Page 28

Rachel

Dante had dropped us off at home and immediately went to church, so I settled Bee at the dining table with some of her homework. We sat together and went through her math work for the week whilst we waited for the pizza I had ordered for dinner to arrive.

“You okay there, honey?” I asked, tapping my finger on her paper and giving her a huge smile of encouragement, letting her know she had got the answer right.

She nodded at me. “I’m okay. Can I have a drink, please?”

“Sure. Milk?”

She nodded again. “Thank you, Rachel.”

Shit .

Dante had said we would wait to see how she continued to address me before we spoke to her. But surely this was the perfect opportunity to broach the topic – even if it was just a gentle questioning before Dante and I spoke to her together. He wouldn’t mind, I was sure of it.

“You’re welcome,” I replied, pouring some milk into one of her plastic cups and brought it over to her. “Can I talk to you for a second? Would you mind putting the pen down?” I sat back in the seat opposite her and watched her closely.

She did as she was asked, and I took a deep breath before I spoke again. “When you called me Rachel just now… is that what you want to call me?”

She nodded again, looking down at the table.

“That’s okay, sweetie.” I reached across the table to hold her hand.

“I want you to be comfortable. I know you called me ‘mummy’ earlier, and I just wanted to let you know, you don’t have to call me that.

I would love it if you did, but I also want you to be happy.

If you want to call me Rachel, that’s okay. ”

“The lady called you my mummy…” she whispered .

“She did. How did that make you feel? Can you remember?” I prodded gently, stroking my fingers over the back of her hand.

“Happy.”

“It made you happy?” she nodded her response. “That’s good. Because all me and your daddy want is for you to be happy, you know that don’t you?”

“But I also felt sad,” she said so softly I barely heard her.

“How come?”

“Because… Because…” she huffed, tears coming to her eyes.

“Were you sad because it’s all a bit confusing?” I asked, trying not to put words into her mouth, but also trying to help her process such complex emotions for her young age.

“I have a mummy already. And now I have you as a mummy, too.”

“You do. And your mummy was a wonderful, amazing person. We don’t ever want you to forget her. Calling me mummy doesn’t make her stop being your mummy. Sometimes families are a bit difficult like that.”

“Did you have two mummy’s like me?”

“No,” I said honestly. “But my friend had two daddies when we were little.”

“Her daddy died?” She sniffed, looking incredibly sad and small.

“No, he didn’t die, sweetie. She had two daddies because her dad was married to another man.”

“Like Hacksaw?”

Hacksaw was gay? Well, blow me down.

“Hacksaw has a boyfriend?”

“That’s what Nanny said.”

“Well, yeah, it’s similar to that, then.”

“But you didn’t marry my mummy.”

I gave a small laugh. “I know. I told you, families can be so complicated and confusing. But do you know what the brilliant thing about families is?”

She shook her head, no. “The amazing thing about families is they come in all shapes and sizes. Some have just a daddy. Some have two mums. Some children live only with their grandparents, and some children live with older siblings. There are no rules. Just like there are no rules to how you feel about everything that’s happening here.

So, I’ve got an idea I’d like to share.”

“Okay.”

“How about this… when you feel happy and comfortable, you can call me mummy. But on the days when you miss your mummy, and you feel sad, or you feel like mummy doesn’t fit, you can call me Rachel. I’ll always respond to both. How does that sound?”

“I’m allowed to do that?”

“Of course you are!” I squeezed her hand gently. “You can call me whichever makes you happiest that day. And I’ll be happy to hear either of them. Does that sound like a good plan?”

“Yep!” she beamed, her face much brighter than it had been. “Thank you Rac—Mummy.”

I let go of her hand and shook my head with a small laugh as I watched her go straight back to her homework.

God, I loved the bones off this child!

She was amazing. I couldn’t imagine how confused she was feeling right now. If I struggled to follow the timeline of recent events, I had no idea how she was handling it all and taking it all in her stride. But handling it, she was.

She was such an intelligent child – and not just in terms of street smarts, which were far more advanced than any other child I had known.

She was incredibly gifted at Math and was working at two levels above where she should be for her numbers.

Although, that was hardly surprising considering she was around the club all the time listening to them take stock or doing income and expenditure.

Children were like sponges and absorbed what they were exposed to.

