Page 26

We headed to the arcades first, and she had a ball with the two pence slot machines.

Dante paid the guy behind the desk fifty quid to give her any prize she wanted when Bee wasn’t looking, and she came out with a Stitch teddy more than half her size, for the grand total of all the five tickets she won from the machine.

I couldn’t help but smile at her as we walked to get some food.

She proudly displayed her teddy for all the strangers to see.

Her little back was arched as she struggled to carry it, but she wouldn’t let go.

She told everyone who would listen that she won it herself, without a single bit of help from her Mummy and Daddy.

My heart skipped a beat at hearing her call me her mummy. I didn’t know if she meant it, or she was just repeating what someone had already asked her. A kind, elderly lady had seen Bee’s wide grin and had bent down to admire the teddy.

“How wonderful! Did your Mummy and Daddy help you with that?”

Bee had grown silent for a second before shaking her head. “Mummy doesn’t like those machines. She said they’re all rigged to take our money. And Daddy was too busy twirling her hair and holding her hand to help. I did it all myself.”

Dante hadn’t even seemed the slightest bit embarrassed. He simply pulled me even closer to him, earning a big grin from Bee.

But still. The interaction played on my mind. Especially as Bee was now referring to me as her mum without hesitation. She was watching the street, trying to catch people’s eyes. And if she did, she told them how useless her mummy and daddy were, and how talented she was.

It was cute, and I was overthinking.

What else was new?

“What did you think of that?” Dante murmured in my ear as Bee settled down to eat her KFC lunch.

“Of what?” I asked, sitting the Stitch teddy next to me, earning me a nod of approval from Bee.

“You know what. Of her calling you her mummy. ”

“I don’t know,” I said honestly, keeping my voice low.

Bee had chosen to sit at the small table with the colouring pens two tables over from us, so I knew she couldn’t hear what we were saying, but I still kept my responses quiet, just in case.

“I always knew it might happen in time. I just don’t want her to feel as though she has to, or that she’s being forced in any way.

I don’t want to be Laura’s replacement, but I want her to be comfortable enough with me to be able to call me what she feels is right. ” I mumbled in a rush of words.

“She adores you, Rachel. She knows she has a mother. We’ve never kept Laura’s memory from her.

She has pictures, videos on an old phone, and even some of Laura’s old toys.

She knows Laura existed. But Bee is young.

Really young. She only had Laura for the first six months of her life.

She doesn’t remember anything. She only knows what we’ve told her.

The girl needs a mother, and she’s chosen you. ”

“I know, but—”

“No, listen to me,” he said, scooting slightly closer.

He placed his hands on my knees and looked at me, his eyes scanning my face.

“I know this sounds harsh, but it’s the truth.

Bee doesn’t see Laura as her mum. Laura is the woman we’ve told her is her mother.

She sees pictures of Laura holding her as a baby, and she sees pregnancy videos, but they’re not her memories.

They don’t belong to her. They are things we have planted in her mind.

She considers Laura her mother because we’ve told her so.

But there’s no love there. She doesn’t miss Laura.

She misses what she never had. She misses the thought of a mother.

And I know saying that will have mothers up and down the country raging at me, but it’s true.

There’s no love towards Laura. What there is, is a hole in her life where a mother should be.

Bee wants someone real, not memories that belong to everyone else. And she’s chosen you.”

“And you’re absolutely certain you haven’t told her to call me mum?”

“Of course not,” he said, his eyebrows raising. “It’s not my place to force that on her.”

“Should I mention it to her?” I asked, chewing my lower lip.

“If you want. See if she does it again on her own terms. Today, she had other people referring to you as mummy. Maybe she felt uncomfortable. Maybe she felt like it suited. All we can do is talk to her. Let’s give her a few days, see how she continues to act, and then we can all sit down as a family and talk through it. Deal?”

“Deal,” I grinned. I opened my mouth to say something else when his phone started ringing.

“Shit.” Dante hissed, looking down at the phone. “It’s Crash. I better answer.”

I nodded, and he stood up and went outside, bringing the phone to his ear as he did so. I glanced over at Bee, who was scribbling away on a piece of paper, her tongue hanging out of the corner of her mouth as she concentrated on her masterpiece.

Did she really see me as her mum? Could I actually be that lucky to have this amazing little thing in my life permanently?

Bee had always been my reason for staying. Even when I first arrived, she had kept me glued when all I wanted to do was flee. The second she had poked her head around my door and offered me pancakes and bacon, I had fallen in love with her.

I had always kept my distance from the children I had been an au pair for. I was friendly. I was loving. But I didn’t love them, because I knew I would eventually have to leave.

Leaving Joseph had hurt me, but leaving Bee would fucking destroy me.

She had once whispered to me, “please let me keep you,” and yet I could hardly believe it was possible that I would get to keep her.

“We’ve got to go,” Dante said suddenly, appearing out of nowhere and making me jump halfway out of my seat.

“Go? What do you mean, ‘go’?” I breathed, holding my chest as my heart beat wildly. “You scared the shit out of me, by the way! And we’re supposed to be spending the day with Bee.”

“I know, but Crash has called church.”

“Of fucking course he has,” I snapped, flopping back in my seat and folded my arms, scowling at Dante. That familiar temper was rearing its ugly head again. “He knew what we were doing, Dante. This isn’t fucking fair.”

“He wouldn’t have done it if it wasn’t needed.” He replied, already gathering up our belongings.

“Sure, he wouldn’t.”

“Rachel don’t start. Please.”

I simply rolled my eyes. Sometimes it felt as though I was in competition with the club.

This wasn’t the first time Crash had called a church meeting when Dante and I were spending quality time together, and I doubted it would be the last. The most frustrating thing was anything he had to talk about could wait.

It didn’t need discussing straight away.

It never did. Never once had Dante come out of church and immediately rushed off somewhere.

But Crash had to have an immediate plan in mind, even if the plan wasn’t enforced straight away.

“So what is it this time? Kitty changed shampoo brand, and he doesn’t like the smell?”

“Don’t be fucking ridiculous,” he tutted, rolling his eyes at me.

“I’m not being ridiculous, Dante. We promised once a week, me, you, and Bee. The very first fucking outing and it’s already being cut short.”

“In fairness, Rachel, you planned this day out without saying a word. I woke up this morning none the wiser. I warned you that things would be tricky whilst this… business was wrapped up.” He said, throwing a sideways glance at the couple at the next table over.

“So, what is it, then?”

“Not here,” he nodded slightly at the couple.

“Yes. Here.”

He sighed and placed both hands on the table. I sucked a breath in as his scent invaded my senses, sending a flash of desire through me. Even more so when he leant down to murmur in my ear. “Those prospects who went brick laying this morning? They’ve come across a mole.”

“Okay,” I said slowly, nodding my understanding.

Fuck me, he smells delicious. Is it possible to be addicted to the way a man smells?

I was.

“Mac has turned up. He’s with the Riders right now.”

“Wait… That means—”

“That means either war or mediation. We don’t know what the Riders are planning, but we need to be prepared.”

“Shit,” I breathed, pulling back slightly to stare at him.

He nodded at me. “Shit indeed. So, can we get going?”