Page 28 of Safety Net (Mendell Hawks #3)

LINCOLN

"You know how I hate to be dramatic,” I started. “But this fucking sucks.”

Henrik snorted, shoving past me to get a box into the van. “Don’t start. This whole carting sets across town was your idea.”

“Maybe this’ll make it better? Or at least more fun,” Naomi said as she tugged a cap onto my head, pulling the brim so low I couldn't see for a second.

I laughed and readjusted it in time to see her skip over to do the same to Finn.

He was entranced with something on his phone.

But before Naomi could move on, he grabbed her waist, holding her still for a kiss.

She ruefully pulled away, out of breath as she offered Henrik his cap.

Henrik studied the embroidery on the front. "What's this?"

"For our production team." Naomi beamed, made a show of slipping hers on, and moved her fingers around it with a flourish as she modeled for us. "I know it's our final rehearsal—I meant to get them sooner. But it's better late than never, right? I did the design and everything."

"You designed this?" I pulled off the cap and studied the logo, which featured flowers and musical notes. The words, Celeste's Crew, were sewn in cursive.

"I wanted us to have something to remember it by," she said. "It's the first time I'm on a team with you guys, too. You all get to have the jerseys, I wanted something to commemorate, since this'll be our last summer together on campus."

My chest tightened at the idea of next summer. The lease on this house would be over, and even if Naomi and I wanted to stay, we'd have to find new roommates. I'd have to figure out if I'd be able to continue playing for Mendell.

After deciding to recommit myself to training, I thought I could dodge most of the emotion that surfaced when faced with the reality of my situation.

If I pulled myself together, with a full course load and excess hours on the ice, I wouldn't have to deal with being left behind.

Wouldn't have to deal with the change of any season.

I had to focus and be who Celeste believed she saw when she looked at me.

"These turned out incredible." I pushed down everything I couldn't control right now and proudly tugged on the cap again. "I love them. Celeste will too."

"Yeah, thank you, Naomi," Henrik said, clearing his throat a few times. "A perfect way to remember the summer."

We all paused, watching as Henrik turned red.

"What?" he asked.

"Are you…?" I started.

"Getting emotional," Finn finished with as much confusion in his tone as I felt.

"Yes, I've been known to care about the people I spend most of my time with," Henrik joked. "And I just binged a ton of my favorite childhood movies, so I'm in a strange headspace."

"You know how you get when you revisit those movies. Why would you do that to yourself?" I asked.

"I had a lot of baking to do. It all took forever," he defended. "Those movies are the best kind of background noise."

"Background?" Finn asked with a furrowed brow. "We sat through three entire movies."

"Three?" I asked. "Holy shit, where was I?"

"Sleeping," Henrik said.

"And you didn't wake me? Some friends."

"It was like a six-hour ordeal because he kept pausing," Finn said. "You didn't want to be up, trust me."

"I only kept pausing because you kept missing the turning points," Henrik defended. "You were constantly putting your head down."

"I was at a very critical point in my pattern," Finn said. "I've never done cables before."

"You're doing the cable sweater for me?" Naomi perked up. "The pink one?"

"Trying," Finn nodded. "Don't get too excited, I think it's going to take me a few decades to get it right."

"I'd wait forever," she promised with her hands clasped and pulled to her chest.

A car pulled up right outside our driveway, interrupting Naomi's attempt to convince Finn to show her his progress so far. It took us all a moment to realize who it was before Sam stepped out.

"What do we have here?" he asked. "How many hockey players does it take to load a van?"

"You're late," Henrik said with a smile, and was the first to pull Sam into a hug.

"Strategically," Sam said, voice briefly muffled by Henrik's shoulder. "I thought you'd all have everything loaded by now."

I got in line for a hug after Naomi placed a hat on his head.

"Thank you." He leaned in so their brims bumped into each other. As nervous as I was to tell him about Anthony, having him here was worth it. No place felt home without everyone present. And our tapestry was almost complete.

"Where's Aderyn?" I asked, giving him a shoulder squeeze after our hug. "I thought she was coming down with you?"

"She's coming down next week to help me move Eden in," Sam said. "For now, there’s a girl's trip to the mountain. Last week of summer, you know? Gotta make it count."

