Page 101 of Save Your Breath

“Yes,” I breathe.

His eyes float between mine, back and forth, like he’s trying to read deeper into that answer. He knows I mean it. I love him — like family.

But can he see the reason that word was so faint when it left my lips?

Can he feel that I may love him in a different way, too?

Aleks swallows, his Adam’s apple jutting up and down in his throat. “What about Austin?” he asks, his voice gruff. “You love him?”

“I think so.”

His nostrils flare, but he says nothing. He turns toward the window as the fireworks begin to pop off one after the other. Each spark of color lights up our lawn, and my eyes stick on where I spot Austin with my parents near the dock.

I should be down there with him.

I should be happy.

“Come on,” I say, standing. I hold my hand down toward Aleks. “Let’s go watch the fireworks.”

He stares at my hand. He doesn’t move.

He feels so distant.

I want to cry.

“You’re worried about me,” Aleks says. And then, like that possibility breaks him, he shakes his head and sighs. “Don’t worry about me.”

“You’re not your parents,” I tell him. “This part of you… I know it feels powerful sometimes. I know, some days, it’s dark. But this isn’t you.”

“I’m not so sure.”

“I am.”

Aleks stares at my feet for a long time before his eyes crawl up to meet mine. “I’ll be okay,” he promises. The smile he gives me is forced, just like mine has been all day. “You should go. I’m sure Austin wants to kiss you under the fireworks, or whatever perfect boyfriends do.”

“Come with me,” I try.

At that, he laughs a little, gaze floating to the window.

“Can’t, Strings,” he croaks. “I just… can’t. Not tonight.”

I want him to talk to me. I also know that he won’t — not right now. If he wanted to talk, he would have started as soon as I walked through his door.

He’s in one of those moods where he just wants to shut the world away.

I know better than to push him.

I know what he needs right now, even if I hate giving it to him.

I nod, biting my tongue and all the words I want to say. I lean down and kiss his cheek quickly before I dart out the door, swiping a tear from my jaw. I take a moment in my bathroom to get myself together, then I make my way down to the lake.

Austin pulls me under his arm when I arrive, greeting me with a beaming smile and a kiss that should make me melt. I should be laughing with him and my parents. I should be feeling electricity tingle down my spine as he whispers what he wants to do to me when the night is done.

I should be happy.

But the boy upstairs isn’t.

And I realize then that no amount of time or distance can ever untangle me from him.