Page 134 of Save Your Breath

“How are you holding up? Can you give us a comment?”

James shut the door behind me, snuffing out the noise as another sob tore through me. I folded my arms over my stomach, aching and rocking and shaking my head.

This can’t be happening.

This can’t be real.

The driver already knew where to take us, every part of the plan set into place. He headed toward the airport while I tried to calm my breaths. I pressed a hand against my chest and closed my eyes, focusing on each inhale, trying to lengthen my exhales.

In, and out.

In, and out.

The tears were still sliding fast and furious down my cheeks. I let them. I watched them fall to my thighs, felt them dry on my chin. My skin was tight from their tracks, my nose running, eyes fatigued.

After a few minutes, I gained my composure a bit, sinking back in the seat and letting my head loll to the side. I sniffed, watching the city of Tampa pass in a teary blur.

I started counting trees.

1… 2… 3…

But the trees turned into memories, each one pelting me like the rain that had whipped against Aleks’s windows last time I was here.

A magnolia tree, but I saw Aleks, brows bent in concern as he shielded me from the paparazzi in New York. I felt his hand on the small of my back, the way it held onto me even still in the car when all the cameras were gone.

A palm tree, but I saw Aleks’s beaming smile at the beach mansion, his bare chest exposed by an open, tropical button-up. I felt his heat from that first fake kiss, heard his words whispered only for me.Läck du mir.

A jacaranda tree, but I saw Aleks in a stupid fish head mask, saw him peeling it off and beaming at me, felt his strong body when I jumped into his arms to celebrate our win.

An oak tree, Spanish moss hanging dreamily from its limbs, but I saw his heated eyes as he stripped the jersey with his name and number on it over my head, felt his hot breath on my skin as he whispered filthy words along the column of my neck.

All of it hit me in unrelenting flashes, wave after wave of feeling crashing over me until I was drowning.

And that’s when I realized.

None of it was fake.

Not one single thing that had happened since we first met up in New York had been pretend — not to me.

And I didn’t care if he didn’t feel the same. I didn’t care if I was crazy for breaking all the rules I’d set for us. I didn’t care if I’d feel like a fool in the morning.

I had to tell him.

I blinked, snapping out of my haze and into the moment with my heart thundering loud and fast in my chest. “Don’t get on the highway.”

James frowned at me, the driver’s eyes snapping to mine in the rearview mirror. “But, Ms.—”

“Don’tget on the highway,” I repeated, leaning forward. “Boomer’s. Take me to Boomer’s.”

“That’s where Aleks is,” James said.

“Exactly.”

I thought I saw the corner of James’s mouth inch up, but I was too busy snapping my fingers at the driver.

“Boomer’s,” I repeated, louder this time. “Please. And hurry.”

I knew now what I wanted, what I was willing to risk.