Page 20 of Save You (Maxton Hall #2)

Ruby

“Here’s to Ruby!” Dad calls out.

“And to Lin,” I add, grinning at my friend.

It was Dad’s idea to have a little Oxford party with Lin at home and to raise a glass to our success.

When Mum and I first told him, he refused to believe a word of it until he’d seen the email for himself.

As he read it, he kept murmuring “no,” but then he hugged me so hard that my ribs are still slightly achy four hours later.

“I can’t believe they made us both offers,” I whisper to Lin over the rim of my champagne glass.

“Me either.”

The idea of spending the next three years still with my friend sets off a whole wave of excited butterflies in my stomach. I’m so happy that it feels kind of unreal.

“We really have to put the work in now, Lin,” I say.

“Can’t you two just enjoy the moment for one evening?” asks Ember.

Mum and Dad laugh, while Lin and I give each other a guilty smile. “You’re right,” I say. “But there’s still a lot that can go wrong!”

Lin puts her glass down on the coffee table and takes a nacho—the only nibbles we could conjure up at such short notice. “It’s a conditional offer, though—we still have to get three A’s to get in.”

“And I need to get a bursary too,” I add quietly, trying to suppress the rising panic. The careers adviser at Maxton Hall has assured me loads of times that I have an excellent chance of getting one and that I really have no need to worry. But that’s easier said than done.

Lin’s cheeks go pale and she puts the half-eaten tortilla chip down next to her glass. “What if I don’t make the grades in one of my subjects? Grandma says she’ll support me through uni, but I bet she wouldn’t then.”

“Girls, you should be celebrating, not worrying yourselves sick!” Mum is sitting opposite Lin and me on our flowery armchair, looking at us with a shake of her head.

Lin and I exchange worried glances again but then pick up our glasses and have a big swig of the champagne.

“I guess you wouldn’t even have gotten in if you weren’t like this, huh?

” Ember muses with a grin. She wasn’t surprised by the offer and is trying to be pleased for me, but I can tell how sad she is that I’ll be moving out.

Oxford isn’t that far away, but it’s very different having a two-hour train journey between us instead of the width of the landing.

Ember hates change, and I’m pretty sure if she had her way, we’d all carry on living at home together for the rest of our lives.

Although her mood has rubbed off on me slightly over the day, and the thought of leaving home is making me a little sad, that can’t outweigh my happiness at being accepted. And since James turned up here, I’m even more determined not to let anything or anyone rob me of this joy.

Once we’ve finished the champagne, Lin and I leave my parents to watch TV and go up to my room.

“Oh shit,” Lin mutters as I shut the door behind us. Her eyes are fixed on her phone and she sits on my desk chair without even looking up from her screen.

“What?” I ask.

“Nothing.”

Her reply is so quick that I prick up my ears. “What’s wrong?”

She shrugs. “Looks like Cyril got in too.”

I hesitate a moment, then whisper: “So did James.”

“Really? Looks like half the Beaufort clique is going to be in Oxford, then. Alistair and Wren have put it on their Instas too.” Lin is typing something. I glance at the screen and see a lad with his top off—I’m pretty sure it’s Cyril.

OK, I can’t hold back any longer. I’ve been suspicious for months that there’s something going on between Lin and Cyril that nobody else knows about.

The way the two of them act around each other speaks louder than words.

I thought for ages that they hated each other, but now I’m pretty sure there are sparks flying between them when they get into an argument.

“What are you doing?” I ask cautiously, sitting down cross-legged on my bed.

She looks up guiltily. “Nothing.”

“That was too quick, and it’s the second time you’ve said ‘nothing’ in a couple of minutes. I don’t believe you.”

Lin bites her lip and looks back at her phone. Her cheeks are fiery red.

“Lin, come here,” I say, patting the spot on the bed beside me.

She dubiously eyes the place where my hand is resting but slowly gets up and walks over.

She leans her back against the headboard, crooks up a knee, and hooks both arms around it.

I watch her settling in and turn toward her expectantly.

She strokes a strand of her black hair back behind her ear.

I get the impression she doesn’t know where to start.

“I know you don’t like talking about this stuff,” I say gently. “But if there’s something on your heart, you can always tell me.”

Lin gulps hard. “There’s not much to tell,” she whispers.

She looks almost shy—the opposite of the Lin I know. She’s such a strong, self-confident person who always stands up for herself and says what she thinks without worrying what other people might think about it. Seeing her like this makes me suddenly uneasy.

“I’ve been into Cyril since I was thirteen.”

My eyes widen. “Seriously?”

She nods slowly. “When I started at Maxton Hall, Cyril and I sat next to each other in a few subjects. He…wasn’t always the way he is now. Back then he was considerate and sweet. He really made me laugh. I can’t describe exactly why he fascinated me so much, but I liked him right away.”

For a moment, she says nothing, just stares at her knee. I’d like to say something encouraging, but I hold back. This is the first time she’s told me anything about her love life and I have to give her the time she needs, without interrupting.

“But the whole time I’ve known Cyril, he’s been in love with Lydia, so I always knew that we had no chance.

I was still really upset when they got together though.

There was never anything official, but you know how stuff like that gets around at school.

After she dumped him, I…comforted him. One thing led to another and…

” She shrugs awkwardly, and her grip on her knee tightens.

She looks so sad that I wonder how I didn’t notice all this.

“Was it just a one-off, or something more?” I ask cautiously.

Lin shakes her head and gives a breathless laugh. “We’ve been having sex every couple of weeks for two years.”

My mouth drops open. And shuts again. I can’t believe she’s kept that secret from me for so long. “I…Does anyone know about this?”

Lin shakes her head again. “No. I’m well aware that as far as Cy is concerned, there’s only Lydia.