"Which is why we need to get this show on the road," Henrik said. "It's an hour drive there and back. We want to be back in time to watch the final rehearsal."

Sam smiled. "That's tonight?"

"You're going to love it," Naomi said. "Celeste's music is magic, Halle's voice is breathtaking, and the sets Lincoln and Jack worked on are incredible. "

"Jack?" Sam chuckled. "The Jack I know? He's working on this musical?"

"I didn't give him much of a choice," I confessed. "But when school starts, I owe him a favor. Fair trade."

"I am so ready to see this," Sam said. "But first…Lincoln, isn't today a practice day? With Anthony?"

And there it was. The anvil on my foot. The cliff on which I should jump off.

Sam raised a brow expectantly.

"You're right. It's Wednesday.” Naomi smiled faded.

Henrik had to check his phone to be sure. "I completely forgot to set my alarm. Sorry about that, Lincoln. I was so caught up in the prepping."

Sam and I watched each other, waiting for a crack in the dam. I didn't have to tell him; he already knew. He'd possibly known right after it happened and hadn't said a damn thing.

"What's going on?" Henrik asked, taking note of our quiet staring.

Sam shrugged and gestured to me. "Ask him."

I sighed and confessed, "Anthony dropped me last week. He walked out because I wasn't focused. He didn't think it was worth the effort—"

"He told me he gave you multiple chances," Sam cut in.

"You do realize it took incessant convincing to get him to come down here and invest in a guy who maybe, kind of, sort of wanted to be a free agent.

He did it because not many people who look like you and me have the means and resources to be in this sport, and then you just don't put in the work. For what?"

When it's all laid out before me, the shame may as well swallow me whole. My knees were weak, my body half-turned away from my friends, prepping for a flight reaction.

"I don't have a good excuse, Sam," I said, shame morphing into frustration because I felt guilty enough without him throwing salt in the wound. "If that's what you've come all the way down here looking for, you're not going to get it."

"I'm not looking for anything. I just wanted you to be honest with me. Serious, for once in your life. I was trying to help you. We both were."

"I know." Breathing was laborious. So was standing, talking, and simply existing in this moment. "And I'm sorry I wasted your time and his. If you want honesty, I'll let you know, I didn't think I was worth it. I didn't think I'd make it this far."

Henrik frowned. "Make it this far?"

"What the hell does that mean?" Sam asked.

They all waited for my response. I could spin this.

I could keep pretending I was fine. Heaven knew I was good at faking it.

But last night, Celeste poked holes in my plan.

She offered me some of her strength, and I felt how good it was to be seen for all that I was.

And I couldn't hide anymore without the risk of shoving a wedge between the people I loved most in this world.

"For the past few semesters, I've been struggling with maintaining my grades. I'm not on track to graduate in the spring." I said. "And if I don't bring up my GPA with this semester's grade, I could be on academic probation… It's pending review."

They were silent. Sam frowned, jaw tensed as he undoubtedly tried to come up with a plan before I could even finish explaining. Finn and Naomi exchanged looks, trying to see if the other knew.

I didn't want to look at Henrik. I knew his response would be filled with hurt. We were best friends, and I hadn't once hinted at a struggle.

"As you all know, my attention span isn't the best. It's gotten better with volunteering.

Yay," I tried to smile, but they weren't biting.

Being this serious for this long made my skin itch.

I could barely stand still as I said, "But it's getting worse when it comes to school and hockey.

Bad enough that…like Anthony, I'm starting to believe I'm not worth the investment. "

"Lincoln," Naomi tried.

"It's fine," I stopped her, mainly because I'm embarrassed about how much care was in her tone.

"Discovering hockey and playing for Mendell has been one of the best things that's ever happened to me.

Being with you all has meant everything.

But when Sam moved, it shattered this illusion I'd bought into by no one's fault but my own.

I remembered this isn't our life. This is the prologue to some story I'm not sure I want to read because when we leave Mendell, and this is all over, I don't think it's going to get any better than this.

I don't have much more to offer. I'm not the brightest of the bunch – though we all know I am at least runner-up. "

"You should have said something," Henrik finally spoke up. "I could have helped with classes."

"Me too," Naomi chimed in. "You know I don't mind, it's literally my job."