Page 78 of Save Your Breath

“Did you ever want to?”

I swallowed, thinking about the time I booked a flight to L.A. with all the intentions in the world to tell Mia how I felt about her. We were both twenty at the time. I had just finished up my first season in the NHL. She was recording her debut album.

The night before I was supposed to fly, tabloids broke with photos of her and some rock star.

“Not really,” I lied.

“Hockey is the only love of your life, huh?”

I looked from the water to her. “If that’s what you think.”

“I don’t know what to think,” she shot back. “That’s why I’m asking. I… I just wonder if you ever want to settle down. If you want a wife one day… kids…” She shrugged. “Maybe it’s because we’re about to fake it to the whole world tomorrow, but it’s been on my mind.”

“Do you want that?” I asked, deflecting. “Marriage and kids, I mean. I know you mentioned you felt that way when you were with Austin. Do you still feel it now?”

“Yeah,” she said, a soft smile on her lips as her eyes scanned the dark waves. “Yeah, I really do. But it’s different now, you know? After Austin. I don’t want a husband just for the sake of one. I want…” She sighed. “I want the kind of love that consumes me. I want a partner and a friend, someone I can laugh and play and explore with. I want passion, raw and all-encompassing. I don’t want to justgetmarried. I want tobemarried — committed mind, body, and soul to someone just as mad about me as I am about them.”

My nostrils flared at her admission, throat tight as I traced what little light was reaching the side of her face. My gaze stuck on her beauty mark, on the soft skin of her cheek just below that where I knew her dimple would appear if I made her smile big enough.

I wondered if her daughter would have that same dimple, if her son would have her bright blue eyes.

And then my stomach immediately bottomed out because I knew if she ever did have kids, they’d be with someone I’d never see as good enough for her.

I was pretty sure there wasn’t a man alive I’d classify in that category.

“That’s not fair, by the way,” she said, pointing her finger at me and doing a little wave with it. “You have to answer now.”

“Or what?”

She tapped her chin. “Or… I’ll throw you over this pier and into the shark-infested waters below.”

“Pretty sure there are no sharks down there. And also pretty sure you couldn’t throw me even an inch.”

“Fine. Then I’ll throwmyselfoff.” She leaned forward dramatically to make her point, but actually lost her balance in the process, her eyes widening and a little yelp squeaking out of her as she nearly toppled into the water.

I caught her easily with one hand, hooking it around her elbow and hauling her into me. She was so slight that I didn’t realize just how easily she’d come with the motion, and now she was half in my lap, one hand on my chest and the other wrapped around my neck as I looked down my nose at her.

Once again, she was close enough to kiss.

If I just tugged her up another inch, if I lowered my chin and angled my mouth for hers, I could taste her. I could inhale that sweet gasp I hoped she’d let out, could savor the way she’d melt into my arms.

Or was that only when it was for show?

As if she realized where my mind was, I felt her stiffen — like she was afraid I was going to kiss her instead of being anything close to excited about it. I blinked and remembered last week at her album release party, when I’d beenjusttempted enough to sayfuck itand kiss her for real.

But she’d reminded me there were no cameras around.

She’d made it clear that was the only time she wanted my lips on hers.

I swallowed, reluctantly releasing my grip on her and helping her sit upright. But even when she was no longer in my lap, her hand still clung to my chest, her fingertips fisting in my hoodie just enough to hold me in place.

“It doesn’t matter what I want,” I finally said, my voice rough.

Mia blinked. “What… what do you mean?”

“If I did want a wife, kids… it doesn’t matter.”

“Why not?”