Page 19 of Save You (Maxton Hall #2)

Ruby

I read the email once.

And again.

And then a third time.

I read it again and again until the letters start to blur together and I have to blink.

“Mum,” I say.

Mum makes an inquiring sound. She’s sitting next to me at the kitchen table, flicking absentmindedly through a homeware catalog.

“Mum,” I repeat, more urgently this time, pushing my laptop toward her, the email open.

Now she looks up. “What?”

I hold my breath, pointing fiercely toward the computer. Mum’s gaze follows my finger. Her eyes flit over the screen. She pauses and looks at me, then back to the screen. The next moment, she claps her hands to her mouth. “No way,” she breathes quietly.

I nod. “Yes way.”

“No!”

“Yes!”

Mum jumps up and flings her arms around me. “I’m so proud of you!”

I hug her back and shut my eyes. I try to do what I always did when I was little—I concentrate really hard so that I’ll always remember this moment.

I drink in Mum’s scent, the sound made by the oven, the aroma of baking scones, and the immeasurable joy that floods through me as I realize that my most heartfelt dream has come within touching distance.

“I’m so happy,” I mumble into her shoulder.

Mum strokes my back. “You deserve it, Ruby.”

“I need to start applying for bursaries and a student loan,” I say, not letting go of her.

Her embrace is firmer than ever. “There’s plenty of time for all that. You don’t have to think about it all at once. Now—”

She’s interrupted by the doorbell.

“Will you get that?” she asks, pulling away. “Ember must have forgotten her key. Then you can tell her your good news right away.”

I nod and take the corner into the hall so fast that the rug skids over the wooden floor and I hit my shoulder on the coatrack. But even that can’t stop me from flinging open the door, a grin on my face…

…that immediately freezes to ice.

James is on the doorstep. He’s in the middle of running a hand through his hair, and—just like me—he stops dead in mid-movement.

His cheeks are slightly flushed, and his breath is forming little clouds in the icy winter air.

It looks like he’s on his way to an important meeting, or one’s just finished.

I want to slam the door in his face.

And I want to hug him.

Maybe it’s just as well that I’m incapable of doing anything. I just stare at him, feeling my heartbeat quicken at the sight of him.

“I…” he begins, but his voice dies away.

I remember the day he turned up under the pretense of bringing me the dress for the Halloween party. Then I could see him fighting an internal battle with himself, and it’s the same now—his innermost feelings want to be set free, but he can somehow never quite let that happen.

“I can’t go on like this, Ruby,” he suddenly bursts out. He shakes his head and looks up at me. “I can’t go on like this.”

He sounds tired and broken. Sad and shattered. Like something’s happened from which there’s no going back.

It’s clear that he can’t be on his own right now.

But at the same time, I’m annoyed that he’s here.

I’m the last person he should come to if he’s got problems. Why does he have to wreck this moment for me?

I’ve just got an offer from Oxford, for God’s sake.

I should be dancing around the house, not letting his pain get me down like this.

The thing between us is over— he ended it.

And we shouldn’t be taking two steps back, desperately clinging on to something that no longer exists.

“You can’t go on like what?”

“I’ve just been at a Beaufort’s board meeting. Lydia’s pregnant. And I got into Oxford. I…I’m fucked up right now.”

James’s chest is rising and falling frantically, like he’s been running a marathon. And it probably feels that way to him. I know how much he hates the pressure his dad puts on him, and just at the moment, it looks like he’s about to buckle beneath it.

I take a deep breath. “I get how bad that must be for you. But…I’m not the person you should turn to when you’re down,” I reply as gently as possible.

He hurries up the steps to the front door, until he’s standing right in front of me. His eyes are dark; his expression is desperate. I’ve never seen him like this.

“I can’t keep away from you any longer. You’re the only person who truly understands me. I need you. And I’m going to fight for us, because I’m yours. I’ll always be yours, Ruby.”

I grip on to the doorframe and stare at him in total disbelief. My body is flooded with hope, pain, and rage all at once, a chaotic blend that sets my heart racing and my thoughts whirling wildly.

I can’t believe he just said that.

I can’t believe he’s trying again, having another go at knocking my life off course.

Suddenly, I’m furious. How dare he rejoin the events committee? How dare he wreck this moment for me?

“No,” I say with an effort, shaking my head. “No.”

“Please, Ruby, I—”

“Do you know what I need, James?” I interrupt him. “I need peace. I need time for myself, to get over you. I really wish for you to be happy one day, and that you won’t let your dad run your life for you. But I can’t help you with that.”

