid to rest, and not to weep.

His face was as stoic as ever, and he kept his hands clenched at his sides. Another way of shutting me out. He wouldn’t allow me to hold him and comfort him, not in front of all the men. He had a role to play, and that role was as the fierce, powerful leader.

It was a role he had thrust upon himself. Crash had no problem showing emotion, but in Dante’s eyes, that is what had made Crash weak and vulnerable.

I could almost hear his thought process.

Despite him no longer uttering a word to me, I knew what he was thinking.

He was thinking if Crash had shut off his emotions a bit better, and guarded his vulnerability, he might still be here.

He wouldn’t have run into a fight and brought the war back home.

So, Dante shut down and refused to show what he thought was weakness.

Which was a bit fucking ironic really, considering that Dante had lectured me so heavily about being a robot, and not truly living my life hiding behind blankness and coldness.

I looked back at the vicar and sighed. There was no point wasting my time anymore. Dante was making his choices, and I don’t know why I was surprised .

He had told me from day one that all he wanted from an old lady was someone to raise his children and suck his dick on command.

I was raising his child, and he had yet to request his dick sucking since he had become president, so I guess I was doing a good job.

Except… I had thought we were becoming something more. I thought that the initial threats he’d thrown at me were mere distant memories. Something to laugh about. We had reached a sort of mutual understanding of one another, and it genuinely felt like we were in a good place.

It was a place that was toxic and disgusting for some to imagine their relationship being, but it was perfect for us. It was progress.

I had been a fool.

I hadn’t even had a chance to tell him about the baby. Every night, I would swear to myself that I would tell him the next day. But then he wasn’t there when I woke up, he wasn’t there at breakfast, and he wasn’t anywhere to be found during the day.

That’s a lie. He was easily found. He was always at church, a place I was well and truly banished from, along with the rest of the old ladies.

Do it today. Do it today before he does something stupid.

Maybe the thought of a helpless baby, his baby, would stop him from going after the Riders. It would stop any more unnecessary bloodshed.

So, as soon as the vicar finished his speech, I braced myself, ready to grab Dante before he could run off anywhere.

Crash’s bike was placed next to his headstone, and a few of the men gave speeches. All the while, my fingers drummed against my thigh impatiently, waiting for the ceremony to end.

Dante moved forward when Vienna had finished his speech and stood next to Crash’s headstone. I expected him to give a speech of his own. Instead, he climbed on the bike, nodded at the men, and rode off.

My mouth fell open as I watched all the men leave, heading towards their own bikes.

“Where are they going?” I asked Jenna.

“Did no one tell you?” She asked, a shocked look on her face .

“Evidently not.”

“Well… They’re going for a ride. Crash’s bike belongs to Dante now.

Trent has been organising the ride for the past two weeks.

A sort of ‘breaking it in’ ride, so to speak.

They’re riding to celebrate Crash’s life, and the new chapter of the Devil’s, with Dante in charge.

It’s why they’ve not been on their weekly ride as a club since he passed away.

All rides are cancelled as a mark of respect, and the first one after the president dies is always after the funeral. ”

“No one tells me anything around here.”

“I’d have told you if I knew you didn’t know,” Jenna replied, a hurt look on her face.

“Shit. I know. I’m sorry. I know you would have.”

“It’s okay, Rachel. Sometimes it’s easy to forget you haven’t been here long.

You’ve become such a huge part of my life, what with Sin and everything else.

It’s hard to remember you don’t have all the knowledge some of us other old ladies have.

Shit, even I forget until it's needed – like the riding ceremony today.”

“Do you know when they’ll be back?”

“I’ve no idea,” she shrugged. “Hey… Rachel?”

“Oh, God. I don’t like the way you just said my name. What? What now?”

“What have you heard about tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow?” I said, my voice coming out as a squeak.

“It didn’t even occur to me that you wouldn’t know. Shark told me two days ago. I just assumed Dante would have told you, too. But, if he hasn’t even told you about the ride tradition…”

“Bee, go and see Grandma,” I said to the little girl still clinging to my hand.

“I want to stay with you,” she replied, tightening her grip.

“I’ll be right with you, sweetheart. I promise. Just go and see Grandma and make sure she’s okay, yeah?”

She nodded, and I breathed a sigh of relief as she walked away. I already knew I wasn’t going to like what Jenna had to say.