I did have a slight worry, though. If she was listening this closely to the numbers, what else was she listening to?

I knew Dante tried to keep her protected from the more violent aspects of club life, often at the expense of his relationship with his daughter, as it meant he couldn’t spend as much time with her as he liked. But that didn’t mean she wasn’t listening and watching.

So long as she spent her childhood here, she was exposed to whatever went on, whether we liked it or not .

Just as we were moving on from Math to her English lessons, Mama came into the kitchen, looking as though she had aged two decades in the space of a day.

“You alright?” I asked her as she flicked the kettle on.

“What do you think?” She all but spat at me.

“I think you’ve been through something no mother should have to go through. And for that, I’m sorry. But I also think you’re taking it out on the wrong person. I’m not the enemy here.”

“Really? Because this never happened before you turned up.”

“No, it didn’t. You’re right. It happened after I arrived, but it also happened after God knows how long of planning. This wasn’t something that happened overnight, and my arrival here was pure coincidence. This had been meticulously planned for possibly months before—”

“Dante told Crash that Callum only agreed to Macbeth’s plans because you were the bait. So, try again, Rachel. Try once more to tell me how you’re not responsible for the mess that is currently my family?”

“You’re grieving. As heartless as I may be, I’m not going to fight with a hurting mother.

You need to find a way to process this that doesn’t include laying the blame at my feet.

The mere fact that Callum was only onboard after I came into Dante’s life shows you that Macbeth had presented the plan to them more than once.

Think about that, Katherine. Also, think about what you’re saying, and, more importantly, who you’re saying it in front of.

” I nodded my head towards Bee, sharpening my tone.

To my surprise, she sighed heavily and sat down next to me. “I’m sorry, Rachel. You’re right. I’m just trying to work out in my head how this has all happened. What was the breaking point? What drove my first-born son to run to our enemies and betra—”

“I think we’ve said enough,” I interrupted, getting to my feet.

My phone buzzed with a message at that exact moment.

“That’s the delivery guy. Why don’t you stay here with Bee, and I’ll go bring in dinner.

Eat with us, Mama,” I offered, trying not to cringe at that name on my tongue.

“It’ll do you good to be surrounded by family. ”

“Thank you,” she said sadly. I hesitated as I went to place a comforting hand on her shoulder, before deciding it was too much and walked away, giving Bee a small wave as I went. I mouthed ‘be good’ to her, gave her one last smile, and walked through the door.

I knew Dante’s mother was hurting, but I was about at my limit.

I couldn’t offer her comfort. I didn’t feel like comforting her, if truth be told.

I could almost understand why Macbeth had turned his back on his parents.

He had everything taken from him and had to watch whilst it was handed to Dante.

That didn’t excuse him for betraying the club and his brothers, but I could understand why he might feel strained towards his parents.

Bee was right. Families were fucking complicated. And it didn’t get any easier the older you got.

“Hurry up,” Kitty said just before I was out of earshot. “The club is on a strict shoot on sight policy.”

Delightful people all round.

I walked towards the door, pulling out my phone as it pinged with another message, before I scowled down at the screen.

Are you planning on coming to collect this pizza or should I throw it on the ground?

I should just let this prick get shot!

I grabbed the door handle and yanked it open, letting it crash off the wall as I stormed out.

“Oi,” I shouted to the man in the car, who started to come out with the pizza. “What the fuck is with this message? You gave me thirty seconds after the arrival message before sending me this shit?” I waved my phone in his face.

“Listen, lady, I’ve got shit to do, and that doesn’t involve hanging around this fucking dump.”

“Who the fuck are you? Your entire job is to deliver fucking pizzas. Why are you so angry about it?”

“Ahh… You’re new,” he said, smirking down at me.

“Excuse me?”

“This place is blacklisted. I didn’t have to deliver the pizza at all, so be grateful I did.”

“So why did you, then?” I snapped. “You’re not the only takeout around here. Take your fucking pizza back and—”

“I take it you’re her replacement.”

“Are you speaking in riddles? I have no idea what you’re…” My words trailed off as I started to remember Shark telling me th at Macbeth had once slept with the delivery guy’s daughter, causing Dante to punch him in the face when they couldn’t get pizza for poker night.

“Penny dropped, love?” He sneered at me.