He shakes his head. “I feel better when you’re with me. Then I am just…happy.”

“It’s not my fucking job to make you happy!” I scream.

James flinches and takes a step back. He slips off the top step, and for a moment it looks like he’s going to lose his balance, but he catches himself at the last second. He stares at me and the unspeakable shock in his eyes takes my breath away.

“James,” I croak.

He shakes his head. “No, you’re right. I…I shouldn’t have come here.”

Without another word, he turns away and walks down the steps.

He hastily crosses our front garden until he reaches the low wooden gate.

He opens it, steps through, and then looks back at me again.

His eyes are glassy, like they’re full of tears, but I can’t tell if that’s because of what I said, or just the cutting wind.

Before I can say anything, he turns and leaves.

James

The bright lights of the club dance to the beat over my friends’ faces and the bass thumps in my ears, shaking my whole body.

I’m sitting in the lounge on one of the comfy sofas, watching Alistair, Kesh, and Cyril as they dance with a group of girls, not far from me.

Wren is sitting out too. I think the lads took one look at my face and decided that they couldn’t leave me on my own this evening. Like I’m a little kid, for fuck’s sake.

“You OK, bro?” Wren yells suddenly in my ear.

I raise an eyebrow. Normally, Wren would be the last person to talk about emotions. Seriously. We’ve both spent years perfecting the art of bottling up our problems. It’s one of the reasons we’re best mates.

“Don’t give me that look. I’m just worried about you.”

I can hardly hear what he’s saying, but his expression speaks louder than words anyway.

The moment I set foot in this club, everyone clocked that something must have happened.

Cyril handed me a G everyone has something to lose.

I shake my head, but Wren doesn’t take no for an answer. He grabs my hand, pulls me up off the sofa and onto the dance floor. The boys cheer as they see us and open up their circle so that we can join them. I spend a while trying to move to the beat, but it’s not working.

I’m about to apologize to the others and tell them that I’m leaving when someone dances up to me and wraps an arm around my waist. I turn around with a frown—and find myself looking into Elaine Ellington’s face.

“James!” she screams over the music, smiling at me. Her honey-blond waves frame her flushed face. As fast as I can, I push her arm away and leave the dance floor to head back to our lounge. When I get there, I feel strangely out of breath. I order a water and drop onto the sofa.

The sight of Elaine felt like a punch in the guts. I carry the memory of the evening in Cyril’s pool around with me twenty-four seven at the best of times, and in that instant, it was so fresh that I felt a wave of nausea wash over me.

But I’d reckoned without Elaine. After a while, she comes over and sits down beside me, one leg crossed over the other.

“That’s not a very nice way to say hello,” she says, running her hand through her hair. Her eyes sparkle with amusement. She’s sitting so close to me that we’re almost touching. She budges a fraction closer. My whole body freezes as the scent of her perfume reaches my nose.

“I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am about what happened to your mum. If you ever want to talk or anything—I’m always here for you.” She puts her hand on my leg and runs it slowly up the fabric of my trousers.

“Elaine, stop it,” I say firmly, pushing her hand away. I shift to the side and look seriously at her.

“Did I do something wrong?” she asks in surprise.

I shake my head. “No. I’m the one who got everything wrong,” I reply.

Elaine raises an eyebrow. “What’s the matter?”

I shrug my shoulders but don’t speak.

For a moment she just looks at me, then she shakes her head. “Yeah, you’ve been better.”

“Sorry,” I say. “But I can’t do this anymore.”

She slides away from me a little. “Pity,” she says, standing up. “We’ve always had fun together.”

She pauses there for a moment, as if she’s waiting for me to stop her from leaving. When I don’t move, just stare straight ahead, she walks back to the dance floor without another word.

I let myself sink back into the sofa and stare up at the ceiling.

I’ve never noticed the little lights up there before, which are presumably meant to look like stars.

I find my hand reaching into my pocket to pull out my wallet.

Shakily, I open it and take hold of the slip of paper hidden behind my driving license.

I’ve avoided looking at the list in the last few weeks, for fear that it would make me feel even shittier than I already do.

I hold it up so that the little ceiling lights are almost shining through the paper.

Point by point, I read through what Ruby and I wrote together.

I swallow hard and notice how rough my throat feels all of a sudden.

Never in my life has anyone taken an interest in me the way Ruby does. I’ve never had anyone be my first thought when I wake up and the face I see before my eyes when I go to sleep. And there’s never been anyone who wanted to make my dreams come true.

With those thoughts in mind, I fold the list up again and hold it tightly in my hand as I leave the club.