And I’m OK with that, but I don’t want it getting out.

I want to keep a bit of my dignity at least, and we’ve never been a couple or anything.

” She hesitates a moment. “Anyway, it’s probably ended by itself. ”

“What do you mean?”

“He hasn’t contacted me since Cordelia Beaufort died. Probably because he’s too busy consoling Lydia.” She shrugs her shoulders. “He’s ignoring my messages and now he’s always hanging around with her at school.”

“I…” I cut myself off, shaking my head. “Was it weird for you to spend New Year’s Eve with Lydia?”

Lin gives a narrow smile. “I like Lydia. And she can’t exactly help the fact that I happen to be into the lad who’s hopelessly in love with her.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

“It doesn’t matter, Ruby, seriously. I just wish he’d be honest with me for once. I don’t think I deserve to be ghosted like this. He could have just told me that Lydia’s given him another chance.”

“I don’t think she has.”

She shrugs yet again. “I shouldn’t even care. It’s not like I’m in undying love with him.”

Her voice is light, but the sad look in her eyes contradicts her words.

“Cyril’s a pig if he’s ghosting you and you don’t know where you stand,” I say furiously.

“I know it must sound like that. But we both knew what we were getting into. He never made me any promises and nor did I to him. And he can be really great—self-assured, funny. And tender…” Lin blushes and buries her face in her hands.

“That sounds like more than just a physical thing, Lin.”

“I know!” She groans, peeping out from between her slightly spread fingers. “I didn’t realize that until now when I haven’t spent any time with him outside school for ages. I miss him.”

Her last words sound so revolted that I have to grin.

“Have you ever talked about it? Properly, I mean?” I ask gently.

She shakes her head and goes bright red. “Cyril and I never spend much time talking when we see each other.”

Oh wow.

“We’ve been friends for so long and I had no idea. I feel like a really bad best friend right now.”

“You’re a great friend. I just didn’t want to tell anyone because…

oh, God knows. There was something exciting about keeping it a secret.

But now that the whole thing’s clearly over as far as he’s concerned, it’s killing me.

” She sighs deeply. “We’re both exactly the same, Ruby.

Neither of us wanted to get into anything serious before Oxford. ”

One of the many things that Lin and I have in common.

“And now both James and Cyril have got offers too,” I mumble.

“Yeah.”

For a moment we’re quiet, each lost in our own thoughts. When I moved to Maxton Hall, I lost all my friends from my old school. After that, I decided that I’d keep all my friendships really superficial. I didn’t want to put my energy into anything that wasn’t going to last.

But that changed when I met Lin. OK, so I’m still scared that this might be another temporary thing, but I’m prepared to take that risk—this conversation now is showing me that again.

I take Lin’s hand and give it a gentle squeeze. “You can always talk to me, Lin. Always. I want you to know that.”

I’ve never said that to her before, and I find it surprisingly hard to get those words through my lips. Not because I don’t mean them, but because they mean so much to me.

“Thanks. You can too,” Lin says, her voice husky with emotion. She turns her hands so that we can link our fingers together. “I mean that. You can talk to me about James anytime. Or about anything else.”

I chew the inside of my cheek and think about the moment this afternoon when James was standing on the doorstep, telling me all that stuff.

I’ll always be yours, Ruby.

His words made the ground wobble beneath my feet. He looked so determined, like nothing in his life mattered more than winning me back.

“James was here this afternoon,” I begin after a while.

Lin keeps holding on to my hand as she looks inquiringly at me. “What did he want?”

I shrug my shoulders. “He said that he needs me. That I’m the only person who understands him. And that he could be happy with me.”

Lin takes a sharp breath. “And?”

I shrug again.

I meant what I said to him. It’s not my job to make James happy.

Even so, I regret yelling it at him like that.

He was clearly struggling, and I’m probably the only person who gets why.

When we were in Oxford, he told me that he’d never told anyone about his fears of the future, and I can imagine how he must have been feeling after the Beaufort board meeting and getting into St. Hilda’s.

But…we split up. He can’t put all that on me.

I can’t be the only thing that gives his life meaning.

That’s not what a relationship is meant to be about.

“I want to be there for him, but at the same time, I don’t know if I can,” I whisper.

“I get that,” Lin replies. “But…I also see the way he looks at you in team meetings. I think he really does want to win you back.”

I shake my head. “That’s what he wants right now . James is so fickle—in another two weeks, I’ll bet something else will happen to shake up his life, and then he’ll vanish or freak out or do something else to sabotage us, and I’m not having it. I’m not going to let him hurt me like that again.”

I blurt out the last words so fiercely that Lin looks at me in surprise.

“That’s just what I admire about you.”

I blink in confusion. “What is?”

She smiles slightly at me. “I could see exactly how the thing with James messed you up. How much you suffered for him and his family. You were there for him after he hurt you so badly—and now you’re staying strong and focusing on yourself. I think that’s amazing.”

When she puts it like that, it all sounds more heroic than I feel. I breathe out shakily. “I yelled some really nasty things at him earlier.”

“Do you still have feelings for him?” Lin asks unexpectedly.

Now it’s my turn to flinch.

I remember what I said to him at New Year’s. I can’t just stop loving James. These emotions won’t go away, however much I wish they would.

“Yes,” I whisper.

Lin gives me a sad smile. “Shame we can’t just switch it off, isn’t it?”

I mumble in agreement. “Anyway. I think it’s time we got back to what this evening’s meant to be all about—we’re celebrating.”

She nods vigorously and presses my hand one last time before she lets it go. “You’re right.”

I grab my laptop and find the Oxford website. We spend the next hour looking at the college accommodation, clicking through student pages, and making lists of the stuff we want to do together once we start there.

But however hard I try not to think about them, I can hear James’s words echoing in my head all evening long.