Page 98 of Save Your Breath

The words he’d said in that fake proposal echoed in my ears.

“I could never stop loving you — no matter how hard I tried over the years.”

How many nights had those words kept me awake over these last two months? How many days did I spend plucking through every fiber of them in search of something I knew didn’t exist?

I wanted that statement to be real. I wantedallof it to be real.

What a stupid girl I was.

“We kept in touch over the years, but there was always someone or something between us. I dated other people, he had his career to focus on, we lived in different states.” It was insane how easily I could tell this lie now, how effortlessly I played into the exact scenario that was killing me from the inside. “But after we reconnected earlier this year, we just… decided we didn’t want to play the excuses game anymore. We wanted to try. We wanted to make it work.”

My heart twisted violently, stomach roiling.

How desperately I wanted that to be true.

“And now, here we are,” I said, smiling at the girls as I lifted my glass to take a sip. I didn’t realize I had tears in my eyes until one sneaky bastard leaked and ran down my left cheek. I batted it away, and then laughed a little when I realized I’d made Chloe cry a bit, too.

“That’s so romantic, I want to die a little,” she said, sniffing.

Livia tapped her nails on the table before pointing at me. “Well, all I have to say is that I think you’re a good look for him. I think you bring out the better in him.”

“I co-sign that,” Maven added immediately. “And I am also in the camp that it’s less about him having you dickmatized — although, I think weallhad fun when those beach pics of himstreaking came out — and more about the fact that he is as soft as a baby kitten when it comes to you.”

“The things he said in that proposal?” Grace squeaked.

“The way he nearly ended a man’s life when he was playing the role of hot security guard after you recorded at the Daisy Kent show?” Chloe chimed in.

They fanned themselves and talked over one another about which was hotter, all while my knee bounced under the table. I needed a change of subject before I crawled out of my fucking skin.

Because everything in me wanted to tell them it was all a sham.

And for reasons I couldn’t quite speak out loud, I wanted to tell them how I really felt. I wanted to tell them how my heart was breaking every second of this charade. I wanted to tell them how I’d gotten myself into this mess, and now I couldn’t wait to get out of it.

I wanted to ask them how the fuck I was supposed to pick up all the pieces when this was all said and done, when we faked the break up and I was expected to just go on like nothing had happened — our deal done, the piper paid.

How could I ever forget the way it felt for him to press his hand against the small of my back when we walked in and out of restaurants?

How was I supposed to erase the memory of his mouth on mine, of his hands in my hair, claiming me and driving me mad?

How would I ever fall in love with anyone else when I knew my heart would always belong to him?

“Oh, shit,” Maven said, interrupting the fit of laughter the girls were currently entangled in as she frowned at her phone.

“What? Vince forget to water your Monstera again?” Livia teased.

But Maven didn’t so much as crack a smile. “Um, apparently we have missed quite a big development in the span of our four-hour brunch.” She was already typing away to whoever it was who had texted her. “The hurricane swung.”

“Swung?” I asked. “What does that mean?”

But suddenly, the girls were silent.

They all pulled out their phones.

“Will has called like eight times,” Chloe murmured. “Oh, he’s probably so worried.” She was already scooting off her chair and rushing to the hallway where the bathrooms were, the phone to her ear.

“Jax, too,” Grace chimed in. “Holy shit. He said the game was canceled.” She looked at me and Livia with wide eyes before hopping up from the table and finding her own corner to call in.

“Okay, can someone fill me in on what is happening?” I asked, heart starting to race. “What does this mean? What’s going on?”